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Tue, 27 Sep 2016
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Don't Panic! Lighten Up!


John Oliver on credit report mistakes

Credit reports play a surprisingly large role in our lives, but even more surprising is how often they contain critical mistakes. John Oliver helps credit agencies see why this is a problem.


New generation of roller coasters take thrills to new heights

© Busch Gardens
Tempesto at Virginia’s Busch Gardens Williamsburg sits on a compact footprint.
A new class of extremely compact and vertically oriented roller coasters popping up at theme parks around the world are packing lots of thrills into tight spaces.

The vertical rides do away with the traditional lift hill and stack the track perpendicularly rather than letting the course meander horizontally as roller coasters have done for more than a century.

The compact footprints allow amusement parks to squeeze a thrilling coaster into a space usually occupied by a smaller ride like a sedate carousel or leisurely Ferris Wheel.


Newly opened anti-western President's Cafe in Eastern Siberia

© Reuters
Step inside the Vladimir Putin cafe (as long as you're not Barack Obama).
Vladimir Putin fans now have the perfect place to toast to the Russian leader thanks to a newly opened cafe dedicated solely to the action man president.

Welcome to the incredibly patriotic President Cafe in eastern Siberia, located around 4,000 km (2,500 miles) from Moscow, where Putin's face covers the walls and Barack Obama's smiling face is on the toilet paper.
© Reuters
David Cameron and Barack Obama on the walls.
Graffiti-daubed pictures of Obama, as well as David Cameron and his German counterpart Angela Merkel, also greet visitors to the toilet - with floor mats featuring US flag adding to the anti-Western vibe.

Visitors can also pose for photos with a life-size picture of the Russian leader at the bar which opened last month in the working-class city of Krasnoyarsk, Reuters reports.
© Reuters
A woman poses with life-size picture of Putin.
Dozens of Putin photos hang proudly from the walls of the eatery, documenting his journey from childhood to the Kremlin.
© Reuters
Love for Putin.
Dmitry Zhdanov, a 26-year-old entrepreneur and co-owner of the business, insists he does not hate the West, explaining: "I am neutral towards Western politicians. This is just business, nothing personal."


Clinton campaign accuses Sanders of trying to win nomination instead of just being a symbolic candidate

© Jabin Botsford/The Washington Post via Getty
New York—The war of words between the two Democratic camps heated up over the weekend, as the Clinton campaign accused Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders of "blatantly attempting to win the Democratic nomination for President."

Appearing on NBC's "Meet the Press," the Clinton campaign spokesman Harland Dorrinson said that Sanders's actions in the past few weeks "left little doubt as to what his true intentions are—namely, to be the Party's nominee."

"He's been raising money, he's been running in primaries, and, yes, he's been winning caucuses," the Clinton aide said. "It's time for Bernie Sanders to come clean with the American people and admit what he's really up to."

"It's deeply troubling that what appeared at first to be a purely symbolic candidacy has turned into something else entirely," he said.

In an interview on CNN, Secretary Clinton said that she would not "take the bait" when she was asked whether she thought Sanders was trying to win the nomination, but she stopped short of disavowing the accusation.

"I think that's a question that only Senator Sanders can answer," she said. "But I think I speak for a lot of people when I say that if, at the end of the day, it turns out that Bernie Sanders has been doing everything he's been doing because he wants to be President, that would be very disappointing."


Rage Yoga: Specially designed for people who need to swear and drink while posing

There's a common saying cited by non-yogis as a reason not to practice and pose: "It's boring."

That's an understandable sentiment — some people just don't find the same kind of stress release in yoga as they do in, say, kickboxing — but with a new take on the practice, called "Rage Yoga," there may be more folks flocking to the fitness activity than ever before.

Created by a Calgary, Canada resident named Lindsay-Marie Istace after "the really painful breakup of a long term relationship," Rage Yoga is meant for those who are hoping to improve their posture and flexibility, but have never felt at ease in a modern yoga studio.


Flying the friendly skies: Rescue dogs earn their wings

Nothing to see here, folks, just a dog. Flying a PLANE!
IT MIGHT sound barking mad, but it turns out dogs can fly.

A New Zealand dog trainer who taught RSPCA dogs to drive has done the unthinkable and managed to train dogs how to pilot a plane in a bid to prove just how capable rescue dogs can be.

Last year, animal trainer and zoologist Mark Vette spent four months in the United Kingdom working with rescue dogs for the series, Dogs Might Fly, which is only just airing in Britain.

In a world first, Mr Vette was able to successfully train three rescue dogs, Reggie, Shadow and Alfie, to fly a plane, and even perform tricks, including a figure of eight manoeuvre.


British PM David Cameron hasn't benefited from his father's offshore trust? Perhaps he got through Eton on a really big paper round

© Steve Bell

In the modern world, wealthy people can decide how much their tax bill comes to. Maybe we can extend this rule to other items, such as cheese

Anyone with compassion reading this week's tax avoidance story must feel immensely sorry for David Cameron.

The Prime Minister claimed yesterday morning that he had not benefited from any money that his father may have saved through offshore tax accounts. No inheritance for the young David? His dad must have been a right bastard. Perhaps Ian Cameron - who amassed his fortune of £10m, some of it through placing his money in the Bahamas to reduce his tax bill - didn't spend a penny on his son. The Prime Minister must have put himself through Eton on a really big paper round.

It's no wonder that he insists the country must be careful with money, after he spent his youth pleading, "Dad, can I have 80 pence for my bus fare to the Bullingdon Club ball where we squirt cat sick at midgets?" and was told "No you bloody well can't. If you want your own money, set up a trust in the Virgin Isles."

You can tell how embarrassed the Prime Minister is about his dad's behaviour, because he said his dad's finances were a "private matter". After all, his dad was a private man; so private, that is, he even kept his finances private from the British tax office.


Leaked Panama Papers reveal that bears sh!t in the woods

© NewsThump
Journalists have today published more startling and completely unexpected revelations leaked from Panama Law firm Mossack Fonseca, this time revealing that bears shit in the woods.

The papers, which have previously revealed startling and completely unexpected allegations of money laundering and tax avoidance against public figures such as Vladimir Putin, President al-Assad of Syria, Fifa officials and Conservative party fundraisers, were shown to a visibly stunned audience at a press conference earlier today.

Professor Ursula Majors from the National Institute of Bear Behaviour stammered, "I had absolutely no suspicion about this.

"We knew that bears lived in the woods, slept in the woods, ate in the woods, and urinated in the woods.

"We knew that they gave birth in the woods and died in the woods.

"But we had no idea whatsoever that bears shit in the woods."

Professor Majors continued: "Even once when I was on a six month field trip in the woods, and found that I had trodden in bear excrement whilst nearby a male grizzly wiped his posterior with a roll of Andrex, complaining about a curry he'd had the night before - even then I had no idea that it would one day be revealed that bears shit in the woods.

"This changes everything."

Journalists have warned people to be ready for more startling and completely unexpected revelations from the Panama Papers later today, this time concerning the Pope's religious beliefs.

Comment: For obvious reasons, it's too much to expect most Westerners to realize that Putin and al-Assad are actually decent leaders.

As we can see though, they are not at all surprised to hear confirmation that Western leaders are utterly corrupt.


Public reckons that the rich, white tax evaders will go to prison

© NewsThump
Incredibly rich and powerful tax evaders are definitely off to the clink, reckons the public.

Following an enormous leak regarding the shady tax arrangements of hundreds of rich people, Her Majesty's prisons are doubtless bracing themselves for the new intake.

"Of course they will go to prison. They've broken the law on a massive scale. That's what happens," said Elizabeth King, a heartbreakingly naïve woman from Bolton.

"I mean, I decided not to pay for some petrol once and I got chased down by two police cars, roughed up and thrown in jail for a night. So God knows what they'll be doing to these bastards.

"I don't want to be rude but they'll probably want to use their last days of freedom to stock up on some quality lubricants. Effectively stealing millions of pounds lands you in one of the rougher prisons, I should imagine?"

Lawyer to the rich and famous, Simon Williams, said, "Hahahaha, no."

"Which part of rich, white and powerful isn't clear to you people?

"They'll have half a day in court, be fined an amount that will barely make them blink, then do it all again only better, but not before paying me.

"The system really does give me a boner sometimes."


What happens when #TheInternetNamesAnimals

© Martin P, comp by d'Estries/Shutterstock
The Internet has decided to rename animals in the spirit of Boaty McBoatface.
From 'Stab Rabbit' (porcupine) to 'Huggles Von Deathcuddle' (grizzly bear), here are some of the hilarious new monikers.

The Internet has decided to rename animals in the spirit of Boaty McBoatface.

We can't stop laughing — and it's all Boaty McBoatface's fault.

That ridiculous moniker has been making headlines thanks to a public plea from Britain's Natural Environment Research Council to come up with a name for its new $288 million polar research vessel. The Internet suggested such fine candidates the RRS Henry Worsley, after the British explorer who passed away earlier this year, as well as the RRS David Attenborough, after the famed naturalist. And then came the entry of the RRS Boaty McBoatface which, as of this morning, has amassed an Internet-approved 77,936 votes, 10 times more than its closest competition.