"We noticed people were getting the vaccine and then just assuming because vaccines are designed to make people immune to viruses that they are immune to the virus. Then, they were doing crazy things like going outside, interacting with other people, and being happy," said a CDC spokesperson. "And all of this because doctors and scientists kept pushing the vaccine as though it were a cure-all solution that would make you immune to the virus. Well, that view is now considered anti-SCIENCE. And if you disagree with SCIENCE, you are literally murdering grandma. Literally. Like with a baseball bat."
The newly revised guidelines indicate that people who have not yet been vaccinated should stay home, masked, in a bubble, forever. Those who have been vaccinated should do the exact same thing, except they are allowed to have a smug look on their faces for being vaccinated. Except you can't see the smug look. Because of the mask.
What is the benefit of getting vaccinated, then? "Well, there are many benefits," the CDC spokesperson said. "But the best benefit of all, of course, is that you're on the right side of history. But still, stay in your home and be sad and depressed forever."
