Don't Panic! Lighten Up!
"Listen, folks, It's too late to lower gas prices. No one knows how to do that," said the President. "So we're just gonna keep raising those prices higher until all the little number signs on the price boards go back to zero! Those signs can only go up to $9.99, so we're already almost there!"
In order to speed the process along, the Administration announced plans to do exactly what they've been doing all along, as that seems to be working nicely. "Before we know it, gas will be free, Jack!" said Biden excitedly.
Pete Buttigieg condemned the plan, however, as $0.00 gas will result in lower tax revenue for demolishing racist bridges.
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Bribem is heard mumbling, "I did this. I did this. I did this. Let's go Brandon."
Fast forward and Kissinger is still croaking at Davos. Brzezinski's son Mark is now US ambassador to Poland helping stir the pot against the Russians along with the other CFR/Trilateral members on the "Biden team" (Blinken, Sherman, Sullivan, Burns, Austin). Same stuff, different decade.