Don't Panic! Lighten Up!S


Question

Woman in Burning Truck Keeps Driving

PAW PAW TOWNSHIP, Mich. - Having live electrical wires fall on her truck and set it on fire wasn't enough to slow a motorist in southwest Michigan. State police say the unnamed woman ran a stop sign Monday night in Van Buren County's Paw Paw Township and hit a cable supporting a utility pole.

Magic Wand

Traveling without moving: Iron mask wager 'was a fib'

Even the great fictional traveller Phileas Fogg would have baulked at such a wager: walk around the world while pushing a pram and wearing an iron mask, and pick up a wife along the way without ever letting her see your face or know your name.

Beer

Men shoot themselves in tattoo attempt

Getting a tattoo can be a painful proposition, but usually it's just the needle you have to worry about. Two men trying to trace a loaded .357-caliber Magnum as a pattern for a tattoo accidentally shot themselves, the Otero County Sheriff's Department said Monday.

Robert Glasser and Joey Acosta, both 22, were treated at a hospital in El Paso, Texas, after the shooting Thursday evening in nearby Chaparral.

Document

'Surge' makes the banned-words list

Resist the urge to say you will "wordsmith" your list of New Year's resolutions rather than write one. And don't utter, "It is what it is" when you fail to meet your first goal.

Those are two of the 19 words or phrases that appear in Lake Superior State University's annual List of Words Banished from the Queen's English for Mis-Use, Over-Use and General Uselessness. The school in Michigan's Upper Peninsula released its 33rd list Monday, selecting from about 2,000 nominations.

Among this year's picks are "surge," the term for the troop buildup in Iraq. "Give me the old days, when it referenced storms and electrical power," Michael Raczko of Swanton, Ohio, said in nominating the word.

Magic Hat

Diners find rare pearl in plate of clams

LAKE WORTH, Fla. - A Florida man was about halfway through a plate of steamed clams when he chomped down on something hard - a rare, iridescent purple pearl. George Brock and his wife, Leslie, had been spending a day at the beach Friday in South Florida and stopped at Dave's Last Resort & Raw Bar for a bite. Their find could be worth thousands.

Phoenix

Driver blames crash on pterodactyl

A 29-year-old Wenatchee man told police a pterodactyl caused him to drive his car into a light pole about 11:30 p.m. Thursday.

Smiley

"Holy smoke" in nunnery tops 2007 weird news

From a Greek nunnery turned into a marijuana farm by two men posing as gardeners to a South African man with a gunshot wound told by a doctor to "walk the pain off," the world was full of weird news in 2007.

A Moscow woman set fire to her ex-husband's penis as he sat naked watching television and drinking vodka. The couple divorced three years ago but continued to share a small flat.

"I was burning like a torch," the wounded ex-husband told Tvoi Den newspaper. "I don't know what I did to deserve this."

Crusader

Pope's exorcist squads will wage war on Satan

The Pope has ordered his bishops to set up exorcism squads to tackle the rise of Satanism.

©Daily Mail
Satanism on the rise: Pope Benedict has unveiled plans to set up specialist exorcism squads

Bizarro Earth

India: Man 'marries' hill to end Maoist menace

A tribal man married a hill in a symbolic gesture to end Maoist insurgency in Jamshedpur district of Jharkhand. The man is already married with two children.

The 'marriage' was solemnised in Bomaru village of Ghatshila block in Jamshedpur on Thursday, 170 km from the state capital Ranchi. According to reports in the local media, Nandi Munda, 30, 'married' a hill named Lakhasaini to end the Maoist terror in the area.

Munda, dressed as a traditional bridegroom, went to marry the hill accompanied by hundreds of baratis (revellers). A tribal priest presided over the wedding rituals. The wedding was followed by a feast attended by hundreds of people. The menu included mutton and handia, a local rice brew that tribals love.

Smiley

Bush's days are numbered in 'Office' calendar

Polls may show George W. Bush as the most unpopular president in modern history, but a different kind of measurement shows he's the most popular president ever for selling calendars.

As the Bush presidency winds down, the Bush Out of Office Countdown 2008 desk calendar ($11.99) is winding up as the No. 2 humor calendar (behind The Far Side Scared Silly 2008 Wall Calendar) for the new year, according to Calendars.com, the largest purveyor of calendars online and at retail kiosks.

©Hillel Levin
As the Bush presidency winds down, the Bush Out of Office Countdown 2008 desk calendar is just winding up.