And here at The Babylon Bee, we're legit journalists, so we've got the exclusive scoop. Here are some excerpts from the upcoming revision of The Art of War:
- "If you think you might attack an enemy, pick up the phone and give 'em a heads up. It's only fair."
- "You have to be careful not to surprise your enemy. They really don't like it."
- "Treason is not treason if it is the lesser of two treasons."
- "Know thy pronouns, and know thy enemy's pronouns."
- "The supreme art of war is to surrender to your enemy without fighting."
- "All war is white rage."
- "If you surrender, you can never lose."
- "If thy commanding officer sends mean tweets, thou need not follow orders or the chain of command."
- "The enemy of my friend is my friend."
- "Keep your friends close and your enemies on speed dial."
- "You can not betray the one to which you were never loyal."
- "Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for China."
- "When retreating, leave most of thy armaments behind so you know what you'll be up against next time."
- "Chinese bros before American hoes."
- "He who turns on bad orange man gets big book deal."
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