Don't Panic! Lighten Up!S

Smiley

Gas mask bra traps Ig Nobel prize

gas mask bra
© UnknownSketch of gas mask bra
The bra can be converted into one mask for the wearer and one for a needy bystander
Designers of a bra that turns into gas masks and a team who found that named cows produce more milk were among the winners of the 2009 Ig Nobel prizes.

The aim of the awards is to honour achievements that "first make people laugh and then make them think".

The peace prize went to a Swiss research team who determined whether it is better to be hit over the head with a full or empty bottle of beer.

The ceremony was organised by the magazine Annals of Improbable Research.

Yoda

Best of the Web: Everything is OK, Your Government is in Control


Binoculars

Tiny Bird's Incredible Piggyback Ride on Hawk

Bird
© Pat GainesLook out, it's the hitchhawker
This is the moment a tiny but very angry kingbird hitched a piggyback ride on a red tail hawk.

The feisty little flyer began attacking the bird of prey after it ventured too near its nest.

Pat Gaines, 41, captured the moment at Bonny Lake park in Colorado.

'I've never seen a hawk harassed so much. The kingbird pecked at its head as the hawk flew away screaming,' she said.

Smiley

Satire: It's Still Not Too Late To Greet Us As Liberators

Odierno
© The OnionGen. Ray Odierno
Boy, how these last six years have flown by. Back in 2003, when we first arrived here in your country, we certainly didn't expect things to turn out the way they did. It seems like only yesterday we were marching into Baghdad, waiting to be greeted with shouts of gratitude and appreciation for saving you from the evil dictator who ruled your totalitarian state with an iron fist. Well, the surge is over and we're gonna roll pretty soon, so I just wanted to mention that it's not too late to greet us as liberators if you get the chance.

Honestly, there's still time. In fact, a spontaneous belated welcoming party right about now would feel pretty great.

Now, I know what you're thinking: "What about all those roadside bombs and beheading videos and what have you? Wouldn't it be a little awkward for us to shower you with kisses and chants of 'U.S.A.!' now, after all the blood and gore and amputations?" Not at all. Hey, that's all water under the bridge, as far as I'm concerned. I can see how you might feel a little bit nervous or shy about embracing us as beacons of liberty six years into our occupation of your country, especially after all those civilians we accidentally killed, but it's never too late to show a little gratitude.

Mr. Potato

New Hampshire: Woman Celebrates 92nd Birthday by Skydiving

Skydiving
© The Keene SentinelJane Bockstruck and instructor Paul E. Peckham Jr. soar through the sky above Jumptown in Orange, Mass., last weekend.
Grandma Trumps Last Oldest By 14 Years

A 92-year-old New Hampshire woman has celebrated her birthday by skydiving from a plane at 13,000 feet.

Swanzey resident Jane Bockstruck tells The Keene Sentinel newspaper she doesn't know what overcame her when she decided to take the parachute jump.

With a group of friends and relatives watching, Bockstruck leaped Sept. 19 at the Jumptown skydiving club in Orange, Mass., west of Boston. She says she doesn't remember jumping from the plane.

But tandem partner and jump instructor Paul Peckham Jr. says she had perfect form and landed without a hitch.

He says she's the oldest person he's taken on a jump. The second-oldest was 78.

Frog

The Glowing Frog Who Wanted a Light Snack and Swallowed a Christmas Bulb

Frog
© Caters News Agency LTDColourful calories: The Cuban tree frog took a gulp of the bulb and wouldn't let go.
In an ultimate case of crossed wires, a tiny tree frog's bug-catching antics left it with a bellyful of bulb.

The Cuban tree frog took on an unnatural glow when it swallowed an entire fairy light in a botched bid to catch an insect.

The unlucky amphibian had been hunting in the back garden of wildlife photographer James Snyder when it made a bid for the snack.

James, who lives in Palm Beach, Florida, had decorated his back yard with colourful lights after noticing that frogs had worked out lights attracted bugs.

But one night he discovered that one of the little beasts had bitten off far more than it could chew.

Camera

Is President Obama really a robot?

Think back to how you felt during the last family photo. Then imagine holding that smile through 130 snaps with foreign dignitaries. Would it waver? Crumble? Disappear altogether?

Not if you're Barack Obama. Our thanks go to Eric Spiegelman who invested what must have been a significant amount of effort in proving that the US President really is an automaton.

Watch this.


Roses

US: New Jersey woman celebrates 100th birthday - at work

Astrid Thoening celebrates her 100th birthday
© AP Photo/Rich SchultzAstrid Thoening celebrates her 100th birthday while working as the receptionist for the Thornton Agency in Parsippany, N.J., Thursday, Sept. 24, 2009. Thoening has worked for the same company for the last 32 years.
Astrid Thoenig got dressed, went to work and sat at her desk smiling Thursday as she slid her finger gently under the envelope flap of yet another identical birthday card. They don't make that many that say "Happy 100th."

Thoenig was interrupted by a steady stream of deliverymen bringing bouquets, chocolate-dipped strawberries and stacks of cards to the Thornton Insurance Co. in Parsippany where she's been answering phones, keeping financial records, handling payroll and typing up documents for more than 30 years.

"It's another day - it's hard to explain," Thoenig said of turning 100. "I don't feel old, and I don't think old."

Born Sept. 24, 1909, in Bloomfield, N.J., Thoenig's earliest memories start in 1918, when she witnessed something so traumatic, "it erased all memories of my childhood before that."

"I remember coming down the stairs from my bedroom and saw these two coffins in the living room: one white, for my sister, and the other for the grown person," she said, recalling how the flu pandemic of 1918 killed her father and her 10-year-old sister within hours of one another. "To see my father and sister - of all the things I can't remember - that's very vivid in my mind."

Beer

Guinness beer celebrates 250th anniversary

guiness
© RIA Novosti/Vladimir Fedorenko
Ireland on Thursday will celebrate the 250th anniversary of the country's most famous export beer, Guinness, the Irish Times has reported.

Arthur Guinness, the founder of the brewery, signed a 9,000-year lease on the brewery at St. James's Gate in Dublin on September 24, 1759. The company has called the day Arthur's Day and has asked everyone to lift a pint of brew at exactly 5:59 p.m. (or 17:59) to celebrate the signing of the lease.

At the main brewery in Dublin, artists like Tom Jones and Boyzone frontman Ronan Keating will be performing. In honor of the occasion, artists such as reggae star Sean Paul will play in Lagos, Nigeria, and the Black Eyed Peas will perform in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, the Irish Times reported.

Smiley

Satire: Nadir Of Western Civilization To Be Reached This Friday At 3:32 P.M.

nadir
© The OnionSome of the factors contributing to culture's dizzying collapse.
Washington - An international panel of leading anthropologists, cultural critics, biologists, and social theorists announced this week that Western civilization will reach its lowest conceivable point at 3:32 p.m. Friday.

"From the prehistoric Lascaux cave paintings to the stirring symphonies of Mozart to today's hot-dog eating competitions and action films with comical gerbils, culture has descended into a festering pool of mass ignorance," said Yale sociologist Paul Riordan, who has spent his career analyzing western civilization's fall into the depths of depravity. "If our calculations are correct, this complete erosion of all that is enlightened and unique will reach absolute rock bottom on the afternoon of Sept. 25, 2009."

Added Riordan, "It is scientifically impossible for civilization to sink any lower than it will this Friday."