© Babylon Bee
"This is very important for the salvation of all people on Earth," Pope Francis explained. "We know that God lets everybody into Heaven because He loves us all and He doesn't really care what kind of mischief we get ourselves into in this life, but we must be wary of the greatest earthly sin of all: not getting the COVID-19 vaccine. God has informed me that He will not let you into Heaven unless you have received BOTH DOSES of this very safe vaccine."
The Pope's announcement comes as leaders worldwide push for citizens to receive the vaccine. Scientists have claimed the vaccine is in no way harmful to anyone, and it cannot possibly turn you into a zombie or anything weird like that.
Pope Francis also stated that receiving both doses of the trustworthy vaccine will "immediately release your deceased relatives from purgatory" and "could even cut your time there in half." To drive his point home, he has commanded the Catholic church to deny communion to any unvaccinated members.
At publishing time Pope Francis had received an initial dose of the vaccine and had to be strapped down in a bed for an exorcism before the second dose.
Reader Comments
Does a post mortem injection count, too ?
R C
Maybe and knowing the Catholic church, he gets a kickback. Lots of those going around
To get into his version of heaven
Pedo heaven
RC
which means we go to the other side of the coin.
because we dare to think for ourselves, we go to the real heaven,
where a working brain function is been welcomed.
*
((My comment as KashNCarry))
RC
R.C.
(*: I am using newspeak here...)
P.I.N.O
"IT IS EASIER FOR A CAMEL TO PASS THROUGH THE EYE OF A NEEDLE, THAN AN UNVACCINATED GOOD PERSON TO GET INTO HEAVEN !!!
Shame on the Pope.
RC
attempted this path.
[Link]
You having any luck up there?
RC
Now, they’ve started to target the kids. Many are growing tired of the bullshit.
I worked at a fancy restaurant as a busboy after undergrad and a friend (he got me the job) was one of those smooth, eloquent and articulate waiters -actually a cut above that - who made a killing. I kind of picture you like him. Am I close?
RC
I work maintenance, so I can’t speak to a bus boys experience. I may be smooth, eloquent and articulate in my conversations with people but I’m also a little rough around the edges. I’m far from the “Kumbaya” type. I tend to be confrontational, up front and not afraid of debate.
I’m like a Thomas Sowell, Alan Moore and Malcom X with a sprinkle of Tupac Shakur.
Hang tough - I know you will.
RC
Was it in the form of divine revelation?
Up top of a mount?
Did it involve his first-born?
Hammered into a stone tablet?
If no to any of the above? Then it is, TOSH
My relationship with God tells me, to stay the hell away from untested, unregulated, secret vaccines.
My God tells me it is the Mark of the Beast
Whatever happened to, "Just say NO to drugs"?
Seems nowadays you can not be anyone of importance unless you wear your drug peddling credentials upon one's sleeve, how times have changed.
Has God been informed of these changes and changed entry requirements at the pearly gates and inviting only the unclean and vaxxed into his kingdom.
Next the Pope will be selling Lottery tickets, cigarettes and cheap booze.
jailpurgatory" cards. [Link]when you understand what calendar your country is in use of... and why.
is it the Julian calendar?
my bad.. is tomorrow Wednesday?
[Link]
Gregory was the Pope.
RC
"i'm worse at what I do best..and for this gift I feel blessed"
you are a lawyer and a badass. and want to play biblical with me. . I am good with that. are you 'Protestant' ? and if so.. just what are you " protesting ?"
in an effort to nail your slimy ass down... have you made the decision to be a ' Protestant '?
and if so, what are you 'Protesting'?
do you have a denial? [Link]
Was my guess on point?
RC
[Link]
RC
R.C.
your Dharma is seriously... out of calibration. with your chakra.
[Link]
*My first two serious girlfriends drove a VW bug and a KG, respectively.
RC
[Link]