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Sat, 22 Jan 2022
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Cheese Wars: Swiss govt wants EU to register Gruyere as protected designation of origin

The Swiss Federal Office for Agriculture said it will apply to the EU to have Gruyere registered as a term of controlled provenance, after French attempts to have its own Gruyere-style cheese registered in the EU Protected Designation of Origin (PDO) register.

Dairy farmers in the French border region have been making similar cheese under the same name for some time and several agreements say Swiss and French producers may share the name.

Bulb

Satire: Black Holes Renamed 'Super High Gravity Locations'

The International Space Nomenclature Council today adopted the term 'emplacements de hauts gravité super' - or 'super high gravity locations' - as the official replacement name for black holes. Originally named in reference to the fact that light cannot escape their intense gravity, the term 'black hole' was increasingly criticized as being insensitive to African-Americans and African-Europeans.

"We're glad the council finally took action on this issue." said Isaiah Herman, Chairman of the National African-American Coalition of People. "The unimaginable destructive power of these super high gravity locations was giving the word 'black' a negative connotation throughout the universe."

Super high gravity locations are the remnants of giant stars that collapse into a substance so dense that it has a gravitational pull that consumes all matter that comes near it. "They're the bad boys of the cosmos." says Nokidi Imsure, Professor of Astronomic Anthropology at Howyflyl University. "You would definitely want to cross the street if you saw one coming."

Wolf

Tiny dog saves baby from rattlesnake

MASONVILLE, Colo. - Zoey is a Chihuahua, but when a rattlesnake lunged at her owners' 1-year-old grandson, she was a real bulldog.

Sheeple

Secret weapon exposed! Israel to export used up Uri Geller to US reality TV

NBC has announced that it has inked a deal for Phenomenon, the working title for a "live" reality competition series that will feature controversial alleged mentalist Uri Geller and Criss Angel Mindfreak illusionist Criss Angel conducting a search for "the next great mentalist."

"The match-up of two world-famous personalities, Uri Geller and Criss Angel -- who have demonstrated astounding skills -- makes for a riveting series format," said Ben Silverman, co-chairman of NBC Entertainment and Universal Media Studios. "Factor in the mystery of the genre, the live competitive angle as the contestants attempt to follow in Criss and Uri's footsteps, and incredible interactive applications, and we think viewers will have many compelling reasons to watch."

Phenomenon is based on a popular Israeli reality competition series called The Successor, which premiered earlier this year. Geller served as a judge and mentor for the Israeli show, and the NBC adaptation will follow a similar format, with 10 contestants having their "mystifying talents" tested through a series of weekly challenges in-front of a panel of celebrity guest judges and a studio audience.

Key

Uri Geller accused of TV trickery

A hit Israeli TV show starring celebrity spoon-bender Uri Geller has come under fire from magicians for being full of "tricks and stunts".

The self-proclaimed paranormalist is looking for others with his "powers" on Uri Geller Looks for a Successor.

But Israeli magician Eliron Toby said the show "damaged" those who wanted to believe in Geller and Dandi Asraf said there were "no supernatural powers".

Bizarro Earth

Zimbabwe hunts spirit medium over false fuel claim

Zimbabwe police are hunting a traditional spirit medium who led President Robert Mugabe's government on a fruitless search for much-needed fuel she said was mysteriously oozing out of a rock.

The southern African state is battling with acute fuel shortages amid an economic crisis many blame on Mugabe's policies.

On Sunday, a Zimbabwean government newspaper reported a 35-year-old traditional healer and spirit medium claimed to have discovered diesel streaming from a rock in the northwest around Chinhoyi Caves, protected by locals as a traditional shrine.

Rotina Mavhunga had said "the diesel was a gift from ancestral spirits who saw that their children were suffering because of the fuel shortage" and was pictured by a local newspaper holding a hosepipe stuck into a rock, "spewing the oil," the Sunday Mail said.

Bizarro Earth

Don't panic! Wikipedia gives its "highly educational" clarification on steam pipe menace

Wikipedia moved with its customary lightning speed this morning to bring netizens the very latest in-depth information on steam pipes, one of which yesterday gave New Yorkers a nasty fright:


Bulb

'Centre of the universe' near Kamloops BC -- really

Some hear choral singing while others claim it's the sound of pipe organs or the whistling of the wind. But to Tibetan monks, the sound streaming through the Deadman Valley near Kamloops is proof the area is the centre of the universe.

Calculator

Burglars steal $7m from rich and famous in Los Angeles

· Professional gang carries out 50 break-ins
· Criminals leave behind no DNA or fingerprints

The rich and famous of Los Angeles protect their mansions with high walls, security cameras and sophisticated alarms. But it has failed to stop a small team of burglars who have hit about 50 homes over the past year and got away with an estimated $7m (£3.4m) in cash, rare books and jewellery.

Bizarro Earth

UK: Baby born with teeth

Teething troubles started early for a Worthing mum when midwives made a dental discovery on her newborn baby.

Beautiful Megan Andrews was born at 7.23pm on June 29, a healthy baby girl.

But doctors soon discovered she came with extras - at least seven teeth.

Mum Claire Slimming, 20 - she was born with 12 teeth - said she was "a little bit shocked" by the news.

"I was pretty much out of it at first," said Claire.

"They told me a bit later on. It can't be helped.