Wolf and Goths
© Waterford Whispers News
IN ASTONISHING news, a group of scientists are laying claiming to having resurrected the long extinct dire wolf, last seen on earth 10,000 years ago.

However, instead of basking in worldwide adulation they presumed they'd receive, the scientists at Colossal Biosciences in America have been urged to direct their genome modifying tech to bringing back Ireland's rarest species; that of the old Central Bank dwelling goths.

"Ah they were always good for an auld point and laugh at," explained one Dubliner, who has urged for the reintroduction of the goth species of Irish person. "Those dour looking fannies always cracked me".

Previous attempts at bringing back the goths saw scientists try getting a wig, cut into an emo-fringe, to mate with an eyeliner wearing panda. The attempt was ultimately unsuccessful and a once vibrant terrain of goth grazing, which had a herd of 12,000 at its peak in 2005 withered away to nothing.

"And before people say 'there's loads of goths out there', those are young people who are in love with the aestheticism of the goth look, they possess none of the miserable nihilistic outlook. They wouldn't know a copy of Kerrang if it whizzed by their face on a skateboard," confirmed one Dubliner, who feels when the native concrete dwelling miserablists disappeared the city lost a vital piece of its biodiversity.

"The ecological balance is all out of whack, it's no coincidence that when the goths died off, an invasive species of Canada Goose draped, identical-haircutted twats emerged," added one conservationists who told Colossal Biosciences he has preserved an ancient goth's lip piercing trapped in amber that could provide the necessary DNA sample to bring them back.