Don't Panic! Lighten Up!S

Magic Wand

Nixon and Dixon

After his secretary conveyed psychic Jeane Dixon's prophecies about terrorism, President Nixon ordered Henry Kissinger and others to prepare for attacks

©Jeane Dixon Museum and Library, Strasburg, VA
Dixon greets Nixon in this undated photograph from the 1960s. The psychic's husband, James Dixon, stands behind her.

Bizarro Earth

Don't try it at home! Microwave experiments cause sponge disasters

Reports about a study that found microwave ovens can be used to sterilize kitchen sponges sent people hurrying to test the idea this week -- with sometimes disastrous results.

A team at the University of Florida found that two minutes in the microwave at full power could kill a range of bacteria, viruses and parasites on kitchen sponges.

They described how they soaked the sponges in wastewater and then zapped them. But several experimenters evidently left out the crucial step of wetting the sponge.

Magic Wand

Uri Geller TV show spooks Israeli magicians

TEL AVIV -- A war between magicians is raging in Israel, pitting Uri Geller and his aura of supernatural powers against those who see in him nothing but an unending lust for fame.

Geller, the world-famous Israeli spoon-bender, decided last year to do a television program in Israel in order to name an heir.

"Uri Geller Looks for a Successor" was an instant hit - with viewer ratings of nearly 40 percent. More than 1 million people tune in to see conjurers compete by performing stunts ranging from stopping watches to reading minds.

Bizarro Earth

Woman exudes gems from her toes - bizzare condition baffles even doctors

©Nashairi Mohd Nawi.
The stones (at left) produced by Siti's toe.

Arrow Down

Dummy Beckhams welcomed into US

Wax doubles of David and Victoria Beckham have been unveiled at the New York branch of Madame Tussauds ahead of the couple's impending move to the US.

The figures, draped in the stars and stripes, were placed next to a waxwork of George W Bush holding a sign saying "Welcome to America".

David has signed a five-year, £128m contract with LA Galaxy football team.

Victoria has already been seen on the celebrity circuit, partying with the stars after the Golden Globe Awards.

David's move has caused a flurry of excitement, with the footballer being described as a "celebrity supernova" and the biggest British invasion "since the Beatles" by the press.

The waxwork couple stand arm in arm, with David dressed in a black tuxedo and Victoria wearing a pale green sparkling evening gown.

Visitors are encouraged to embrace and kiss the figures as well as take photos.

Comment: The reason we included this spurious article in today's news is in order to highlight the following sentence:
"Visitors are encouraged to embrace and kiss the figures as well as take photos"
which we feel is a perfect example of the incredibly vacuous nature of modern culture.

"Kiss and embrace the plastic celebrities! Maybe you'll be famous too!"

If you hear a long drawn out wail in the next few moments, don't be alarmed, that'll be us plummeting towards the bottom of the cliff over which we are about to throw ourselves.

Bizarro Earth

Pet shop owner creates beer for dogs

After a long day hunting, there's nothing like wrapping your paw around a cold bottle of beer. So Terrie Berenden, a pet shop owner in the southern Dutch town of Zelhem, created a beer for her Weimaraners made from beef extract and malt.

"Once a year we go to Austria to hunt with our dogs, and at the end of the day we sit on the verandah and drink a beer. So we thought, my dog also has earned it," she said.

Arrow Down

US man survives 17-storey tumble

An American man has survived after falling 17 floors from the window of a hotel in the US city of Minneapolis.

Joshua Hanson, 29, landed on a roof awning and suffered multiple broken bones with some internal injuries, but is expected to recover.

Mr Hanson crashed through the floor-to-ceiling window at the end of a corridor after returning to the Hyatt Regency after a night of drinking.

Hotel managers said they would investigate the unprecedented incident.


Researcher hopes discovery lays Mona Lisa mystery to rest

ROME -- The world's most famously enigmatic woman may have shed some of her mystery.

An amateur Italian historian said yesterday he has found the final resting place of the woman some believe inspired Leonardo da Vinci's most renowned painting, the "Mona Lisa."

A death certificate shows Lisa Gherardini -- the Renaissance woman some believe was the model for the "Mona Lisa" -- died July 15, 1542, in Florence and is buried in a convent in central Florence, Giuseppe Pallanti said.

Magic Wand

First Twin Jenna Seeks Publishing Contract - Hasn't Written Anything

Amazing what an ignorant know-nothing can do when her daddy is president/dictator.


Mystery visitor makes 58th visit to Edgar Allan Poe's grave

A mystery man made the 58th consecutive visit to Edgar Allan Poe's grave in Baltimore this morning and was watched by the largest group of onlookers ever, the event's most faithful viewer said.

Jeff Jerome, curator of the Poe House and Museum, said 55 people braved a chilly morning to catch a glimpse of the annual visit of a man known as the Poe toaster to the writer's grave.

As he has done previously to mark Poe's birthday, the visitor arrived to place his half-empty bottle of cognac and three red roses at the grave, Jerome said.