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Fri, 27 Nov 2020
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Award-winning investigative journalist ridiculed on Twitter after calling out Ivanka Trump for 'LEGOGATE' fib

Lego White House
© Getty Images / Tom Brenner
A Lego model of the White House is seen resting on a desk inside the Oval Office of the White House, March 6, 2019
With 'Russiagate' done and dusted, and the 'Ukrainegate' impeachment a flop, some intrepid journalists have scraped the bottom of the barrel and come up with a new Trump family scandal: 'Legogate.'

Speaking to the Republican National Convention on Thursday, the US president's daughter and advisor, Ivanka Trump, shared a personal anecdote about moving to Washington DC with her family. "My son Joseph promptly built Grandpa a Lego replica of the White House. The president still displays it on the mantel in the Oval Office and shows it to world leaders, just so they know he has the greatest grandchildren on Earth," she said.

An innocuous story on the surface, but WNYC reporter and Peabody Award recipient Andrea Bernstein smelled a rat. "OMG," she tweeted, "She told the same story about herself once, building a lego Trump Tower. The story was made up."

Smiley

Powerful: Protesters spell out 'love' with burning homes and businesses

burning house love
© The Babylon Bee
In a powerful display of their care for love and justice, protesters in Minneapolis burned the word "LOVE" into the city, arranging the inspiring message with homes and businesses set ablaze by their riots.

Heartfelt and moving.

"We just really wanted to show how much we care about love and social justice by burning this community into a powerful reminder of what it's all about," said local protester Jake Hernandez, who had flown in from Portland for the event. "Now, when police and fire helicopters fly over to try to restore order, they'll be inspired by our message of love and harmony."

Upon seeing the heart-wrenching message of unity, police dropped their batons, ripped off their badges, donned bandanas, picked up bricks, and joined the protesters in their rioting and looting. "I don't know how I didn't see the light before," said former police officer, now Antifa chapter leader Bridget Morrison as she lobbed a Molotov cocktail into a minority-owned business. "I'm woke to the cause of love and harmony."

What a powerful message! The protesters were also planning to burn the word "SOCIAL JUSTICE" into predominantly black parts of town but have sadly run out of buildings to burn.

Black Cat 2

Cat lobby endorses Trump in hopes Americans will go back to work and leave them alone

Cats Endorse Trump
© Babylon Bee
At the Republican National Convention this week, the nation's largest cat lobby endorsed Trump in hopes that the economy will be reopened and Americans will go back to work.

The cats condemned Biden's plan to keep everyone at home and endorsed Trump's plan to send Americans back to work.

"Biden wants to lock down the country," said one tabby cat, addressing the Republican Cat Caucus. "This would be disastrous for our plans to crush human -- err, our plans to lie around and do absolutely nothing all day."

Fireball 5

Approaching asteroid surges to the top of the polls

Election Poll US
© Babylon Bee
U.S. — Asteroid 2018 VP1 is making a splash in the polls, having immediately eclipsed both incumbent President Donald Trump and challenger Joe Biden.

While some campaigns get off to a rocky start, the asteroid is seeing a meteoric rise in the polls. Trump and Biden have struggled with their plans to end coronavirus and restart the economy, but the asteroid says it can end all racism, economic problems, and all of our struggles forever.

"I'll take the asteroid," said one man in Delaware. "I was leaning Biden, but he kept saying dumb and racist things. The asteroid has never done anything like that. No gaffes of any kind."

Mr. Potato

Kamala Harris, 'pranked' by Russian comedians posing as Greta Thunberg, 'accepts' hoax kompromat on Trump

Kamala Harris Thunberg
© REUTERS/Kevin Lamarque (L) REUTERS/Lucas Jackson (R)
(L) Kamala Harris; Greta Thunberg.
It seems pranksters Vovan and Lexus have successfully duped another politician, with audio suggesting Democrat VP nominee Kamala Harris was eager to accept a fake recording of Donald Trump, believing the caller was Greta Thunberg.

Vovan and Lexus, whose real names are Vladimir Kuznetsov and Alexey Stolyarov, posed as the teenage climate activist and her father Svante to make a phone call in January to Harris, just months before she became Joe Biden's running mate.

"Congratulations on all your leadership. I'm so inspired by your courage and your voice," Sen. Harris (D-California) tells the pranksters, in the audio clip obtained by The Sun.

The duo then claim they have "dirt" on Trump that could prove helpful to Harris, in the form of a recording of the president telling Thunberg "you will never achieve your goal."

Smiley

Biden exceeds all expectations by speaking coherently for over 20 minutes!

Joe Biden

The size of the medical support team behind the speech is a closely guarded secret
Fans nervously gathered by the dozens on Thursday to hear Joe Biden's historic acceptance speech at the Democratic National Convention. After 20 minutes, supporters and Democrats across the nation were blown away by Biden's ability to make it through a coherent speech without forgetting who he was or falling asleep.

As the Biden delivered his final words, Democrats exhaled and erupted in rapturous applause, their abysmal expectations shattered.

"I can't believe it! He actually did it!" one campaign staffer exclaimed. "It's taken weeks to prepare for this event. We had to make sure and remove any distractions, such as heads of hair, or shiny objects from the stage. We surrounded him with teleprompters which included colorful pictures. He practiced reading the speech 1,200 times. We've been pumping him full of various drugs for 3 days to keep him more lucid. All our hard work paid off!"

Mr. Potato

Report: Kamala Harris already vetting VP picks

kamala harris

Sen. Kamala Harris, D-Calif
Supporters of Kamala Harris have been eagerly awaiting an announcement on who her VP pick will be when she takes over as president approximately 5 minutes after Joe Biden is inaugurated. According to sources close to the campaign, she is already vetting possible candidates for the job.

"I am proud to announce I will soon be announcing my pick for Vice President of the United States," said Harris. "We have searched all across this great land. While I cannot yet confirm who my pick will be, I can say this: my pick for VP will be even MORE of a woman and even MORE of color than I am. It will be the most colorful and womanly team ever!" She then threw her head back and cackled maniacally.

Smiley

Strategy! Trump puts himself on all postage stamps, Dems forced to push for abolishing USPS

trump stamp satire
© The Babylon Bee
Sources are reporting that Trump has dealt a killer blow in his ongoing war against his sworn enemy, the U.S. Post Office. In a move of sheer, mind-blowing brilliance, Trump directed the Post Office to put his face on every single stamp, forcing the Democrats to reverse course and abolish the institution once and for all.

The new stamp, dubbed "The Trump-Stamp," to be used on all pieces of mail features a smiling Donald Trump, with the caption "GREATEST PRESIDENT EVER."

Don Lemon broke the news in a tearful address to the nation last night. "Our democracy is over," he said. "It doesn't exist anymore. I will never send another piece of mail ever again, and neither should you or else you're a racist."

Antifa and BLM responded by marching on local post offices and burning them down. Enthusiastic Trump supporters quickly bought up all the stamps. They are now selling for $3,000 apiece online.

Comment: Despite the humor- and satire-challanged gatekeepers at Twitter, the Bee lives!

SATIRE PURGE: Twitter suspends multiple conservative satire accounts including The Babylon Bee


Bacon

Wild boar who stole German nudist's clothes to be culled

A nudist gave chase after the boar stole his bag
© Social media
A nudist gave chase after the boar stole his bag
Forestry officials say the boar has lost its fear of humans and could be dangerous

A trained marksman is to be deployed to shoot a wild boar that stole the clothes of a naked German man, Berlin authorities said on Friday.

The boar made international headlines last week after photographs of the portly nudist giving chase were shared on social media.

But in a sad postscript to the incident, the local forestry department said yesterday (FRI) the boar would have to be killed as it has lost its fear of humans and presents a danger to public safety.

The boar in question emerged from the forest with two cubs last week and made its way through crowds of Berliners seeking to cool off in the Teufelsee, one of the city's many lakes.

Oscar

Mother dog jumps into floodwater to save her puppy in China

rescue
A mother dog jumped into floodwater to save her puppy in southwest China. The heartwarming clip, filmed in the city of Meishan in Sichuan Province on August 12, shows a police officer trying to stop a mother dog from diving into deep floodwater. But, she rescued her puppy who was stranded in the middle of the water and brought it back to the shore.