Don't Panic! Lighten Up!S


Mr. Potato

US: Arrest made after blow dart spree

Cara Spoto
Stevens Point Journal
Fri, 23 Apr 2010 11:25 UTC
Stevens Point, Wisconsin - A 41-year-old Plover woman is in Portage County Jail after a blow darting spree in downtown Stevens Point Wednesday night.

Paula Wolf was arrested at 9:30 p.m. Wednesday, less than an hour after four pedestrians told police they were shot with blow darts that came from a van she was driving.

Police received its first report at 9 p.m. from a 25-year-old Stevens Point woman who said she was walking in the 800 block of Crosby Avenue near Pfiffner Pioneer Park when she felt a dart hit her chest. A second victim, a 21-year-old Stevens Point man, said he was walking past Mead Park at 9:13 p.m. when he saw a van come up from behind and then felt a dart in his chest. Another victim, a 42-year-old Mosinee man, was walking in the 1300 block of Church Street when he felt a dart strike him in the back. A fourth victim was standing outside 1140 Main Street at 9:30 p.m. smoking a cigarette when a black minivan with what appeared to be a pipe sticking out the window pulled up. The victim said she felt the dart hit her, but it did not puncture her skin because she was wearing several layers of clothing.
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Telephone

US: Zambian ambassador speaks at New Jersey high school after calling student by accident

Halley Bondy
New Jersey Star-Ledger
Thu, 22 Apr 2010 13:44 UTC
Lazarous Kapambwe
© Alexandra Pais/New Jersey Local News ServiceLazarous Kapambwe, representative of the Republic of Zambia to the United Nations talks to students at West Orange High School on Wednesday April 21, 2010.
Logan Svitzer was sitting in his U.S. history class here when his cell phone rang. He answered, but didn't understand the person on the other end and hung up. He subsequently received a text message, which he ignored. Then the phone rang two more times.

Annoyed by the disruption, Svitzer's teacher, Robbin Sweeney, grabbed the cell and called back the number. On the other end was a man saying he was Lazarous Kapambwe, the Zambian ambassador to the United Nations. Sweeney was certain it was a prank or a con.

But after 10 minutes on the phone, Sweeney became convinced Kapambwe was telling the truth. Kapambwe was urgently trying to get a hold of a fellow diplomat from Sierra Leone to discuss a proposed reform of the UN Security Council. But the phone number he had stored in his phone was one digit off.
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Smiley

Amsterdam: Burglars break into prison to rob absent inmates

Ben Berkowitz
Reuters
Wed, 21 Apr 2010 13:21 UTC
It would make a good gag for a comedy if it weren't actually true: thieves have broken into a Dutch prison to steal the inmates' televisions.

Twice in the last six weeks, burglars broke into a minimum-security prison and stole TVs from cells while prisoners were on weekend furloughs, a spokesman for the justice ministry said on Wednesday.

The prison, in the town of Hoorn 42 km (26 miles) northeast of Amsterdam, is for inmates near the end of their sentences.

The facility is what the Dutch government calls a "very modestly protected environment," where prisoners transition back into society. They are typically allowed weekend leave, which is when the burglars decided to take advantage.
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Smiley

Canada: Dog foiled in first bid for mayor's job

Carola Vyhnak
TheStar.com
Mon, 19 Apr 2010 20:33 UTC
Image
© Carola Vyhnak/Toronto Star
Blame it on the wagging tail. Genny's first step in her bid to be voted top dog on Clarington council was less than a howling success on Monday.

Man's best friend has no place in politics, the Labrador retriever's agent Marven Whidden was told when he tried to register her as a mayoral candidate in the Oct. 25 municipal election.

"I'm sorry, we won't be accepting nominations for a dog," municipal clerk Patti Barrie said when the pair showed up at Town Hall in Bowmanville. "She's not a person."

But the 3-year-old retriever is not about to roll over and play dead following the rejection. Plan B could be a write-in ballot campaign or a petition hounding council to allow Genny's candidacy, Whidden said.
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Ladybug

US: Topless gardener wins fight with landlord


Associated Press
Fri, 16 Apr 2010 13:31 UTC
Topless Gardener
© AP Photo/The Daily Camera, Mark LeffingwellIn this May 4, 2009 file photo, Robert and Catherine Pierce are seen at their home. The couple wanted their photo taken with their mouths taped closed because they feel their rights are being violated.
A Colorado woman who likes to garden wearing only a yellow thong and pink gloves has won her fight with her landlords, who wanted her to cover up.

Boulder Housing Partners has decided not to outlaw tenants from going topless outside. That will allow 52-year-old Catharine Pierce to keep gardening the way she likes.

Betsey Martens with the city housing authority noted Wednesday that the Boulder City Council recently voted to continue to exempt female toplessness from a ban on public nudity. Martens said the council's action reflects the community's values.
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Smiley

Gnome Census: Illinois town plans first garden gnome count

Steve Schmadeke
Chicago Tribune
Sat, 17 Apr 2010 13:56 UTC
Ever since the tiny downstate town of Strasburg adopted garden gnomes as its mascot about two years ago, the pint-size mythological figures have arrived in increasing numbers, residents say.

And so town leaders have decided to launch their first Gnome Census, sending volunteers door to door Saturday to ask the roughly 600 residents how many bearded figurines they have, as well as their sex, age and place of origin.

It's a bit of fun that leaders hope will bring members of the community, about 80 miles southeast of Springfield, closer together.
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Oscar

Stop Griping Joe Public - The Election Aint About You!

Andrew Marr
Feed the Moon
Tue, 13 Apr 2010 12:10 UTC
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It's gonna be a corker!...For us, not you.

In my long career as a political correspondent I honestly can't remember more buzz and excitement than that currently being generated by this looming election campaign. What's that Marr, I hear you say, have you finally lost your mind? -Well, no, I haven't: I'm not actually talking about you lot, the much put-upon general public - the buzz to which I refer is the buzz created, maintained and enjoyed by us: the newspaper and television correspondents! Yes, we, the humble servants of the media-behemoths are positively salivating at the prospect of live debates between the three major parties . Can you imagine the amount of airtime we will spend, carefully analysing and breaking down those bland, carefully-rehearsed answers the three leaders will give to our inane and carefully-vetted questions?

And make no mistake, although you, the general public have never before felt quite so apathetic, quite so cynical, and utterly detached from the political scene - we, the mass media have never felt so juiced and close to the action. I say, hoorah! -That has got to be great news for everyone! -Every one of us in the media that is!
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Mr. Potato

This is NOT satire! Bin Laden ordered a satellite TV dish to watch 9/11 attacks... but couldn't get a signal from his mountain cave!


UK Daily Mail
Fri, 16 Apr 2010 19:23 UTC
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Following successive attempts to install broadband, Osama just gave up paying the mortgage on his Tora Bora condo and retired to Florida
Osama Bin Laden requested a satellite TV dish be installed in his Afghanistan hideaway so he could watch the September 11, 2001 terror attacks as they happened, according to his former bodyguard.

But the Al Qaeda leader was unable to get a signal in the mountainous terrain surrounding his base in Kandahar so couldn't watch the two hijacked planes hit the World Trade Center in New York, claimed Nasser Al Bahri.

The 37-year-old said: 'He asked for satellite TV to be able to follow the bombing.'

Mr Al Bahri, who was known as Abu Jandal (The Killer), served Bin Laden for three years before being arrested in Yemen ahead of the 9/11 attacks.

But he claims to know Bin Laden told his media chief Hassan Al-Bahloul: 'It is very important that we are able to watch the news today.'

Bin Laden also instructed Mr Al Bahri to shoot him dead if he was on the verge of being captured by Western forces, the former bodyguard said.

'I would rather receive two bullets in the head than to be taken prisoner,' he told him. 'I want to die a martyr, but certainly not in prison.'

Mr Al Bahri, who has renounced his extremist past, now regrets not having shot Bin Laden dead when he had the chance.

He said: 'Today I wish I had used it (the gun), but at the time he was someone very important for me.'

'Jihad is not about attacking civilians,' he added.

Comment: Remember that Bin Laden strenuously denied any involvement in 9/11 in the immediate aftermath of the NeoCons' "new Pearl harbor":

Bin Laden says he wasn't behind 911 attacks

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Question

Tea Party protest signs: Copyediting tips proffered


The Christian Science Monitor
Fri, 02 Apr 2010 00:00 UTC
Whatever the Tea Party movement's merits, their protest signs don't always present themselves well. To promote clearer political discourse, we've offered some free copyediting.

TPM sign
© UnknownPROBLEM: Homophone confusion, extraneous hyphen. SOLUTION: To communicate first-person plural possession, use the pronoun 'our' instead of the verb 'are.'
TPM sign
© UnknownPROBLEM: 'Excetions' is not a word. SOLUTION: Use actual words. Punctuation can also be helpful in conveying meaning.
TPM sign
© UnknownPROBLEM: 'Hugh' is a rather common first name, thus the meaning of the sign is unclear. SOLUTION: Include a surname, such as 'Grant,' 'Hefner,' or 'Jackman,' so that a reader of the sign will know exactly which Hugh to which you are objecting.

Comment: It's extremely hard to take these Tea Party people seriously when their signs reflect so poorly on their basic command of the English language. The Other 95% showed up at the Washington, D.C. rally with a great sign and with no errors:

The Other 95%
© Unknown
The Other 95% had no errors in their facts either, something else the Tea Partiers are woefully guilty of. The Obama stimulus bill provided an $800 family tax credit and federal income taxes are at historic lows as indicated by this chart:

Federal Income Tax Chart
© cbpp.org
Well, we wouldn't want facts to get in the way of a good rant.

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Mr. Potato

MSNBC Uses Puppets And Song To Explain the Financial Crisis

Jillian Rayfield
TPMmuckraker
Wed, 14 Apr 2010 06:31 UTC
Having trouble understanding the financial crisis?

MSNBC's got your solution right here: Puppets!

On Dylan Ratigan's show today, a troupe of puppets called "Story Pirates" sang a song about how Wall Street bankers and politicians paved the way for the financial collapse.

Sample lyric:

"You can wake up every morning and work hard all the time,
Or you can do what I do and commit financial crimes."
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