Don't Panic! Lighten Up!S


Buffet worker stomps garlic with boots

NANUET, N.Y. - Stomping on garlic with your shoes on is apparently not the correct way to prepare food. The Rockland County health department hit the Great China Buffet restaurant with two violations after someone took pictures of an employee stomping on a bowl of garlic with his boots in an alley. The man alerted health inspectors.

"I go back there, and the guy's stepping on garlic," said Dan Barreto, who used to eat at the restaurant. "There he was just jumping up and down on it, smashing it up, having a good time."


SOTT Focus: World Trade Center Collapse: Spoofing the DailyKos

Readers of DailyDros have seen more than one outrageous 9/11 conspiracy theory surface on these pages. And there have been a few diaries questioning why conspiracy theory diaries are not allowed. Would it have to do with something about lack of evidence? As we've been told by our fearless leaders repeatedly, there is a TON of evidence linking Bin Laden to the attacks. Sure, they haven't shown it to us, but they said they've got it. That's good enough for us here at DailyDros!

What do the Conspiracy Theorists have, anyway? Physical anomalies, inconsistent eyewitness testimony, physical traces of thermate at the WTC, WTC7. In other words, not much! They call this evidence?! On the other hand, we've got scores of scientists willing to support the idea that because the towers were not demolished, that they could not have been demolished. That's logic. Because the towers were not demolished, that means that there must be a plausible explanation for every aspect of the towers' destruction that SEEMED to be analogous to controlled demolition.

I mean, we have Bin Laden ON TAPE, admitting that he was responsible. In fact, whenever there is a terrorist attack, we have numerous different groups claiming responsibility. Luckily for our safety, this absolutely proves that all the groups claiming responsibility were in fact responsible. That's the way it works, folks. Plain and simple. If you admit it, you did it. To think otherwise would be to believe in Conspiracy Theories, and you'll find none of those here! In the REAL world, criminals don't conspire! And when they do, they get caught. It's that simple! (I mean, why would a good American fake a Bin Laden tape? What is this, a Robert Ludlum novel??)

Magic Wand

Flashback SOTT Focus: Top Secret! Clear Evidence that Flight 77 Hit The Pentagon on 9-11 - a Parody

With so much debate going on over what really happened at the Pentagon on 9/11, and the obvious dire lack of coherent commentators to put an end to it once and for all, I decided that it was high time that I added my own reality-based voice to the debate and, in doing so, allow common sense to finally prevail over the ranting of wild-eyed, hairy-knuckled, missing link type conspiracy theorists and liberals alike.

Regardless then of the reams and reams of electronic paper that have been wasted on the inane back and forward over what did or did not happen, the task of showing just what hit the Pentagon could not be easier, which makes it difficult to understand why the debate has lasted so long. If I didn't know better, I might almost think that there was some kind of conspiracy going on. Of course, I DO know better. Conspiracies simply do not exist - except for the small ones, they exist, but the big, scary ones do not, and never have. Everyone knows that.

Anyway, to get to the point. I will present conclusive evidence that Flight 77 hit the Pentagon by way of 10 carefully selected photos that, while they speak for themselves, will be accompanied by some incisive commentary by yours truly.

Let's get started:


Idiotic and Ridiculous! Bin Laden's black beard baffles U.S. intelligence

U.S. intelligence officials studying Osama bin Laden's videotape released last week said on Monday they were baffled by his new black beard.

"We don't know if it's dyed and trimmed, or real, but that's one of the things we are looking at," Director of National Intelligence Michael McConnell told a Senate committee hearing. "The last time he appeared it was very different."

Comment: No kidding! So maybe it is not a duck if it doesn't talk and walk like a duck? Rather makes a mockery of 'Director of National Intelligence' don't you think?

Bizarro Earth

London's Harrods hires cobra to guard 62,000 pound shoes

To their high society owners, a pair of haute couture shoes can be a precious thing.

But to guard a 62,000 pound (120,000 dollar) pair of ruby- sapphire- and diamond-encrusted Rene Caovilla sandals at their London launch, retailer Harrods went to extreme lengths: bringing in a live Egyptian cobra to patrol the shoe counter.

A cobra guards a pair of Rene Caovilla shoes at Harrods department store.

Whether hiring a poisonous snake is, strictly speaking, the most effective means of guarding precious footwear might be a moot point with security experts.


Teen's Yearbook Photo Banned for Flower

MERRIMACK, N.H. - A New Hampshire teenager's yearbook photo has been rejected, because she's holding a flower. Merrimack High School student Melissa Morin's senior photograph featured her and a small red flower. School officials, however, said the picture is not going to make it in the yearbook because props aren't allowed.


Ukrainian zoo names skunks Clinton and Bush

A zoo in Kharkov, Ukraine's second-largest city, has named the country's only pair of skunks after two U.S. presidents, Bush and Clinton, a spokesman for the zoo said Friday.

The skunks, known for their ability to excrete a foul-smelling odor when alarmed, are the last captive pair remaining in a Ukrainian zoo, the spokesman explained, adding that their names were chosen to reflect the species' geographic origin - North America.


Woman has yard full of snapping turtles

Earlier this summer, Betty Kratzke noticed that something was disturbing the ground near the flowers that line her driveway. Solving the mystery this week proved to be a snap - when baby snapping turtles started crawling around her yard.

"They just keep popping up out of the hole," said Cliff Hanson, Kratzke's brother-in-law.


US: No ID, so no booze for 65-year-old

A 65-year-old US woman was not allowed to buy wine in a Maine supermarket as she had no identification to prove her age.

Barbara Skapa said she normally carries her driver's licence, but with her leg in a cast, a friend drove her to the Hannaford Bros market in Farmington last week to buy goods, including bottles of wine.

The cashier told her it was policy to check for identification, said Skapa, who believes "no one would mistake me for 30 or even 40".

Bizarro Earth

Romania: Burglars stole candy from baby

A sweet-toothed gang of Romanian burglars was caught after stealing candy from a baby.

They grabbed a handful of lollipops during a house raid in Italy and dumped them half-eaten nearby.

But police found and tested the lollipops and managed to match up vital DNA evidence contained in saliva.