Don't Panic! Lighten Up!

Constitution slowly disappearing say stunned officials at National Archives

Babylon Bee
Thu, 10 Oct 2019 18:51 UTC

Washington, D.C. — According to stunned officials working at the National Archives, the text of the United States Constitution has slowly begun disappearing from existence, much like Marty McFly and his family in the classic 1985 sci-fi/adventure film Back to the Future.

Experts stated the text began to mysteriously disappear sometime during the Bush administration and rapidly accelerated under both Barack Obama and Donald Trump.

"It's exactly like in Spielberg's classic adventure film, when the time-loop paradox began to corrupt the timeline and the McFlys slowly started to disappear from existence," Dr. Emmett Christopher, an expert in American history said. "If something isn't done immediately, the entire Constitution will be erased from history forever."

"Great Scott!" he added.

At publishing time, witnesses in New York claimed the Statue of Liberty was also beginning to fade from view.

Reader Comments

Bezel Bub · 2019-10-10T19:03:09Z

Would be funny if not true. Corrupt judges / corrupt system / corrupt lawyers making it go away slowly...the death of a thousand cuts....

system · 2019-10-10T21:52:22Z

why not re-ink it with the same type of ink as in the original.

Rowan Cocoan · 2019-10-11T21:38:00Z

Carolina As something from the past time fades, any copies of it would fade also. (Probably not fade - just go 'blink' and disappear.)

Spoiler Alert: Just see the end of the fairly good 4/5 flick Loopeer.

R.C.

Joan · 2019-10-11T01:22:33Z

Ah! the disappearance of history to we rewritten, with a new and bolder script. ready to be plastered in neon technicolor.

In states and counties within the US and also countries throughout the Western world.

The new doctrine of the West, we the conquerors.

We Came We conquered We Saw.. We.Failed.

black,kristi · 2019-10-11T14:02:17Z

Well that sure is making the Holy Se and Queen of Evil pleased and proud of their Progress and Accomplishments. They just love that Gold Fringe American Flag denoting Admirality and Marshall Law where they are at the Helm of a Washington, DISTRICT of COLUMBIA! Capisce and Cheerie Chaps!?

Christian83 · 2019-10-11T15:03:19Z

I thought it was already obliterated out of existence when 9/11 happened.

Rowan Cocoan · 2019-10-11T21:42:50Z

Christian83 Damn; for such a youngster (I find it hard to believe that someone born in 83 is now mid thirties*) you've got some open nminded smarts about you.

R.C.

*Never trust anyone over 30. (A late 60s expression I always disagreed with. My old man was over thirty and he simple COULD NOT lie!)

P.s. "obliterated out of existence' is redundant - similar to saying this is a unique, one-of-a-kind item.

NRN

RC

Rowan Cocoan · 2019-10-11T21:48:40Z

Christian83 In undergrad, I got an A(+), (which existed only in a professor's hand and made no difference in one's GPA) on a paper.

He nonetheless provided some help; one of which I'll never forget. I wrote: 'These facts lend creedence to the unpopular but viable theory that...yada yada yada."

He did an editorial insert just before "to the unpopular", writing, "As in 'Clearwater Revival'?"

I remembered.

R.C.

Christian83 · 2019-10-11T23:33:40Z

RC- I prefer to go against the grain. I’m just an average fella with an open mind. Make of me what you will. Thank you for your compliment my friend. Keep surfing 🏄‍♂️ buddy you will never have the same wave. A lot like people. There’s an analogy in there somewhere haha 😂

Christian83 · 2019-10-11T23:36:56Z

RC- isn’t that a rock band? Creedence or credence stirred a memory 🙃

Rowan Cocoan · 2019-10-12T00:00:24Z

Christian83 HELP!!! HELP!!!!! THE PUP IS DROWNING IN INFORMATION.

SottFolk: RC - very quite respectfully requests that you proved reply to Christian83! (Read my above college class story first.)

R.C.

Christian83 ·

Hahaha

· 2019-10-12T00:09:00Z

Rowan Cocoan · 2019-10-13T15:45:13Z

Christian83 Have a listen. You've probably heard some of their songs. John Fogarty is their main man.

Their songs were some of the anti-Vietnam songs of the later sixties and early 70s. (If Vietnam had lasted as long as Afghanistabn, I would have ended up there.)

[Link]

Listen to #2: Fortunate Son(1969):

Some folks are born made to wave the flag

Ooh they're red, white and blue

And when the band plays Hail to the Chief

Ooh, they point the cannon at you, Lord

It ain't me, it ain't me

I ain't no senator's son, son

It ain't me, it ain't me

I ain't no fortunate one, no

Some folks are born silver spoon in hand

Lord, don't they help themselves, no

But when the taxman comes to the door

Lord, the house looks like a rummage sale, yeah

It ain't me, it ain't me

I ain't no millionaire's son, no no

It ain't me, it ain't me

I ain't no fortunate one, no

Yeah, Some folks inherit star spangled eyes

Ooh, they send you down to war, Lord

And when you ask 'em, "How much should we give?"

Ooh, they only answer "More, more, more!"

It ain't me, it ain't me

I ain't no military son, son, lord

It ain't me, it ain't me

I ain't no fortunate one, one

It ain't me, it ain't me

I ain't no fortunate one, no no no

It ain't me, it ain't me

I ain't no fortunate son, no no no

Christian83 · 2019-10-14T13:19:51Z

RC - Reading those lyrics, a certain Hunter Biden springs to mind...

They say it’s a conspiracy theory that he has his positions through the help of his father. Not really a conspiracy theory if he’s stepping down though is it? [Link]
The article says he won’t work with foreign companies if Creepy Joe wins 2020... He’s safe there then!

Christian83 · 2019-10-14T13:23:26Z

Goodness my memory is shockingly bad when it comes to names, but I know these guys!!! Thanks RC!

Christian83 · 2019-10-14T13:13:16Z

RC - Some lyrics are as pertinent today as they were then. Some tunes are timeless.

Thanks for the link I shall have a listen this afternoon!

Some of us were doing this back in the 70's and 80's...wonderful healthy lifestyle...Best to keep it low key...no need to advertise your success...

keith9876

This is good news but how does this.... On a couple of acres, a farmer might raise 1,200 pastured chickens, selling them as whole birds or cut-up...

Bsotted

It’s more like,Start spreading your butt cheeks,mark my words,it won’t end well.

CharlesPrest

Third world moochers sucking off the hard work of western nations. Send them all back.

RedRidingHood

What do you expect,did anyone really expect that the city would become a better place.wait it will get worse.

CharlesPrest

Don't Panic! Lighten Up!

Constitution slowly disappearing say stunned officials at National Archives

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