Sex Worker
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New analysis reveals that some men may be asking for more than their fair share when they visit their local lady of ill repute.

In addition to the usual quickie, these men are looking for love, and in all the wrong places. In fact, these men are so ready to find their soul mates that they're willing to put their money on the line, just so long as they get their "just desserts" first.

Going deep undercover and on assignment, Christine Milrod and Ronald Weitzer took to the virtual streets, analyzing the goings on in an online forum board where sex workers are rated for their abilities, an extra-adult hot-or-not if you will.

Using the aliases "Weinenrubber" and "Milrod," the two analyzed more than 2,400 postings on the adult forum board and found something rather interesting. Somewhere in between conversations about "Best Back Alleys for Two Backs," and "Is That Syrup?" an interesting trend began to emerge. According to their super-sexy findings, nearly one-third of these conversations included talk about actual, true emotional intimacy between a man and his "Hired Hand."

In fact, many of these men were so head over heels for their ladies-in-heat that they expressed a real desire to turn them into proper domestic house-kittens, sharing their innermost thoughts and a lovely serving of ice cream at the end of the day.

According to "Milrod," these studies only confirm what other "experts" have been noticing in recent years: Relationships between sex workers and their conglomerate of bosses have slowly morphed into a multi-headed beast, one which goes on dates and calls one another for rides to and from the airport.

If a man and his whore continue to engage in this sort of casual sex, the two may eventually form a very real love story, one which they will never share with their parents, resulting children and anyone over the age of 30.

Weinenrubber and "Milrod" felt they weren't getting the whole slice of the pie in this story, so they took a short cab ride to the local police station where they asked those who had been arrested for soliciting love why they had decided to make an investment in their immediate 5-minute futures. Not surprisingly, 32% of these men said they simply "didn't have the time" to care for and nurture a "traditional" relationship. 28% of these men said they would rather shy away from the "responsibilities" of a traditional relationship, with one man responding, "My hooker doesn't care if I leave the seat up. She really loves me for me...and for my prompt payment."

Another 18% of these imprisoned males said they would rather get what they pay for than overspend on things like dates, dinners out and trips to the local Ikea.

Elsewhere in the study, the two reporters discovered feelings ranging from counterfeit intimacy to genuine emotional bonds between a man and his laborious lay lady. Some of these men simply wanted to experience what it would be like to hire a hooker on a dirty street corner at 3 in the morning, others were simply too amped up after watching a certain movie with a certain lady actress and wondered if Hollywood dreams really do come true.

Weinenrubber and Milrod discovered it's not all torn stockings and carpet burns, however, as some of these ladies reported feeling more cared for and respected by the men who paid to do unspeakable acts to them than by the men who do unspeakable acts to them for free in their "real" personal lives.

These ladies of the lanes can be treated so well, in fact, that one-third of them hoped that their boss of the hour would ask them for coffee whenever he finished "punching her time card."

After all, it's a love story as old as the hills. Boy meets girl, boy checks pockets, boy approaches girl, boy and girl get a hotel room together, they live happily ever after.

Ah, love...