Don't Panic! Lighten Up!S


Black Cat

Streetwise cat uses Zebra Crossing to cross street in Dartford, UK

cat crossing
A chauffeur in England spotted a law abiding cat waiting for the light to change before crossing the street at a local crosswalk.

Justin Scrutton shared dash cam video of the "streetwise" cat as it waited patiently for traffic to stop before walking along a crosswalk.

"Cat using a Zebra Crossing," Scrutton wrote. "Only in Dartford..."

Scrutton applauded the feline as it appeared to follow proper traffic etiquette by looking both ways before crossing the two-way street.

"I was amazed when the car on the other side of the road stopped too and the cat calmly crossed," he told ITV.


Airplane

Satire: U.S. jets make "unsafe intercept" of Russian spy plane near Houston, TX

russian spy plane
Russia's most advanced spy plane was routinely patrolling the Gulf of Mexico when rudely and unsafely intercepted by F-15s.
American planes made an "unsafe intercept" of a Russian Navy spy plane flying over the Gulf of Mexico Wednesday, say Russian officials.

US jet intercepts Russian aircraft with 'unsafe' maneuvers. The US aircraft performed multiple interceptions of the Russian plane, with one tense encounter bringing the planes within 10 feet of each other.

The intercept this week is the latest in a series of encounters that evoke cold war posturing between the United States and Russia and in the aftermath of World War II.

The Russian plane, a Tupolev Tu-16R Badger, was reportedly intercepted four times by a McDonnell Douglas F-15 as it flew through international airspace. The Russian pilot reported one of those intercepts as particularly unsafe.

Comment: Ted Galen Carpenter writes:
The attitude that no U.S. military action is ever provocative emerges even when U.S. forces are operating in the immediate security environs of other major powers. Thus, the Navy's so-called freedom-of-navigation patrols in the South China Sea, thousands of miles from the American homeland, are portrayed as perfectly normal—even though Beijing objects vehemently to them. Chinese naval and air operations countering those patrols are, of course, dangerous, provocative and unacceptable. That is the case even though the South China Sea is a lot closer to China than it is to the United States.

A similar double standard is evident regarding deployments involving U.S. and Russian warships in both the Baltic Sea and the Black Sea. There are frequent U.S. complaints that Russian ships or aircraft have harassed American vessels. There is never any apparent awareness that Moscow might legitimately consider having U.S. military operations in waters so close to Russia as a security threat. Indeed, Obama administration officials summarily dismiss Moscow's concerns and objections.

Yet all we would need to do in the cases of Iran, China and Russia is engage in a basic thought exercise. How would the United States respond if the naval forces of another power sailed uninvited into waters close to U.S. territorial waters—and did so repeatedly despite Washington's objections? It is unlikely that either U.S. officials or the American people would consider it a friendly act. Imagine the reaction, for example, if a fleet of Chinese warships routinely conducted ongoing "freedom of navigation" exercises in the Gulf of Mexico. Likewise, it is difficult to contemplate Americans remaining indifferent to the sight of Russian destroyers and cruisers in the waters off Cape Cod.



Eye 1

SOTT Exclusive: Putin - Hacking American democracy for the last 200 years

putin hackers movie floppy disks
Putin, using advanced Russian technology to hack American democracy - from his mom's basement
The secret's out. Hillary Clinton's told the whole world: "Russia's hacked into a lot of things."

On August 27th, corporate puppet Senator Harry Reid took the bold move that we had all been waiting for - he requested the FBI finally intervene in Russia's 'hacking into a lot of things', stating that:
The 'evidence of a direct connection between the Russian government and Donald Trump's presidential campaign continues to mount and has led Michael Morrell, the former Acting Central Intelligence Director, to call Trump an "unwitting agent" of the Kremlin.'
While a thinking person might take pause and consider that "extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence", Senator Reid provided absolutely no evidence whatsoever to support his extraordinary claim. Fortunately the US State Department has yet again come to the rescue and provided irrefutable evidence that makes Senator Reid's claims make sense, as opposed to the baseless and outlandish nonsense that they appear to be at first glance.

The US State Department recently completed a multi-year-long investigation to uncover the truth about Putin's hacking, and discovered that the answers lie deeply embedded in a history - a history full of deceit.

So, before anyone else starts to get clued in to the fact that democracy in the USA has a long history of being rigged through racial violence, shadowy electronic voting machines, and outright fraud - the US government wants to distract inform you with the shocking evidence that Putin has 'hacked a lot of things'. In the following paragraphs, we will exclusively reveal that shocking evidence.

Dig

To appease angry elves, Iceland construction company unearths rock covered over after landslide clearance

enchanted elfin rock
© AFP/Oilvier MorinConstruction sites in Iceland have been moved so as not to disturb the local elfin population
Reykjavik - Iceland has been forced to bow to pressure from elves and uncover a supposedly enchanted elfin rock after highway workers accidentally buried it -- infuriating the mythical creatures, reports said Tuesday.

The angry elves were suspected of causing a series of mishaps after the rock was covered over when workers cleared away the debris from a landslide, the Morgunbladid daily reported.

Iceland is no stranger to bending to the will of its elfin population.

Construction sites have previously been moved so as not to disturb the creatures and fishermen have refused to go to sea because of their warnings: in Iceland, elves are part of every day life.

Snowman

Pasadena bears beat the heat in neighborhood pools

bears
© Jim Urquhart / Reuters
It must be unbearably hot in California, because a mama bear and her two cubs had to take a dip to cool off. While they don't own the pools that they splashed around in, they certainly made themselves at home - literally.

The heat in Pasadena has been getting to some residents, especially the ones covered in fur.

Perhaps that's why a black bear and her two cubs wandered through a neighborhood to swim in pools. When they wanted a snack, they moved to dumpsters, and one clumsy cub bumped into a glass door, shattering it.

"It's not unusual at all to see bear activity," Andrew Hughan, a spokesman for the state's Department of Fish and Wildlife, told the Los Angeles Times. "But it's unusual to have them in the pool."

Smiley

Mexico decides building a border wall actually be a good idea after Trump's visit

Trump
© News Thump
Mexico has decided that building a wall if Donald Trump wins the US Presidency would actually be a pretty good idea.

Officials confirmed the change in policy after Trump came to visit Presidente Nieto yesterday, saying that eight billion dollars would be a small price to pay to keep all that crazy out.

Representatives of the US State Department immediately contacted Mexico to ask why they'd want to ban US citizens, and accused the Mexican government of being unhelpful when they laughed down the phone and hung up.

"Trump and the Presidente were talking yesterday and halfway through Presidente Nieto just said 'Fuck this shit' and demanded we order a million tons of bricks immediately," said Government spokesman Simonez Williamsio.

"Then the phone rang and it was the Canadian Prime Minister asking if we'd like to form a buying consortium, as they'd had the same idea.

"Although they said they'd be building most of their wall out of ice once they've got the licensing rights issues sorted out."

Mexico has confirmed the wall will have the added advantage of keeping Richard Hammond from getting in again.

Some Americans have reacted angrily to the suggestion, arguing that the largest US export to Mexico, morbidly obese sex tourists, may be restricted by the move.

Cookie

Radical weight loss? Saudi man says he attended Daesh military training camp to get fit

radical weight loss
A Saudi man apparently attended Daesh military training to lose weight. His legal argument has not apparently gone down too well with Saudi authorities.

The Riyadh Erie court has accused a Saudi man of belonging to the Daesh terrorist group.

The court provided evidence of the man attending military training in clandestine centers, in which men are trained as soldiers and are prepared to take part in terrorist attacks.

Comment: What's even funnier than this man's excuse for joining Daesh is Riyadh's pretensions about fighting terrorism.


Smiley

Putin did it! Vladimir Putin arrested in Florida for harassing Publix employees

putin arrested
© LiveStreamTVNews / YouTube
While some in the US may wish it was the real Vladimir Putin, the man arrested by West Palm Beach police is actually a Florida resident and bears little resemblance to his much more famous namesake.

The man who shares the same name as Russia's president has been arrested for allegedly trespassing and harassing employees at a Florida supermarket.

According to CBS 12, Putin appeared in court on Monday accused of verbally accosting staff at a Publix supermarket and refusing to leave the store on August 21.

It's thought the man became irate after missing a ride he had arranged to take outside one of the largest grocery chains in the US. Putin has also been charged with resisting arrest, according to reports.

Unsurprisingly, Twitter users have been having a field day with the suspect's name.



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White fragility workplace training video

white sensitivity training
© AJ+
Racism in the workplace: What you can do to protect your white employees from hearing about it.


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SOTT Exclusive: Is Putin really an Islamofascist refugee terrorist bent on infiltrating America? Sanity says 'no', but Hillary says 'yes'

hillary clinton velociraptor
Hillary Clinton at a recent press conference presenting her latest evidence that she says PROVES beyond any doubt that Putin is responsible for all the ills of the world
Russia invaded Ukraine. Putin and Trump masterminded the rise of extreme nationalism. 'Putin killed my son'.

Each of these claims has crossed the lips of Western radio commentators, media pundits, and politicians - even the most gracious Hillary 'The Killary' Clinton.

These claims might seem like complete fantasy to any rational, thinking person, who might, after examining the available evidence, conclude that, far from being the source of fascist nationalism, Putin's Russia is far more democratic than the US, Russia defeated fascism in World War II, Russia was responsible for helping mitigate ISIS terrorism in Syria, and Putin's Russia has done a stand-up job of rebuilding the country after its post-Soviet collapse. But they'd be woefully wrong, according to the U.S. government.

In order to rebut these ridiculously reasonable claims, the State Department has released incontrovertible evidence that Putin is responsible for everything that's gone wrong - from the rise of the Alt-Right movement in America, to destabilizing the Western world, and even establishing the American police state. That's right. If you think things are bad in America, don't blame Americans - blame Putin.