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Fri, 26 Aug 2016
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Jet3

Top western theories about flight MH370 mystery: 1. It flew into a black hole 2. Putin ate it


Many experts believe that Putin also ate Amelia Earhart
'An expert is a man on television'

No one knows for sure what happened to Malaysia Airlines Flight 370, but at least one person on television thinks that it could have been sucked into a black hole. The black hole theory is compelling, but not everyone is convinced. Other experts insist that Russian President Vladimir Putin straight-up ate the entire plane.

Who's right? Let's review the evidence.

Comment: While the "Putin ate it" theory is close to the level that western propaganda has sunk to lately in order to demonize everything that Russia does, the black hole theory might actually not be that far off. See our forum thread on the topic: Malaysia Airlines Flight 370 - Missing Plane


Sherlock

Video rant with Relic: US presidential elections - coming soon to a circus near you!


Old Relic: Sitting Around the Fire
Sit down for a spell with Old Relic as he throws some dry split birch onto a warm cozy fire and rants poetic about the discordant state of world affairs. Long retired now, after receiving his PhD in colouring outside the lines, this intrepid reporter joined the SOTT team after burning down his TV with a copy of the New York Times.

Reporting from his isolated one-room log cabin on the cold northern shores of Upper Lake Canada, this grizzled cantankerous old curmudgeon shares his uniquely astigmatic perspective on the recent US presidential nomination process and carefully examines each the prospective candidates in turn.


Pistol

Psychiatric hospitals fill up with time travellers sent back to kill Donald Trump


The one who should be in a psychiatric facility
Psychiatric facilities across the United States are at breaking point after the number of people claiming to be sent from the future to stop Donald Trump reached epidemic proportions.

New research has shown that every ten minutes someone claiming to the from the future sent back to save humanity is admitted to a hospital somewhere in the US.

Dr Simon Williams told us, "We're struggling to cope to be honest. We're constantly booking people in who've been arrested before telling police they are on a secret mission from the future, and have to save the world.

"It used to be 'I'm Napoleon' - but not any more.

"To say you've been sent from the future to stop Donald Trump is a very unusual psychological delusion, especially to be suffered by so many people, with such a similar stated aim.

Bad Guys

Donald Trump's fascist Week

Donald Trump comes under fire for unknowingly tweeting a Benito Mussolini quote, and he may have more in common with the fascism founder than he realizes.

Megaphone

Make Donald Drumpf Again: John Oliver tackles Donald Trump - The result is awesome

© Last Week Tonight/YouTube
John Oliver shreds Donald Trump apart, exposing his lies with hilarious panache
On this week's episode of Last Week Tonight, John Oliver feels he can no longer ignore Donald Trump, as his campaign approaches cancer-like intensity:
We have mostly ignored Trump on this show, but he has now won three states, been endorsed by Chris Christie and polls show him leading most Super Tuesday states, which is a big deal. Since 1988 every candidate who's won the most states on Super Tuesday went on to become their parties' nominee. So at this point, Donald Trump is America's back mole: it may have seemed harmless a year ago, but now that it has got frighteningly bigger, it is no longer wise to ignore it.

Comment: Be sure to hit up your social media, share this post or the video and don't forget the hashtag #MakeDonaldDrumpfAgain


Smiley

The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster allowed to perform marriage ceremonies in New Zealand

© Ross Giblin/Fairfax NZ
Karen Martyn has become the first ever legal marriage celebrant, or "Ministroni", for the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster in New Zealand.
Martyn reckons it is the fastest growing religion in the world, and her legal title now means she can marry people in a "pasta-ific" way.

The Wellington-based celebrant, whose official title is now "Ministeroni", will travel and perform ceremonies across New Zealand.

"It's great. It is really powerful for the church and the community. It gives us far more choices. Prior to that we only had a registrar or independent celebrants," she said.

Although she hasn't had the chance to wed a couple wanting to tie the noodley knot since the Department of Internal Affairs gave her the green light in December, she said there is a lot of interest from around the country.

She said she would not charge for her services, but will expect her travel to be paid for.

Arrow Up

Watch out NATO: Russia's developed a batmobile

© Youtube
Russian President Vladimir Putin has personally inspected an array of new armored vehicles designed for the country's special forces.

Kremlin spokesman Dmitry Peskov said that the president was presented with the hardware after it was inspected by a Federal Security Service panel.

Comment: NATO's got nothing on this!


Smiley

No kidding: Oregon relieves goats of their duties, costs city $20,000

© Steve Dipaola / Reuters
A herd of goats have been relieved of their duties in Oregon for failing to live up to the city's grazing expectations.

Seventy-five goats were hired from a goat rental company by the city of Salem as a greener and more cost effective way to maintain nine acre Minto-Brown Island Park, which had become overgrown with invasive plants, the Statesman Journal reports.

However the goats didn't deliver the expected results: a public works report recently presented to Salem City Council said that the animals ate the offending leaves, but left the brambles which had to be cleared away by a hired, human crew.

TV

Uneducated Americans declare support for the Trump on Jimmy Kimmel

After winning the Nevada Republican caucuses, Donald Trump used his victory speech to show his affection for the poorly educated among his fan base.

"We won the evangelicals," Trump said. "We won with young. We won with old. We won with highly educated. We won with poorly educated; I love the poorly educated."

In response, late-night host Jimmy Kimmel unveiled a totally fake, but pretty spot-on campaign ad created by Trump's uneducated—and proud of it!—supporters.

These champions of Trump believe the U.S. needs a "leeder," a president who will take on the "terists," and lock down the "Mexico/Merica" border.

Sure, it's a gag, but with 20 percent of Trump backers going on record with their belief that slavery was a good thing this country gave up on way too soon, it's probably not so far off the mark.


Road Cone

Taxonomy of less than ideal male friends

We all know "That Guy," and we all have at least one in our group of friends.

He's the one scalawag who is generally pleasant to hang out with except for one glaringly painful characteristic. Although there are different species of That Guy, some far more deplorable than others, they all have one thing in common: they often piss their friends off without knowing it.

Today, you'll learn about the various forms of That Guy, how to react should you find one in your midst, and how to evolve in case you are That Guy.