Schiff
© Reuters/Yara Nardi
Schiffting the blame...
Congress has warned the nation that if this impeachment trial continues for a while, they may have to work 30 hours a week.

"If this keeps up, we're really gonna have to burn the midnight oil and put in 25 or even 30 hours," whined Rep. Adam Schiff. "That leaves me hardly any time for taking bribes from lobbyists!"

"Let's wrap this puppy up," said Senator Mitch McConnell, checking his watch. "I can get 350 judges confirmed an hour, so at our usual workweek of 15 hours, that's like a trillion judges a week. Every minute we spend on this impeachment trial is a minute I'm not making the courts great again."

"Plus, I'm missing Columbo."

Senator Bernie Sanders grumbled that he won't have time to maintain all three of his houses. "Who's supposed to polish the gold toilets? Well, I guess I have my butler for that. But then I can't shout at him for doing a bad job!"

Sanders then shook his fist at the proceedings and curled up into his usual afternoon nap.