me too
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No one knows who this dude is, but his face makes a great meme!
Did you miss out on the #IceBucketChallenge? Still confused about how to #Plank properly? Is it no longer trendy to put an opaque rainbow flag over your profile picture? Do you have just enough common sense not to eat laundry detergent pods on Youtube?

Well, fear not! There is a new social media trend sweeping the internet that you too can join, in order to feel included with the masses.

It's called #MeToo, and anyone can do it!

Even if you've never actually been harassed or assaulted. Even if all your romantic encounters have been fairly benign. Even if you have deep understanding of complex issues that surround the mating rituals between men and women. You can now cast all that aside with these handy - ready to use - #MeToo status updates.

Just plug one of the following phrases into your Facebook newsfeed or Twitter update and bask in the warm glow of perpetual victimhood, as all your self-righteous social media "friends" join in faux-sympathy to congratulate your courage for speaking out.
Yesterday, my neighbour's dog tried humping my leg.

Feeling violated. :-(

#MeToo
Some weird guy has been stalking me. Shows up at my house everyday, leaving messages. Calls himself "The Postman."

Terrified of everything.

#MeToo
Last week, my physiotherapist put his hand on my knee.

He looked like Dustin Hoffman.

#MeToo
So, I was sitting on the toilet, trying to take care of some business, and the cat came in at stared at me the whole time!

Gives new meaning to the word predator.

#MeToo
The cashier at the grocery store touched my hand while giving me change. Had the audacity to say, "Have a good afternoon."

No Consent.

#MeToo
Some guy on the Metro stood up to give me his seat. Like he wanted my bum to touch the place where his bum once was.

Looking at the world through rape-coloured glasses.

#MeToo
My husband of 52 years said I still looked as good as Marylin Monroe, a renowned sex symbol.

All men are pigs.

#MeToo
Got arrested for making a false rape accusation, and some sleazy cop took my photo without consent. Called it a "mugshot."

Feeling objectified.

#MeToo
My Uber driver, who looked suspiciously like a weaker, skinnier, more effeminate version of Aziz Ansari, had the gall to ask me where I wanted to "get off".

Words are violence.

#MeToo
Feel free to add your own suggestions in the comment box below...