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Sun, 18 Feb 2018
The World for People who Think

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Satire: Black Guy Asks Nation For Change

CHICAGO - According to witnesses, a loud black man approached a crowd of some 4,000 strangers in downtown Chicago Tuesday and made repeated demands for change.

Black Guy
©The Onion
The black guy is oddly comfortable demanding change from people he's never even met.

"The time for change is now," said the black guy, yelling at everyone within earshot for 20 straight minutes, practically begging America for change. "The need for change is stronger and more urgent than ever before. And only you - the people standing here today, and indeed all the people of this great nation - only you can deliver this change."

Smiley

The £100,000 cornflake

Bidding for a cornflake resembling the US state of Illinois has reached more than £100,000 on eBay.

cornflake
©Unknown
Judge for yourself: The cornflake in question

HAL9000

Spanish cathedral installs indoor traffic lights to control crowds

A medieval cathedral in Spain's Mediterranean port of Valencia has installed two indoor traffic lights to help control the influx of visitors expected during Holy Week which begins on Sunday.

The traffic lights were placed at the bottom of the 207 steps of Valencia Cathedral's octagonal bell tower, which offers sweeping views of the city, as well as at the top of the staircase, the cathedral said on its website.

Smiley

Poland: Robbers reduced to tears

A pair of bank robbers burst into tears and collapsed choking in Poland after they tried to use pepper spray on a cashier in front of an air conditioning unit.

The wind blew the spray back over the pair, who staggered from the bank in the south-western city of Wroclaw empty handed.

A local police spokesman said: "They told the cashier to open the till and then tried to put her out of action to grab the cash - but the pepper sprayed back in their faces because of the blast of warm air from the heater.

Magic Wand

UK: Engagement ring ends up gone with the wind

It is the one moment every man wants to get right -- and which London floor-fitter Lefkos Hajji could hardly have got more wrong.

The luckless 28 year-old's dreams of giving his sweetheart, Leanne, 26, the ultimate proposal have literally vanished into thin air.

Binoculars

Bear convicted of theft

A bear who kept stealing honey from a beekeeper's hives has been convicted of theft and criminal damage in Macedonia.

But the bear was nowhere to be seen as the court in Bitola handed down its judgement, reports the Daily Telegraph.

Evil Rays

Excuse of the year?

A German lorry driver escaped a rap for driving while using a mobile phone - after claiming he was using it as an ear warmer.

A court in Hamm accepted Walter Klein's claims that he had been using the phone which was warm after being recharged to warm his ears.

Health

Coeliac sufferer refused gluten-free wafer for his First Communion in Spain

A young boy who suffers Coeliac disease, caused by a reaction to a gluten protein found in wheat, has been refused permission by the Church for gluten-free wafers to be used at his First Communion. His parents, María José Martín and Javier Campo, told the newspaper 'Heraldo de Aragón,' that both their parish priest in Huesca City and the vicar general of the diocese refused to allow their son to receive the Host at his Communion in the form of a wafer made of maize flour supplied by the Coeliacs Association. The priets based their decision on a text issued by Joseph Ratzinger, now Pope Benedict XVI, in 1995, stating that wafers must contain at least a tiny amount of gluten in order to be 'valid matter for the celebration of the Eucharist.'

Light Sabers

US: Mouse grounds plane for over 5 hours

A mouse intent on flying to Atlanta prompted officials to ground a plane for more than five hours Thursday in Des Moines. A flight attendant spotted the mouse before passengers boarded the 5:50 a.m. Atlantic Southeast Airlines flight. About 30 passengers were kept waiting at the gate until the plane finally left about 11:30 a.m.


Light Sabers

Jail birds close Australian police station

An influx of jail birds has forced Australian police to temporarily close a country police station and courthouse.

The problem has been caused by large numbers of wild pigeons nesting in the town of Murray Bridge, about 100 km east of the South Australian state capital of Adelaide.