© The Good Citizen
To: Alphabet News Networks & National Affiliates
From: Mockingbird, HQ
Dept: Political Communications
Division: Perception Management
Desk: Kink
Revision: Right-Wing Political Violence
Status: Ultra MAGA
Activate: Hammer Time
Level: Deep
Producer: Start teleprompter...commercial ending...we're back in 3, 2, 1...
Tonight at eleven, a spooky story of political rage and right-wing violence has shattered the moral fabric of our completely healthy and stable country.
Husband of the Speaker of the House and third in line to the throne of Oligarch servantry, undefeated stock market picker, part-time drunk driver with unlisted male companions, and lover of Do-It-Yourself home improvement work was assaulted at Speaker's Manor in the early hours Friday morning.
Run footage of crime tape with FBI agents on the scene.
Paul Pelosi was doing urgent home improvement work at 2 am in his underwear at Speaker's Manor when an Ultra MAGA intruder smashed through the back patio window of the Speaker's Manor with a hammer.
The intruder was apparently yelling, "Where's Nancy?" in reference to Paul's wife Nancy Pelosi who was out of town.
Paul Pelosi was able to distance himself from the intruder by saying he needed to use the bathroom. The intruder was attempting to tie him up with leather and chains Paul had purchased as part of his home improvement project, but let Mr. Pelosi leave anyway to relieve himself.
From the bathroom, Paul found his phone, where he, like all people living in mega-mansions keeps his main phone charger. From there he was able to phone the police. During the call with the 9-1-1 dispatcher, Mr. Pelosi spoke in codes.
When police arrived they found both men in their underwear holding hammers. At that moment the Ultra MAGA intruder grabbed Mr. Pelosi's hammer and hit him over the head, cracking his skull. Police quickly subdued the assailant and took him into custody where he definitely won't be committing suicide at any moment.
The Ultra MAGA assailant has been identified as a professional nudist, drug addict, homeless psychotic, and blogger who lives across the bay in Ultra MAGA country, Berkeley.
We're looking at a live shot of the intruder's home now, as you can see the Ultra MAGA paraphernalia with the standard rainbow flag with marijuana leaf in the yard and a Black Lives Matter sign in the house window. The suspect lives in that broken down white school bus in the driveway that says You are beautiful, a common living arrangement for Ultra MAGA violent far-right extremists.
We will have more facts about this story as they become available.
For now, let's turn to our far-right Ultra MAGA political violence specialist Ashwika Chandra, a Professor of Sociology from the University of San Francisco.
Ashwika, this was clearly a targeted political attack against Speaker Pelosi. What does this attack say about the Republican Party and Donald Trump in particular and their constant incitement of violence against Democrats, especially as it relates to the upcoming midterm elections, and do you think we should expect more violent attacks from the far-right on political figures in the coming days particularly with Halloween just around the corner?
© The Good Citizen
© The Good Citizen
© The Good Citizen
© The Good Citizen
Reader Comments
I doubt they'll ever release the body cam footage to see if Pelosi was in his underwear, AND WHO THE HELL was the person that let the cops in the door, the twinkie they were gonna take turns filling with cream?
Absolutely hilarious! 😺
Like on those shows, especially on the "History Channel"....when they say " could it be..... ?"
I'd always look over to my wife and say simply " Yes ".
But she and I both knew, the chances were slim....mightly slim, but if it can be thought, then it could be I reckon even if the chances are mighty slim often.
Lately, I think I'm just gonna ignore the bat-shit craziness all about and mind my own business basically not offending anybody or doing anything to cause anyone any consternation whatsoever. What do you think my chances are Reventlov - I mean it could be, correct? It is a possibility being it has been thought and even a higher possibility after it gets shared.....
But really, on the History Channel, so much of what they say...."could it be...." is just baseless suggestion and mostly annoying.
Regardless - lessons can be gleamed if one can read between the lines...
I reckon your chances will be greatly improved by avoiding both... 😺
So, no red wave happened, or did it....I mean that Senator from Wisconsin got re-elected and have you listened to any of the hearings he hosted? They were prescient.
The Senator of KY is suspect, the Senator from SC is a criminal, and other senators fixing to be exposed you want my opinion....I mean it could be...
Moreover, bats don't bother me....in fact, a bat under the bed is a fine tool of defense. If I ever have to swing the one I got there, I'll do it with conviction.
I've had hammers in both my hands swinging away and I did it with conviction and I will again!
Who else? (except possibly Burt Ward).
As for Burt Ward, you mean Theadore's poppa on leave it to beaver?
Ha, ha.
Ken
I never liked the Bee Gees, they sucked ass.
I quite enjoyed the original Batman as a kid though, especially Cesar Romero as the joker.
I grew up on US tv culture in the UK, although I could never relate to the A-Team for some reason...
Now you can't deny the most beautiful women in the world, the sweetest most wonderful, lovely, kind, compassionate, and much more was the young lady on the Partridge Family, and she was a women indeed. You remember - don't you?
Thing is, beauty is skin deep indeed, but not entirely and there are so many good women out there still....just got to find you one is my advice to any young man looking for a mate for life.
(I guess we might be slightly veering away from the highly serious subject of carpentry tools here).
You just can't touch it ok?
You got that - you
can't touch it...
or can u?
~
BK
What do you think when you see my moniker image if you don't mind me asking mickey mouse looking one to me?
By the way, I've mentioned before mine has nothing to do with Michael the Musculus or Walter the Disney.
Mine is from a picture I took of a coin held in place by tacks on a background of some art project of mine..
So, where does your moniker image come from?
Just had some shitty news, can't talk any more...
Am off.