Don't Panic! Lighten Up!S

X

Exam student's reward for writing 'f*** off'

Write 'f*** off' on a GCSE paper and you'll get 7.5%. Add an exclamation mark and it'll go up to 11%

Pupils are being rewarded for writing obscenities in their GCSE English examinations even when it has nothing to do with the question.

One pupil who wrote "f*** off" was given marks for accurate spelling and conveying a meaning successfully.

His paper was marked by Peter Buckroyd, a chief examiner who has instructed fellow examiners to mark in the same way. He told trainee examiners recently to adhere strictly to the mark scheme, to the extent that pupils who wrote only expletives on their papers should be awarded points.

Mr Buckroyd, chief examiner of English for the Assessment and Qualifications Alliance (AQA), an examination board, said that he had given the pupil two marks, out of a possible 27, for the expletive.

To gain minimum marks in English, students must demonstrate "some simple sequencing of ideas" and "some words in appropriate order". The phrase had achieved this, according to Mr Buckroyd.

Magic Wand

Good news a must in Romania

Bucharest - Upbeat news would have to make up half of all newscasts on all of Romania's radio and television stations, under legislation adopted unanimously on Wednesday in the senate.

"News programmes on TV and radio shall contain, in the same proportion, news with positive and negative themes," states the legislation, which is going to President Traian Basescu for adoption.

Comment: "Events cannot be programmed, nor can minds."

Really???


Padlock

Driver arrested after speeding 22 times in 45 days

PHOENIX, Arizona - A Nevada woman has been arrested after photo enforcement cameras on a Phoenix freeway captured her behind the wheel of a car speeding 22 times in a 45-day span, authorities said.

Padlock

Sweden: Officials place chatty bird under house arrest

Politicians in Lerum in western Sweden have ruled that Girli the parrot may only spend two hours each weekday in its outdoor cage and must remain indoors for the entire weekend.

Girli's neighbour's think she talks too much and first reported the bright green Amazon parrot to the authorities in 2002.

The neighbours demanded that action be taken against Girli and forty other caged birds in the same garden.

Bizarro Earth

Sarkozy gets it in the neck for presidential gift

Conscious of the need to whip up some enthusiasm for France's imminent accession to the EU presidency, Nicolas Sarkozy has not neglected those closest to home.

All 577 MPs at the national assembly have received a gift from the Elysรฉe Palace to mark the occasion. But what should have been a harmless PR exercise has turned into a blunder, alienating the assembly's 107 women and mystifying many others. Inside the little black case left in each MP's letterbox was some very tasteful stationery - pencil and notepad - a towel rail, and ... a pale grey tie. "Yet more proof of the male chauvinism reigning among the political class!" said one young female Socialist in Le Parisien.

Cult

Vatican paper: Pope Benedict XVI doesn't wear Prada

The devil may wear Prada - but the pope does not.

According to the Vatican newspaper L'Osservatore Romano, the bright red loafers that Pope Benedict XVI wears are not designed by the Milanese fashion house, as has long been rumored.

"Obviously the attribution was false," the Vatican newspaper said in its Thursday's editions.

"Such rumors are inconsistent with the simple and somber man who, on the day of his election to the papacy, showed to the faithful gathered in St. Peter's Square and to the whole world the sleeves of a modest black sweater," it said.

Still, Benedict's fashion sense has often drawn media attention.

Image
©AP Photo/Alessandra Tarantino
In this Dec. 21, 2005 file photo Pope Benedict XVI sports a fur-trimmed hat, "camauro" as he arrives in St. Peter's Square at the Vatican for his weekly general audience. The devil may wear Prada _ but the pope does not. According to Vatican newspaper L'Osservatore Romano' Thursday, June 26, 2008 edition, the bright red loafers that Pope Benedict XVI wears are not designed by the Milanese fashion house, as has long been rumored.

Smiley

The Highest Popping Toaster in the World - The MOASTER

Fred Yauner has made it into the Guinness Book of Records for the highest popping toast in the world.

Yauner's current 'Because We Can' project aims to produce extreme or superlative products, 'the biggest, the best, the fastest', as a critique of the current state of design and consumerism. We want to associate ourselves with objects that pretend to make us better or fulfil our dreams, always offering us more. We are, consciously or unconsciously, allowing ourselves to be told what we need and what will complete our sense of self as we see it in image form, and are content in 'hyperreal' space. Self-deception is so easily accepted, that it is almost a necessity. -- Freddie Yauner's site

Pumpkin

Satire: Britain unveils plan to criticise Mugabe out of office

Britain is to lead international efforts to drive Zimbabwe's president Robert Mugabe from office with wave after wave of devastating criticism.

Rejecting claims that military action to remove Mugabe would take less than 20 minutes, foreign secretary David Milliband said democracy could only be restored with a series of sharply-worded press releases.

Mr Milliband is expected to issue an ultimatum to Mugabe, giving him one week to stop killing his opponents or face being compared to Dr Octopus from Spiderman 2.

droct
©Unknown
Is Mugabe now worse than Dr Octopus?

Recycle

San Francisco, US: Satire at the ballot box to 'honor' Bush

If you've attended an event or festival in San Francisco lately - or even just hung out at a city park - you've probably seen them.

Admittedly, they're hard to miss. Someone in the group is usually toting a large American flag, and another is often carrying a boom box blaring patriotic music. Sometimes one of them dresses up as Uncle Sam.

They're the Presidential Memorial Commission of San Francisco, but don't let the serious name fool you. The group's intentions are in the gutter: They want to rename the Oceanside Water Pollution Control Plant the George W. Bush Sewage Plant come January, when the next president is sworn in.

Bizarro Earth

UK: Person's ashes found in theatre

A pale blue box containing what are thought to be a dead person's ashes has been found at the Empire Theatre in Liverpool.

The box was left in the auditorium after a performance by Scouse medium Derek Acorah and former star of TV's Most Haunted programme.

A member of the theatre's front of house staff found the box which has yet to be claimed.