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Tue, 23 May 2017
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Babushka blues: Video of Belarus granny playing guitar with a light bulb goes viral

© Згомеля Католік / YouTube
Lydia Drobyshevskaya
A video of a Belarusian granny in the street playing blues on the guitar with a light bulb has so far received over six million views.

Most of the people commenting on the viral YouTube video were touched by the performance, and wondered about the woman's fate.


Stanky Bean & Dorkwood: This is what happens when AI invents paint colors

Who came up with these names? Welp, it wasn't an AI.
At some point, we've all wondered about the incredibly strange names for paint colors. Research scientist and neural network goofball Janelle Shane took the wondering a step further. Shane decided to train a neural network to generate new paint colors, complete with appropriate names. The results are possibly the greatest work of artificial intelligence I've seen to date.

Writes Shane on her Tumblr, "For this experiment, I gave the neural network a list of about 7,700 Sherwin-Williams paint colors along with their RGB values. (RGB = red, green, and blue color values.) Could the neural network learn to invent new paint colors and give them attractive names?"

Shane notes that, at first, the algorithm seemed to be forming words that are a combination of brown, blue, and gray. Shane told Ars that she chose a neural network algorithm called char-rnn, which predicts the next character in a sequence. So basically the algorithm was working on two tasks: coming up with sequences of letters to form color names, and coming up with sequences of numbers that map to an RGB value. As she checked in on the algorithm's progress, she found that it was able to create colors long before it could actually name them reliably.


Dr. Putin's diagnosis: US political establishment has incurable Stage 4 Stupidity

© Politico
"Having examined the entire USA, I have come to a profound diagnosis."
With the United States rapidly descending into a William Hogarth political farce, curious minds want to know: What does Russia's President Vladimir Putin think about this never-ending freak circus?

Putin has generously provided us with some insight into his innermost thoughts on this trending topic. Speaking earlier this week at a news conference alongside Italy's prime minister (the same conference where he "reprimanded" Lavrov for withholding US nuclear codes), Putin casually diagnosed the US political establishment with a fatal case of dangerous stupidity:
It's hard to imagine what these people, who generate such nonsense and rubbish [about Trump's alleged ties to Russia], can dream up next.

What surprises me is that they are shaking up the domestic political situation using anti-Russian slogans. Either they don't understand the damage they're doing to their own country, in which case they are simply stupid, or they understand everything, in which case they are dangerous and corrupt.
The US is cannibalizing itself. Let's just hope that whatever reemerges from the American abyss will have some common sense. Hope dies last, as they say.

Comment: FYI: There doesn't seem to be an antidote.


Lavrov headed to the Gulag

© Russia Insider
He's furious!
Russia's Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrov is a traitor. During his secretive meeting with Donald Trump last week, Lavrov was provided with thousands of terabytes of top secret information. Victory! Except after Lavrov returned to Moscow, he failed to divulge this super secret information to Putin or Russia's secret services. As you can probably imagine, Putin is very upset that Lavrov chose to withhold so many juicy American secrets from him.

And today Putin publicly reprimanded Lavrov for betraying the Motherland:

Shame on Sergey Lavrov!

Black Cat 2

World's longest cat? Omar the Maine Coon may beat Guinness World record

© Via Instagram
AN Aussie moggy could officially become the world's longest cat, after the Guinness World Record team spotted pictures of the Maine Coon on Instagram.

Omar, who measures in at a staggering 120 centimetres and 14 kilograms, is on the verge of worldwide fame.

The current longest cat title belongs to a kitty in the UK, who measures in at 118.3cm, but the official record process for Omar has begun.

A Melbourne moggy could officially become the world's longest cat, after the Guinness World Record team spotted pictures of the Maine Coon on Instagram.

"We were expecting about a 9kg cat and he got to that before he was one-year-old," Omar's fur mum Stephanie Hirst said. "That's when we realised he's not nearly done (growing) yet and we've got a really big cat on our hands.


Fear hits bottom: Britain issues terrorism warning for travelers to Antarctica

© Global Look Press
Despite Islamic State (IS, formerly ISIS/ISIL) founding its "caliphate" in the desert climes of the Middle East, the British Foreign Office has seen fit to issue a terrorism warning for travelers planning a sojourn to the vast, sub-zero wastelands of Antarctica. In new official advice, the department warned: "Although there's no recent history of terrorism in the British Antarctic Territory, attacks can't be ruled out.

"There's a heightened threat of terrorist attack globally against UK interests and British nationals, from groups or individuals motivated by the conflict in Iraq and Syria. You should be vigilant at this time."

The warning drew a strong reaction from a former British Army colonel and one-time government security adviser. "MI5's then-director-general once said there was a terror threat almost everywhere except Antarctica. Now they've put Antarctica on the list," Colonel Richard Kemp told the International Business Times. "We expect guidance based on intelligence, not a pointless exercise in back-covering - unless I've missed the Islamic State Polar Brigade."

A former Metropolitan Police detective also criticized the decision. "The idea of ISIS terrorism at the South Pole is ridiculous," Ian Horrocks told the IBT. "It may put people at risk, as warnings with little credible explanation are often ignored."

The UK's Antarctic territory consists of a 660,000 sq mile chunk of the world's most inhospitable wilderness. It contains two research stations and several species of penguin, none of which are known to having extremist leanings.


The Russians are at it again - Putin demands $300 ransom in NHS cyberattack

© Aim Org
The $300 ransom demanded in the NHS cyber attack would 'almost double' Russian GDP if paid, experts have warned.

Putin is well known for targeting western institutions with cyberattacks to expand his own power and wealth, and the demand for almost £250 represents 'untold wealth' in Roubles after 15 years of his wise economic guidance.

The Russian Premier made his demands from his gigantic Black Sea Palace, which he laughingly claims is a sanitarium for the Russian people.

Putin is expected to use the windfall to buy himself some blue jeans and perhaps some Western Coca-Cola if his demands are met.

"$300 would be a huge boost to the Russian economy, almost doubling their GDP in one stroke," international cyberwarfare expect Simon Williams told us.

"Putin's has devoted huge resources to cyberwarfare, allocating almost forty acres of beetroot to keeping key staff in the lap of Russian luxury.

"Three hundred bucks would be a massive win for him, justifying the effort."

However, NHS insiders have questioned Russian involvement, suggesting that its more likely malware downloaded when some dumb bastard clicked an 888 casino pop-up advert.


Vaccine Zombie (VIDEO)

Comment: Warning: some crude language included.

Song Lyrics

Standin' in line for the vaccine shot

Hope I get mine cause believe it or not
I think I might die less I take what they got
My brain's too fried so I give it no thought, no thought

Cause the FDA said it's safe for me
The drug companies claim that it's made for me
And the government, they gonna pay for me
It's not too late for me, is it?

Now it's my turn to be injected.
They say it's gonna hurt but I'll be protected.
When they give the word I do as I'm directed.
I'm not the kind of person to do something unexpected

Mr. Potato

Colorado man arrested in Wyoming after telling motel front desk his pot had been stolen

Eric Jarrin: "Yo! Somebody stole my dubbage and I want it back!"
Casper police have arrested two Colorado men after both showed officers their separate stashes of marijuana in their motel rooms.

The Casper Star-Tribune reports Eric Jarrin told the front desk his marijuana had been stolen Tuesday. Management then called authorities, who arrived and confronted Jarrin.

An arrest affidavit states Jarrin told officer he had a sticky form of marijuana, "dabs," left, but all his plant marijuana had been stolen. Jarrin showed officers his "dabs," and then was arrested for possession of marijuana.

A separate arrest affidavit states Christopher Rathe had walked passed investigating officers smelling like marijuana. Officers confronted him, and he too took authorities to a motel room and showed them a marijuana stash. He then was arrested for possession of marijuana.

Comment: You're not in Colorado anymore, bro.


Mark Steel: Labour's leaked manifesto proves it's stuck in the 1970s, unlike those ultra-modern Tories who love fox hunting

© Dave Brown
Everyone agrees Labour's leaked manifesto will take us back to the 1970s, which is why we must re-elect the Conservatives so they can embrace the future, with policies such as bringing back fox hunting.

Nothing says you're grasping the digital age and leaving the past behind as much as dressing in a red tunic and galloping over a fence with beagles so you can catch a fox and celebrate its liver being ripped out by smearing its blood on your child's cheek. That's the sort of futuristic vision you'd get from a brainstorming session at Apple.

Hopefully the Conservative manifesto will delight us with other super-modern concepts, such as replacing IVF with a fertility dance, and funding pensions by making men over 65 sell their wives at the market.

Everything Labour proposes involves taking us back in the same way. Several Conservatives have taken issue with Labour's pledge to be "extremely cautious" before using the nuclear deterrent. What sort of 1970s nonsense is that? If you're going to be extremely cautious about dissolving millions of civilians in an apocalyptic firestorm, you might as well bring back outside toilets and On the Buses.

Instead of caution, Labour should get with the times by promising to set off a nuclear warhead if a five game accumulator comes up on Bet365. This is the excitement we crave, knowing that if West Bromwich Albion don't get an equaliser that's the end of Helsinki.