© Urilux / Getty
Deanne Carson, who works with Body Safe Australia, made the comments on ABC News as part of a segment on establishing a "culture of consent" in the home. She explained that she works with children from birth and, when asked to give examples of how children can learn about consent at such an early age, she said parents should ask questions such as "I'm going to change your nappy now, is that okay?"
"Of course the baby is not going to respond 'yes mum, that's awesome. I'd love to have my nappy changed.' But if you leave a space, and wait for body language and wait to make eye contact, then you're letting that child know that their response matters," she continued.
The news segment sparked a deluge of reaction on social media, with parents seemingly baffled by the advice.
Sky News commentator Rowan Dean slammed Carson's appearance on the program, describing it as "lefty lunacy". He also criticized the publicly-funded Australian Broadcasting Corporation for airing the woman's views.
Footage of Carson's interview and Dean's response was posted on YouTube by the Australian Conservatives political party with the title "Lefty Lunacy Australians are paying for on ABC - Consent to change nappies."
However, some agreed with Carson, Twitter user Marisol Pedeboy wrote: "It might sound pointless, but any effort to teach kids about consent is important. Never thought about it but I will start doing it with my little one."
Carson responded to the backlash on Facebook. "I gave an interview the other day about teaching consent to young children," she said. "Sadly, some people have chosen to ridicule me (oh no! Pink hair! Must be a lesbian!) and the notion of giving infants bodily autonomy (poo in nappies har har amiright?!)
"Troll me all you want, add to your blog inches, but remember that when you do, you are negating the voices of these brave survivors of sexual abuse."
Reader Comments
So, if you're gonna ask your toddler for consent and they answer in the negative, you're going to change their diaper anyway, right? If you don't, that's child neglect. But, if you do, then you've taught your child that consent means nothing.
I worked in childcare for 2 years. I changed 10,000 diapers in that time. I couldn't have done my job if it required consent of a toddler, and I'd have been fired for negligence, or sued by parents for not changing their diapers. I literally could have been thrown in jail for not changing diapers since it is a legal requirement to check and/or change a toddler's diaper every 2 hours.
Additionally, when I later worked in a nursing home, one of the first things we were taught is that you "Explain what you're going to do. If the patient wants to object, that's their right. If you say 'I'm going to clean you up now, okay?', you invite objections."
So tell your kids what you're doing. You don't need consent to due your duty as a parent.
Also, insisting you can ask a child for consent is kind of contrary to every single statutory rape law. A child can't consent, so let's not pretend we need their consent for non-sexual activities, mmmkay? Raise your child so that they understand the concept. If you do it right, and teach them about personal agency, a conversation including "Hey little Johnny. Don't stick your penis in anyone who doesn't tell you it's okay," will never be a conversation you need to have.
Teach children from preschool age:
"If someone tries to make you do something, and they want to keep it a secret, it can make you feel afraid or worried. They might promise to give you something if you keep the secret, or say that something bad will happen if you tell. They just do that because they don't want to get in trouble. They know that what they are doing is wrong. So if someone tries to touch you in a way that makes you feel afraid or worried, or tries to get you to do anything that makes you feel afraid, and wants you to promise that you'll keep a secret about it, don't ever do it, no matter what they say. What you should do is say 'no!', then yell your loudest - make lots of noise, and run away. Run to an adult that you trust and tell them what happened."
Of course this dovetails with stranger-danger awareness, and never taking things from strangers or going places with anyone they don't know, even if the stranger says it's OK with their parents.