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Fire in the Sky
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Night Hi you are in my thanks too, always. And thanks once again for getting back to me so quickly. And happy Thanks Giving!
It reminds me of pumkin pie which I'd love to make one day.
Your way of thinking seams a lot more balanced than mine lol, I've never been too clever at dealing with people who take the piss out of good folks. So it was partly my doing for standing up to him and shouting back, calling him an obnoxious wanker in the loudest possible growl I could manage!
Didn't go too well!
So he threatened to hit me, then I said "I'm not scared of you" and then he just went for me proper.
His dad jumped in and he attacked his father, then it kicked off.
The dad is very used to his behaviour, not me unfortunately, I've never met anyone who has managed to push so many of my buttons at once and definitely don't have the grace or self control of my mum, she would know what to do but I don't do anything in moderation! Most of the time I'm loving and understanding but can be opposite in the extreme when faced with these attitudes or attacks.. Can be a nut job too but who knows maybe it's useful sometimes? Either way it brought something out it in his son it seems, something that had already always been there.
And I'm glad we've seen it at least.
I did warn my partner, that I've got my limits and failings too, so being around someone like this, it's such a difficult thing for me to not do or say anything. Don't care if they "loose it". It's a failing in many ways.
I reckon no one has the excuse to attack others with this level of violence though, just because someone shouts at them..
So I guess in a way it was saying No to him even though it was a risk, we actually saw his true colours.
I noticed how these traits were there when I first met him, and have been warning my partner for a long time.. But you still want things to be okay you know? And as it's his (grown up) kid, my partner asked for my help so I thought it's worth a try.
But deep down I knew there was something very wrong, so it's also a lesson to me to learn to trust my intuition which was screaming sometimes, to get away from him, "it" or I knew not what.
Sometimes I took it out on my partner, and vice versa.. The 2 kids and other family members have caused a lot of damage for a good couple of years, and at a time when he's going through cancer treatment..!
So it's been going on for a while.
Other times I was fooling myself thinking it might be alright, there are some good traits and it would be good if he could be helped, if he could improve.. His dad would be happier too. I remember posting on SOTT about a moment of rage when there was the possibility of his son having to say with us for a while... I completely lost it, saying NO in the most extreme way that was like, where did that come from?
I know now.
I realised that we were dealing with a character who can be quite dangerous, harmful and manipulative. I saw real hatred there.
Even though there are some good things there. It's very obvious what was going on that day though, especially as right after he attacked us, he was either on the phone to his mother or the police, blaming us and so coolly affortlessly spinning a yarn, whilst me and my partner are just still in shock, thinking, what just happened!?
It was frightening how manipulative and calm he could be when he needed to.
It's really difficult though, for his dad, much easier for me. And really sad because he cares so much about his son. We were both blindsided to some degree, and didn't expect the level of bs or violence, we should have seen what was there and not what we wanted to see, as you say.
And the whole thing happened to start with, because the dad had a few squirts of his sons new aftershave.
He then became really abusive, for days before I lost my patience after another load of bs.
Trouble is, his dad is a very loving and kind man who the son knows just how to play (his mother had the same traits). The dad has already used up his life savings to help his son, plus a lot of emotional energy even whilst going through cancer..Following this his son accused him of being selfish, of all things, and offered no thanks, mainly attacks, It's a really extreme case it seems.
And I'm not sure if what I'm doing is right, or good - well it's not really - but I'm going to draw boundaries now, as in something changed when I saw real harm done to my partner, someone getting violent with him- even as he's still recovering. And me too.
He's managed to cause so much lasting damage and I'm going to defend against him and other similar members of family with all I've got, it probably sounds too extreme but I've said to my partner that if he tries to call again and play the pity card like he's so good at doing, I'm going to get the phone off him, tell the son to just leave us alone, stay well away from us, stay out of our lives, Something along those lines.
I dunno if this is right, it's service to self probably, like survival mode, and so what I thought let's put it in the 49%
Just don't want to let him near my fella or me again! Still I have a lot to learn though.. Maybe best to see what happens, and try to act with prudence.
Anyway that's the rant over and thanks so much for listening with all my heart. (And excuse the language).
I'm very grateful to you once again dear soul, to know you are there. Hope you and your daughter are healthy and well X
It reminds me of pumkin pie which I'd love to make one day.
Your way of thinking seams a lot more balanced than mine lol, I've never been too clever at dealing with people who take the piss out of good folks. So it was partly my doing for standing up to him and shouting back, calling him an obnoxious wanker in the loudest possible growl I could manage!
Didn't go too well!
So he threatened to hit me, then I said "I'm not scared of you" and then he just went for me proper.
His dad jumped in and he attacked his father, then it kicked off.
The dad is very used to his behaviour, not me unfortunately, I've never met anyone who has managed to push so many of my buttons at once and definitely don't have the grace or self control of my mum, she would know what to do but I don't do anything in moderation! Most of the time I'm loving and understanding but can be opposite in the extreme when faced with these attitudes or attacks.. Can be a nut job too but who knows maybe it's useful sometimes? Either way it brought something out it in his son it seems, something that had already always been there.
And I'm glad we've seen it at least.
I did warn my partner, that I've got my limits and failings too, so being around someone like this, it's such a difficult thing for me to not do or say anything. Don't care if they "loose it". It's a failing in many ways.
I reckon no one has the excuse to attack others with this level of violence though, just because someone shouts at them..
So I guess in a way it was saying No to him even though it was a risk, we actually saw his true colours.
I noticed how these traits were there when I first met him, and have been warning my partner for a long time.. But you still want things to be okay you know? And as it's his (grown up) kid, my partner asked for my help so I thought it's worth a try.
But deep down I knew there was something very wrong, so it's also a lesson to me to learn to trust my intuition which was screaming sometimes, to get away from him, "it" or I knew not what.
Sometimes I took it out on my partner, and vice versa.. The 2 kids and other family members have caused a lot of damage for a good couple of years, and at a time when he's going through cancer treatment..!
So it's been going on for a while.
Other times I was fooling myself thinking it might be alright, there are some good traits and it would be good if he could be helped, if he could improve.. His dad would be happier too. I remember posting on SOTT about a moment of rage when there was the possibility of his son having to say with us for a while... I completely lost it, saying NO in the most extreme way that was like, where did that come from?
I know now.
I realised that we were dealing with a character who can be quite dangerous, harmful and manipulative. I saw real hatred there.
Even though there are some good things there. It's very obvious what was going on that day though, especially as right after he attacked us, he was either on the phone to his mother or the police, blaming us and so coolly affortlessly spinning a yarn, whilst me and my partner are just still in shock, thinking, what just happened!?
It was frightening how manipulative and calm he could be when he needed to.
It's really difficult though, for his dad, much easier for me. And really sad because he cares so much about his son. We were both blindsided to some degree, and didn't expect the level of bs or violence, we should have seen what was there and not what we wanted to see, as you say.
And the whole thing happened to start with, because the dad had a few squirts of his sons new aftershave.
He then became really abusive, for days before I lost my patience after another load of bs.
Trouble is, his dad is a very loving and kind man who the son knows just how to play (his mother had the same traits). The dad has already used up his life savings to help his son, plus a lot of emotional energy even whilst going through cancer..Following this his son accused him of being selfish, of all things, and offered no thanks, mainly attacks, It's a really extreme case it seems.
And I'm not sure if what I'm doing is right, or good - well it's not really - but I'm going to draw boundaries now, as in something changed when I saw real harm done to my partner, someone getting violent with him- even as he's still recovering. And me too.
He's managed to cause so much lasting damage and I'm going to defend against him and other similar members of family with all I've got, it probably sounds too extreme but I've said to my partner that if he tries to call again and play the pity card like he's so good at doing, I'm going to get the phone off him, tell the son to just leave us alone, stay well away from us, stay out of our lives, Something along those lines.
I dunno if this is right, it's service to self probably, like survival mode, and so what I thought let's put it in the 49%
Just don't want to let him near my fella or me again! Still I have a lot to learn though.. Maybe best to see what happens, and try to act with prudence.
Anyway that's the rant over and thanks so much for listening with all my heart. (And excuse the language).
I'm very grateful to you once again dear soul, to know you are there. Hope you and your daughter are healthy and well X
Happy poo dear friend. I'm sad for you. As parents we can't reject our children no matter what. Esp if there was a divorce or other event that parent thinks created negative impact on a child. Parents do tend to carry guilt. We make mistakes, big and small , and they haunt us. We blame ourselves for the way our kid turned out. So your partner may not be ready to sever that bond yet, maybe he never will. It's truly between him and his no- matter- how -grown -up- will -always -be -his kid. And that puts you in tough situation. You want to protect your partner, esp considering his health situation. You want to create a safe, respectful and loving space. You can't do it with toxic people living in the same place.
I know you from afar, yet a few things I know for sure.. you are a very kind man. Gentle. Empathetic. You have a big heart.
But there is a part in you (like in most of us) that can easily get pulled into drama. It's quite easy to become aware of it, but not easy to train it to stay calm when others do everything to trigger it.
I can tell you a little about it, but if want to know more, I can recommend a book I read quite a long time ago (and still have it on my bookshelf), by Eckhart Tolle "a new earth ".
You have heard that some people are energetic vampires, right? They push your buttons to get their energetic "fix", just like drug addicts do. These kind of vampiric people are most likely not aware of their "addiction ". Just that once in a while they get uneasy, irritable, any little thing can set them off. They throw a big tantrum or fight, get you all upset or worse and then they are good for a while. Until it's time for a next "fix".
Task one. Notice it in others. Don't explain it with excuses. See it truly for what it is. As if some dark entity takes over and starts a fight out of nothing.
Task two. Notice there is already a part in you conditioned to react in such circumstance. It's hard to not to react, it's OK. Just notice it's there and it's not quite you as you know yourself. It's a triggered twin in a way.
Task 3. Notice the satisfaction the initiator of a fight gets. You see them getting almost happy at some point, or smug, as if they fooled you and get away with it. It's easier to notice if you are observing others rather being a part of a drama.
Task 4. When you a part of it, notice how it makes you feel empty and helpless afterwards. Recognize you get NOTHING from this drama. You get used for your emotions and thrown away like a squeezed lemon.
Task 5. Don't give in. Stay calm. Remember it's coming. Those who are addicted to their choice of drug (aka your emotions and life energy) will be coming for you. Don't react. Go for a long walk or whatever. They will try a few times before choosing a new victim. They will try time to time to trigger you again. If you stay aware, they will move really fast to a next one who will give them their "fix".
Remember, you can't change them. It's easy way to live for them to get a life energy from you. You can read the book together with a partner and maybe try this together. It might give a way for your partner to maintain relationship with his son without the usual drama and fights. It requires work and discipline but worth it.
I recognized my husband (and my in laws) are energetic vampires. Doing the steps I described helped me tremendously and made me feel so much more in control of my emotions, my well-being and I enjoy having inner peace no matter how someone around me pissed of or angry (at me or otherwise). Hope you'll find it helpful. If have a trouble finding a book, let me know, I'll look for an e copy online and send you a link.
Wishing you happy days and peaceful nights..
I know you from afar, yet a few things I know for sure.. you are a very kind man. Gentle. Empathetic. You have a big heart.
But there is a part in you (like in most of us) that can easily get pulled into drama. It's quite easy to become aware of it, but not easy to train it to stay calm when others do everything to trigger it.
I can tell you a little about it, but if want to know more, I can recommend a book I read quite a long time ago (and still have it on my bookshelf), by Eckhart Tolle "a new earth ".
You have heard that some people are energetic vampires, right? They push your buttons to get their energetic "fix", just like drug addicts do. These kind of vampiric people are most likely not aware of their "addiction ". Just that once in a while they get uneasy, irritable, any little thing can set them off. They throw a big tantrum or fight, get you all upset or worse and then they are good for a while. Until it's time for a next "fix".
Task one. Notice it in others. Don't explain it with excuses. See it truly for what it is. As if some dark entity takes over and starts a fight out of nothing.
Task two. Notice there is already a part in you conditioned to react in such circumstance. It's hard to not to react, it's OK. Just notice it's there and it's not quite you as you know yourself. It's a triggered twin in a way.
Task 3. Notice the satisfaction the initiator of a fight gets. You see them getting almost happy at some point, or smug, as if they fooled you and get away with it. It's easier to notice if you are observing others rather being a part of a drama.
Task 4. When you a part of it, notice how it makes you feel empty and helpless afterwards. Recognize you get NOTHING from this drama. You get used for your emotions and thrown away like a squeezed lemon.
Task 5. Don't give in. Stay calm. Remember it's coming. Those who are addicted to their choice of drug (aka your emotions and life energy) will be coming for you. Don't react. Go for a long walk or whatever. They will try a few times before choosing a new victim. They will try time to time to trigger you again. If you stay aware, they will move really fast to a next one who will give them their "fix".
Remember, you can't change them. It's easy way to live for them to get a life energy from you. You can read the book together with a partner and maybe try this together. It might give a way for your partner to maintain relationship with his son without the usual drama and fights. It requires work and discipline but worth it.
I recognized my husband (and my in laws) are energetic vampires. Doing the steps I described helped me tremendously and made me feel so much more in control of my emotions, my well-being and I enjoy having inner peace no matter how someone around me pissed of or angry (at me or otherwise). Hope you'll find it helpful. If have a trouble finding a book, let me know, I'll look for an e copy online and send you a link.
Wishing you happy days and peaceful nights..
Night Hi as usual I'm not quite sure how to find the words to thank you, this help and support really is invaluable to my fella and I..Especially because have no idea what it's like to have kids!
I've been trying to tell him for around 3 years now, to try to see what's there and not what he wants to see, to limit the amount of energy he was giving, financially too.
But it kept getting downplayed, especially as he must have got used to the behaviour of his son after all these years bless him. (He does admit this now)..
Maybe if we'd have seen it and acted, reacted in a better way, a more appropriate way like limiting the amount of time and energy he gave his son in the first place, maybe it wouldn't have got to this stage, we'll never know I guess.
Either way, hope nothing like this happens again as it was too risky, sometimes his son does actually seam to be taken over by something dark, almost open house sometimes, and your knowledge of ways to deal with this is really vital, very much appreciated.
I did notice also how a lot of my partners energy was being used in the wrong way, he was tired and bad tempered ratty, and now he's so much better thanks God.
I've been trying (mainly without too much success) , to get him to take things like emotional energy seriously, and said things like 'it's your life force' to him, but wasn't getting through, you explained it so amazingly well, so now it's not just me moaning at him lol!
It really is a massive help.
And this is very helpful because also, he wasn't very aware of these things, that he could be - and totally unintentionally bless him - putting us in negative or risky situations.. (would take an age to explain), as I was dragged along most of time, or dragged myself along. (Stupidly?)
The book sounds great thanks for recommendation, will get it asap and have a read with him.
I admit that I wasn't totally honest with myself about what was in front of me either, because of what his son's been though. Would have liked to help him, if it was possible. And I'd still do that if it were possible..
Huge gratitude for your kind words, I've been so knackered from it all, there has been so much unnecessary stress, it's amazing how kind and lovely words can make all the difference, it got me off my backside and cleaned the place then did a lovely roast, mum would be very grateful to you as well..
And for taking the time and energy to write to me, I'm hoping to thank you with songs, but it's taking longer than I expected to get anything done, I'll get there eventually, wish I could play something to you now.
Was goin to send voice message soon, would be nice to show you the little allotment, it's beautiful where we live now.
We're very grateful to be here and hoping for it to settle so I can get something done.
We don't actually live near his family any more, it was like the problems and drama were following us here, hours spent on the phone day after day, and the like.
My partner is hopefully going to read and get more clued in, he hasn't had the chance with all this stuff going on. Be nice to send you something one day on a lighter note, you are a blessing. Take care and lots of Love again dear soul, and to your daughter too X
I've been trying to tell him for around 3 years now, to try to see what's there and not what he wants to see, to limit the amount of energy he was giving, financially too.
But it kept getting downplayed, especially as he must have got used to the behaviour of his son after all these years bless him. (He does admit this now)..
Maybe if we'd have seen it and acted, reacted in a better way, a more appropriate way like limiting the amount of time and energy he gave his son in the first place, maybe it wouldn't have got to this stage, we'll never know I guess.
Either way, hope nothing like this happens again as it was too risky, sometimes his son does actually seam to be taken over by something dark, almost open house sometimes, and your knowledge of ways to deal with this is really vital, very much appreciated.
I did notice also how a lot of my partners energy was being used in the wrong way, he was tired and bad tempered ratty, and now he's so much better thanks God.
I've been trying (mainly without too much success) , to get him to take things like emotional energy seriously, and said things like 'it's your life force' to him, but wasn't getting through, you explained it so amazingly well, so now it's not just me moaning at him lol!
It really is a massive help.
And this is very helpful because also, he wasn't very aware of these things, that he could be - and totally unintentionally bless him - putting us in negative or risky situations.. (would take an age to explain), as I was dragged along most of time, or dragged myself along. (Stupidly?)
The book sounds great thanks for recommendation, will get it asap and have a read with him.
I admit that I wasn't totally honest with myself about what was in front of me either, because of what his son's been though. Would have liked to help him, if it was possible. And I'd still do that if it were possible..
Huge gratitude for your kind words, I've been so knackered from it all, there has been so much unnecessary stress, it's amazing how kind and lovely words can make all the difference, it got me off my backside and cleaned the place then did a lovely roast, mum would be very grateful to you as well..
And for taking the time and energy to write to me, I'm hoping to thank you with songs, but it's taking longer than I expected to get anything done, I'll get there eventually, wish I could play something to you now.
Was goin to send voice message soon, would be nice to show you the little allotment, it's beautiful where we live now.
We're very grateful to be here and hoping for it to settle so I can get something done.
We don't actually live near his family any more, it was like the problems and drama were following us here, hours spent on the phone day after day, and the like.
My partner is hopefully going to read and get more clued in, he hasn't had the chance with all this stuff going on. Be nice to send you something one day on a lighter note, you are a blessing. Take care and lots of Love again dear soul, and to your daughter too X
Happy poo I'm so glad you find my imput helpful. And thank you for always including kind words for my daughter. It warms my heart. And about the song... I feel like when you heart will truly sing, you'll find it make it into a song almost effortlessly . So much to look forward to...
Many hugs.
Many hugs.
Night I hope so lol my voice is so out of practice, (well it never really was 'in' practice) but I know what you mean it's lovely when we sing from the heart, it just comes naturally, thanks for reminding me. . And I'm sure it will be okay when I get started, starting is the def the hardest bit as they say..
And same to you, many hugs in return to you both 🌷X
And same to you, many hugs in return to you both 🌷X
Night Hi lovely to hear from you. Happy Christmas to you too thanks so much for your beautiful message, was going to send you a voice one to say something, still a bit shy to speak sometimes . I had a bit too much wine yesterday lol also, don't usually drink but it's okay once in a while I guess. Going to get back to singing and hopefully do some work with things calming down a bit, so keeping focused on that and remaining positive about it.. I hope you and your daughter are having a lovely Christmas and same to you, hope for you to find time to relax take care of yourself and be good to yourself in every way. All my love to you both and sorry for delay. Will be in touch, take care X
Happy poo Happy New Year! Wish you and your partner a healthy and prosperous year full of love. It was raining here as well. Love prosecco lol, we did open one at 12. It was nice, just my family. I'm an introvert, big parties are never a pleasure for me. Big hugs. Hope to hear from you once in a while.
Night Hi, thanks for getting back to me and for your lovely wishes, and same to you and your family! I'm not a fan of parties either, can be introverted too unless I'm drunk and/or there is good music lol, (can't really drink a lot anymore anyway as it just does me right in).. Or if it's a small get together kind of thing. Glad you are well and had a nice time, would be lovely to keep in touch thanks.
Big hug back to you, take care lots of love, and a hello and thanks from my partner too X
Big hug back to you, take care lots of love, and a hello and thanks from my partner too X
Hi there Night, long time no speak, I've been meaning to send you a message for ages.. Had a lot of stuff happen that would take a very long time to explain lol, including splitting with my partner, it got way too intense. I did start doing a message and tried make a poem for you a while ago, (it wasn't too good anyway).. Then so many things got in the way.
And of course the last couple of months with what's happening in the ME it's been absolutely shocking, really upsetting can't even believe what's happening sometimes. I used to do research about Israel /Palastine when a lot younger and remember being really frustrated about the Israeli government getting away with what they were doing way back then, but this is crazy, and that's an understatement it's hard to find words.
Anyway..
How are you and your daughter? Hope very much that your both doing well
I've finally found some time and decent equipment to start doing a bit of music so goin to send you a song, not managed to record voice yet as I've got to set up the computer first with it which will take a while..And only been practicing with this new keyboard for a short time so it needs a lot of work. But it's just great to finally be doing something! (It sounds a bit pants as just recorded on the tablet, especially the low end). And it's goin to take me ages to learn to do it properly, been doing research and it's very daunting realising just how little I know about recording music etc.
Also only just noticed that you sent a message on YouTube, didn't check it for ages so apologies for not getting back to you sooner..
Hope to still keep in touch, when you can.
Here is the tune and message (I nicked the song name off one of the keyboards sounds lol couldn't think of anything decent).
Take care, and lots of love XXX 🙂🙏
[Link]
[Link]
And of course the last couple of months with what's happening in the ME it's been absolutely shocking, really upsetting can't even believe what's happening sometimes. I used to do research about Israel /Palastine when a lot younger and remember being really frustrated about the Israeli government getting away with what they were doing way back then, but this is crazy, and that's an understatement it's hard to find words.
Anyway..
How are you and your daughter? Hope very much that your both doing well
I've finally found some time and decent equipment to start doing a bit of music so goin to send you a song, not managed to record voice yet as I've got to set up the computer first with it which will take a while..And only been practicing with this new keyboard for a short time so it needs a lot of work. But it's just great to finally be doing something! (It sounds a bit pants as just recorded on the tablet, especially the low end). And it's goin to take me ages to learn to do it properly, been doing research and it's very daunting realising just how little I know about recording music etc.
Also only just noticed that you sent a message on YouTube, didn't check it for ages so apologies for not getting back to you sooner..
Hope to still keep in touch, when you can.
Here is the tune and message (I nicked the song name off one of the keyboards sounds lol couldn't think of anything decent).
Take care, and lots of love XXX 🙂🙏
[Link]
[Link]
Still doesn't work, ah well. Probably needs more work anyway it will be on the channel next to the message I guess..
Dear friend. So good to hear from you! I'm sorry to hear you split from your partner. I do remember there were a lot of stress and issues with boundaries and such situations can only be tolerated temporary as they tend to suck our life energy and joy. A person could be a wonderful being with lots of great qualities but our path can't be together for long. I hope you take care of yourself and treat yourself kindly. I believe the more we do it to ourselves, the more life starts mimicking it as well.
When it comes to your experience and overwhelming awareness of how much there is to learn is actually quite simple to resolve. You are on your path to the top. Now you are reaching the foot of a mountain. From your point it looks quite difficult and requires skills to climb it. It's looks more challenging because you can see a lot of steps, but also you are recognizing that you can't see many as well. You need to buy a new writing pad that you will write all tasks for a day in relation to your music goals and break all steps into quite small ones and easily manageable. Some days it might be steps to learn some programs or apps, another day practicing chords. Some steps are deligated only to research. Such journal will help you to be more organized and rooted in action and less in the feelings and thoughts about ... well, everything that can act as distraction. By the way, relationships that take all your time and energy also belong to such distraction. To work towards your goal is also to confront all your fears, doubts on how good you are, questions whether it's all worth such efforts and sometimes sacrifice. Most of all, going after your goal requires courage and believing in yourself in spite of your personality, your past and any mistakes and putting yourself first. having distractions is safe. Going after your dream is not. That's why people for instance with fear of commitment will chose emotionally or physically unavailable person with who relationship go nowhere. It's safe.. their fear is safe. Unconfronted.
There are people with inflated egos and think they are better than others. It's obnoxious but its easier for them to live like that. They don't know the torture of being hard on oneself. There are people who learned to be hard on themselves and be their own worst critic (and thus worst enemy). No matter how hard such people try, no matter many compliments they might hear, they will never become people in inflated ego category. Their minds work differently. Why I say all these? Whatever you want for yourself, you have to learn to fake a little bit of that obnoxious person who thinks he is already all that. Don't worry, you'll never become like him. But it will help to get there faster if you don't fight your critical self every step of the way. I hope it's not too confusing what I try to say. You've heard "fake it till you make it"? Faking confidence helps to get you internally closer to real confidence because faking confidence jolts you into making real life steps to act on such confidence. And in turn , real action and experience (good and not so great) builds the real confidence that You Can Do it.
The topic of ME is pretty big. And I probably won't open it now. You are such a good and kind person. Its very understandable that you are so affected. I hold position many won't agree. I am a parent. It's my duty to be level-headed, at peace and present to my child. If I let myself be upset too much it will create anxious and fearful child. I don't ignore the world. But I don't let it into my small everyday world either.
Thank you for your care and thoughts about me and my daughter. Thank God we are doing well and our relationship are strong and supportive of each other. She is turning 17 in 2 weeks. She loves her school and her tutoring work. She dreams one day to visit England. She loves history and architecture so wants one day to visit famous castles and manors and to see beautiful countryside. She also wants to go study in Germany after graduating school (another year and a half for that dream).
P.s. the music video didn't go through this time. I can't wait to hear it. Whenever you can make it work, I'll be honored to hear it. Thank you!
When it comes to your experience and overwhelming awareness of how much there is to learn is actually quite simple to resolve. You are on your path to the top. Now you are reaching the foot of a mountain. From your point it looks quite difficult and requires skills to climb it. It's looks more challenging because you can see a lot of steps, but also you are recognizing that you can't see many as well. You need to buy a new writing pad that you will write all tasks for a day in relation to your music goals and break all steps into quite small ones and easily manageable. Some days it might be steps to learn some programs or apps, another day practicing chords. Some steps are deligated only to research. Such journal will help you to be more organized and rooted in action and less in the feelings and thoughts about ... well, everything that can act as distraction. By the way, relationships that take all your time and energy also belong to such distraction. To work towards your goal is also to confront all your fears, doubts on how good you are, questions whether it's all worth such efforts and sometimes sacrifice. Most of all, going after your goal requires courage and believing in yourself in spite of your personality, your past and any mistakes and putting yourself first. having distractions is safe. Going after your dream is not. That's why people for instance with fear of commitment will chose emotionally or physically unavailable person with who relationship go nowhere. It's safe.. their fear is safe. Unconfronted.
There are people with inflated egos and think they are better than others. It's obnoxious but its easier for them to live like that. They don't know the torture of being hard on oneself. There are people who learned to be hard on themselves and be their own worst critic (and thus worst enemy). No matter how hard such people try, no matter many compliments they might hear, they will never become people in inflated ego category. Their minds work differently. Why I say all these? Whatever you want for yourself, you have to learn to fake a little bit of that obnoxious person who thinks he is already all that. Don't worry, you'll never become like him. But it will help to get there faster if you don't fight your critical self every step of the way. I hope it's not too confusing what I try to say. You've heard "fake it till you make it"? Faking confidence helps to get you internally closer to real confidence because faking confidence jolts you into making real life steps to act on such confidence. And in turn , real action and experience (good and not so great) builds the real confidence that You Can Do it.
The topic of ME is pretty big. And I probably won't open it now. You are such a good and kind person. Its very understandable that you are so affected. I hold position many won't agree. I am a parent. It's my duty to be level-headed, at peace and present to my child. If I let myself be upset too much it will create anxious and fearful child. I don't ignore the world. But I don't let it into my small everyday world either.
Thank you for your care and thoughts about me and my daughter. Thank God we are doing well and our relationship are strong and supportive of each other. She is turning 17 in 2 weeks. She loves her school and her tutoring work. She dreams one day to visit England. She loves history and architecture so wants one day to visit famous castles and manors and to see beautiful countryside. She also wants to go study in Germany after graduating school (another year and a half for that dream).
P.s. the music video didn't go through this time. I can't wait to hear it. Whenever you can make it work, I'll be honored to hear it. Thank you!
Night Thanks for getting back to me so quickly! You are very kind. And very kind to say these things, it would be lovely for you to hear something when I've put a better quality recording, it's probably for the best that it didn't play anyway, sounded very mushy recorded on the tablet.
After reading your message I already feel more positive.. What your saying does make a lot of sense to me in every way. About relationships, and everything else!
It's uncanny how you seem to know exactly what it's like to have these kind of overly self critical thoughts, I'm very much like that. I've read your message many times, you really do have a wonderful way of putting things into words and into perspective, and I'll take on board what you say as best I can. It really spoke to me especially about the self doubt which has been happening a lot lately.. Which does seem to happen when trying to reach goals, finding that trying to let go of the past, mistakes etc and all of the things which can hold someone back isn't easy.
And also about what you say regarding the missing confidence side of things.
Was going to send you another video message but waffled on too much, will try doing another one soon. Still find it hard to write but it's getting a little easier.
Will def get a note book and your advice is great, I'll get a SOTT notebook lol.
Very grateful for you taking the time to message me, and I'm really glad you and your daughter are good.
Hope very much she can come to visit England one day, the countryside is so beautiful, and even though the culture isn't so healthy here there are still so many lovely places. I'm very lucky to live somewhere beautiful, there is a park literally a couple of minutes walk from me that is an arboretum, used to be an old country house type thing that was demolished in 1968 . It still has beautiful grounds though, more wild now and less like a garden with massive ancient Holly and Yew trees, Redwoods and all kinds of Fir, huge Beach trees that form a corridor you can walk through and an ancient mere you can walk around. There's loads of wildlife, many different types of birds and especially Robins, and with the Holly trees it makes a perfect Christmas scene, especially in the frost and cold. I've been trying to get a photo of one in the Holly. It rains a lot here though so we're not short of water 🙂
I love architecture too, loads, sounds like your daughter and I have got stuff in common.
She sounds lovely though, a lot nicer than I was when 17.. My poor mum, seriously. Grew out of it eventually, luckily.
I understand what you say about things in the Middle East also, when visiting my family was really preoccupied with it and I wasn't very present with them or my nephews, and don't often see them so can definitely see what your saying.. Next time goin to be more aware of how this can affect them and will try to enjoy these small moments with them which are so precious.
It's great to be back in touch with you anyway, and wishing for you both to have a good festive season, hope to keep in touch anyway. Lots of love to you both and hope you are taking good care of yourself also X
After reading your message I already feel more positive.. What your saying does make a lot of sense to me in every way. About relationships, and everything else!
It's uncanny how you seem to know exactly what it's like to have these kind of overly self critical thoughts, I'm very much like that. I've read your message many times, you really do have a wonderful way of putting things into words and into perspective, and I'll take on board what you say as best I can. It really spoke to me especially about the self doubt which has been happening a lot lately.. Which does seem to happen when trying to reach goals, finding that trying to let go of the past, mistakes etc and all of the things which can hold someone back isn't easy.
And also about what you say regarding the missing confidence side of things.
Was going to send you another video message but waffled on too much, will try doing another one soon. Still find it hard to write but it's getting a little easier.
Will def get a note book and your advice is great, I'll get a SOTT notebook lol.
Very grateful for you taking the time to message me, and I'm really glad you and your daughter are good.
Hope very much she can come to visit England one day, the countryside is so beautiful, and even though the culture isn't so healthy here there are still so many lovely places. I'm very lucky to live somewhere beautiful, there is a park literally a couple of minutes walk from me that is an arboretum, used to be an old country house type thing that was demolished in 1968 . It still has beautiful grounds though, more wild now and less like a garden with massive ancient Holly and Yew trees, Redwoods and all kinds of Fir, huge Beach trees that form a corridor you can walk through and an ancient mere you can walk around. There's loads of wildlife, many different types of birds and especially Robins, and with the Holly trees it makes a perfect Christmas scene, especially in the frost and cold. I've been trying to get a photo of one in the Holly. It rains a lot here though so we're not short of water 🙂
I love architecture too, loads, sounds like your daughter and I have got stuff in common.
She sounds lovely though, a lot nicer than I was when 17.. My poor mum, seriously. Grew out of it eventually, luckily.
I understand what you say about things in the Middle East also, when visiting my family was really preoccupied with it and I wasn't very present with them or my nephews, and don't often see them so can definitely see what your saying.. Next time goin to be more aware of how this can affect them and will try to enjoy these small moments with them which are so precious.
It's great to be back in touch with you anyway, and wishing for you both to have a good festive season, hope to keep in touch anyway. Lots of love to you both and hope you are taking good care of yourself also X
Happy poo I talk about things I lived through. I understand what you mean because I recognize parts of my younger self and what was holding me back. I also had a job that required such knowledge. I gotta give you another well deserved compliment. Your writing style has changed into much more clear and relaxed way of expressing yourself. It might be weird for someone like me to say that as English is my second language. But such a great difference! It shows how your thinking evolved. Too much drama can really messed up our inner world. I'm glad the real you started to take more of your space.
Thank you for describing your country with such poetic words. My daughter's favorite movie is BBC made miniseries 1995 Pride and Prejudice. She plays the soundtrack during our nature walks as she imagines being in Pemberley. Makes her an odd ball with her peers for sure.
Enjoy your holidays and celebrate creative you. Lots of hugs.
Thank you for describing your country with such poetic words. My daughter's favorite movie is BBC made miniseries 1995 Pride and Prejudice. She plays the soundtrack during our nature walks as she imagines being in Pemberley. Makes her an odd ball with her peers for sure.
Enjoy your holidays and celebrate creative you. Lots of hugs.
Thanks for that compliment, it truly made my day! Writing has always been a weak point and I really know what you mean, read back on some of my comments here and in general recently and it was sometimes painful to read them. . Wasn't in a good place at all, it really showed.
Although now I'm extremely grateful for the first time in ten years to have a life that is stable and peaceful, can't get across how much it makes a difference to wellbeing, even though I'm still struggling with bad memories now and then but it's to be expected I guess.
I read Pride and Prejudice many years ago randomly as someone left the book lying around, was never into that kind of thing but absolutely loved it, was a really nice surprise.
Your daughter sounds really sweet, mature and thoughtful
. It's so nice she appreciates those things at such a young age bless her.
Hope you enjoy your holidays too..
I'm just going to get my head down focus on learning these computer programs etc and try my best not to get distracted by anything as that's always been a weakness too.. Even networking and researching what's going on in the world (even though I don't want to, it's really hard to pull myself away from it), or for a while at least.
Otherwise I'll never get anything done lol and have a lot of catching up to do, as after years of not being able to do anything for so many reasons that couldn't really be helped, feel kind of left behind in so many ways.. But it's never to late to do good things as they say.
And just massively grateful to finally have the opportunity to do some creative work.
All my love, and thanks once again for your advice and support Great to be in touch, it's been lovely to chat with you again, and will send you something soon as I've got my head round it.
Hugs back to you both X
Although now I'm extremely grateful for the first time in ten years to have a life that is stable and peaceful, can't get across how much it makes a difference to wellbeing, even though I'm still struggling with bad memories now and then but it's to be expected I guess.
I read Pride and Prejudice many years ago randomly as someone left the book lying around, was never into that kind of thing but absolutely loved it, was a really nice surprise.
Your daughter sounds really sweet, mature and thoughtful
. It's so nice she appreciates those things at such a young age bless her.
Hope you enjoy your holidays too..
I'm just going to get my head down focus on learning these computer programs etc and try my best not to get distracted by anything as that's always been a weakness too.. Even networking and researching what's going on in the world (even though I don't want to, it's really hard to pull myself away from it), or for a while at least.
Otherwise I'll never get anything done lol and have a lot of catching up to do, as after years of not being able to do anything for so many reasons that couldn't really be helped, feel kind of left behind in so many ways.. But it's never to late to do good things as they say.
And just massively grateful to finally have the opportunity to do some creative work.
All my love, and thanks once again for your advice and support Great to be in touch, it's been lovely to chat with you again, and will send you something soon as I've got my head round it.
Hugs back to you both X
Happy poo My dear friend. Please. When bad memories pop up to disctact you, instead of just waving them off, use the opportunity. Very often bad memories pop in to fill you with self blame. It's like "how did i miss this", "why i didn't address that", "it's all my fault, i let it happen " and such. So use the opportunity to forgive yourself for each instance. Even if you don't feel like it, say "I forgive and release myself from blame and negativity, I made a mistake, I forgive myself for it". No need to analyze or dwell on it. But sometimes, if things gets too close to heart, support yourself as hard as you can and give yourself a little break. Dealing with emotions can be quite a heavy lifting. A kind person always starts with self. Give kindness to yourself. Write to me. I'm here for you. Send you my love and support. Big hug.
Happy poo Thank you for kind words about my daughter. She is exactly like you said. Sweet, mature and thoughtful. We have deep meaningful conversations about everything. The only problem when we talk, time flies and we can get caught of guard about how much time have passed. Not very good on busy days. And in some ways she is holding on to her childhood, feeling sad it's about to be over. Asked for her 17 bday science theme laptop stickers lol. They cost $5 for 100 bunch. Last year she asked for fuzzy socks. Of course, we'll get her something nice. It's just she doesn't give me good ideas.
Wish you peace, clarity of mind, creativity of the heart and productivity so you benefit from all yourself and bring joy to others.
Wish you peace, clarity of mind, creativity of the heart and productivity so you benefit from all yourself and bring joy to others.
Thanks so much I'm not sure what to write sometimes as your kindness sort of blows me away a bit, been a while since anyone has said stuff like this to me. Bless your heart.
Your advice about forgiveness for self is so well timed, it really spoke to me.. It's been pretty lonely recently here after splitting with my partner and knowing your there is a great help although I def understand if your busy and can't reply for any reason at all.. And just really appreciate you taking time to write to me.
Have had a pleasant surprise recently though, very grateful to have met a couple of people where I live who are lovely, so that has been a really positive thing. And would you believe it they are very aware of the nature of this world including the other dimensions etc and the forces at work here.. Including the techy geek who looks a bit like Gandalf.. Very lucky to have that, first time I've met anyone in person who understands about these kind of things. There are people here with some good skills and it's turning out to be quite a nice little community so far.. Find that the boating community in general is a little different to the more mainstream ways of life in the UK, seems to attract people who are more aware.
Thanks for telling me about your relationship with your daughter, hope you don't mind me saying but that's soo cute what you said about her lol!. .Put a massive smile on my face Kinda reminds me of myself a bit have to say.. But I've got to grow up a bit I suppose. And reminds me of how my mum and I used to be a long time ago before her illness really started to take it's toll and before I became worn down and impatient.
She still used to get me fuzzy socks and stuff in my late 30's, didn't ask though 😄
I did do another song sketch yesterday and put off doing the boring stuff, will start learning the programmes now though, although sometimes it's just good to get an idea of a song down while it's still fresh, had another nice tune come to mind after your messages.
I totally know what your saying about trying to forgive ourselves, again it's uncanny how you can discern what's happening as this last month especially it's been very difficult with a particular memory that came back about my behaviour regarding mum when I was so exhausted and failing at being a carer, and was being overwhelmed by feelings of helplessness, regret and complete frustration.
This was happening right before I had an experience, after years of being broken down, when my conscience was woken up sort of like a big whack from a peice of 2 by 4 round the back of the head as a friend put it.. A very painful but amazing experience and just in time to put things right before she passed thanks to God, or at least as much as I possibly could.. I'm truly eternally grateful for this.
I try to tell myself that the person who said those things wasn't the real me, it was quite like I was the frog that had been boiled slowly and this happened over such a long time that you don't realise until it's happened.
Even if I know that, it's still very difficult to forgive myself and really you don't know just how much your words have been helpful and healing, and just how much they meant to me, makes all the difference when you hear someone else say it. I'm so grateful to you for saying that! Thank you!
Went for a walk afterward yesterday in the park and it felt like a weight had lifted after reading your message. When I go to the park have been doing dances to the songs in my head kind of mixed with lame martial arts movements for exercise, which I absolutely love doing, mess about with this bo stick that I've got and only just started doing it again after a long while being lazy. Find this really good for health even if it's just for a few minutes each time. And I'm very grateful that I'm able to move freely.
I hope again that you are finding time to do good things for yourself..
Going to see if I can get this DAW sorted or at least make a start with doing it today.
Still finding it hard to write messages but it is taking me less time now, guess the more I do it will start to come more naturally. Apologies if I don't reply sooner sometimes, it takes
me a while to put something into words.
Hope you don't mind me writing about this, don't want to put on you or anything like that.. Again I def don't expect a reply if your busy and stuff it's just been lovely to read your messages.
Hope you and your daughter have a lovely day, thanks again for everything! X
Your advice about forgiveness for self is so well timed, it really spoke to me.. It's been pretty lonely recently here after splitting with my partner and knowing your there is a great help although I def understand if your busy and can't reply for any reason at all.. And just really appreciate you taking time to write to me.
Have had a pleasant surprise recently though, very grateful to have met a couple of people where I live who are lovely, so that has been a really positive thing. And would you believe it they are very aware of the nature of this world including the other dimensions etc and the forces at work here.. Including the techy geek who looks a bit like Gandalf.. Very lucky to have that, first time I've met anyone in person who understands about these kind of things. There are people here with some good skills and it's turning out to be quite a nice little community so far.. Find that the boating community in general is a little different to the more mainstream ways of life in the UK, seems to attract people who are more aware.
Thanks for telling me about your relationship with your daughter, hope you don't mind me saying but that's soo cute what you said about her lol!. .Put a massive smile on my face Kinda reminds me of myself a bit have to say.. But I've got to grow up a bit I suppose. And reminds me of how my mum and I used to be a long time ago before her illness really started to take it's toll and before I became worn down and impatient.
She still used to get me fuzzy socks and stuff in my late 30's, didn't ask though 😄
I did do another song sketch yesterday and put off doing the boring stuff, will start learning the programmes now though, although sometimes it's just good to get an idea of a song down while it's still fresh, had another nice tune come to mind after your messages.
I totally know what your saying about trying to forgive ourselves, again it's uncanny how you can discern what's happening as this last month especially it's been very difficult with a particular memory that came back about my behaviour regarding mum when I was so exhausted and failing at being a carer, and was being overwhelmed by feelings of helplessness, regret and complete frustration.
This was happening right before I had an experience, after years of being broken down, when my conscience was woken up sort of like a big whack from a peice of 2 by 4 round the back of the head as a friend put it.. A very painful but amazing experience and just in time to put things right before she passed thanks to God, or at least as much as I possibly could.. I'm truly eternally grateful for this.
I try to tell myself that the person who said those things wasn't the real me, it was quite like I was the frog that had been boiled slowly and this happened over such a long time that you don't realise until it's happened.
Even if I know that, it's still very difficult to forgive myself and really you don't know just how much your words have been helpful and healing, and just how much they meant to me, makes all the difference when you hear someone else say it. I'm so grateful to you for saying that! Thank you!
Went for a walk afterward yesterday in the park and it felt like a weight had lifted after reading your message. When I go to the park have been doing dances to the songs in my head kind of mixed with lame martial arts movements for exercise, which I absolutely love doing, mess about with this bo stick that I've got and only just started doing it again after a long while being lazy. Find this really good for health even if it's just for a few minutes each time. And I'm very grateful that I'm able to move freely.
I hope again that you are finding time to do good things for yourself..
Going to see if I can get this DAW sorted or at least make a start with doing it today.
Still finding it hard to write messages but it is taking me less time now, guess the more I do it will start to come more naturally. Apologies if I don't reply sooner sometimes, it takes
me a while to put something into words.
Hope you don't mind me writing about this, don't want to put on you or anything like that.. Again I def don't expect a reply if your busy and stuff it's just been lovely to read your messages.
Hope you and your daughter have a lovely day, thanks again for everything! X
My dear friend. I'm always happy to hear from you and your messages are always welcomed. I'm glad to hear you met like-minded people. Hopefully some of them will become a good support system for you.
I'm happy to know your creativity started to flow. It's wonderful! That means you are doing the right kind of work on clearing and releasing old blocks and shackles. Creativity is a light energy. The more you release heavy stuff, the more you get the energy. Some can be released into music. Some into the nothingness. Some get absorbed and transformed by nature.
I also want to ask you not to feel like you have to answer to me right away. It's not social call. Write when you need this connection. You are always welcome to write anytime. But no obligations to be quick in reply. Agreed?
Big hug. Wish you lots of success in all areas of your life.
I'm happy to know your creativity started to flow. It's wonderful! That means you are doing the right kind of work on clearing and releasing old blocks and shackles. Creativity is a light energy. The more you release heavy stuff, the more you get the energy. Some can be released into music. Some into the nothingness. Some get absorbed and transformed by nature.
I also want to ask you not to feel like you have to answer to me right away. It's not social call. Write when you need this connection. You are always welcome to write anytime. But no obligations to be quick in reply. Agreed?
Big hug. Wish you lots of success in all areas of your life.
Night Thanks again for that message, bless you dear Night. Glad that it's okay and you don't mind me messaging you about this stuff now and then, would be great to keep in touch with you.
Yes agreed No obligation to reply quickly etc.
Still feel like it's an uphill battle sometimes to forgive myself, but when these feelings come back which they still do sometimes I go back and read your message which is always a great help, a real blessing..
Still got a while to go untill I can get the computer sorted, the thing won't download at the mo.. I follow the instructions and allegedly windows should automatically pop up with a "set up wizard" that shows you the steps to go through, and guess what, nothing happens! Found this a lot with technology, says it will do this or that but when you try it's nothing like what the instructions say. Glad I know an actual wizard lol, the techy older bloke who actually has an impressive beard.. Goin to get him on the case hopefully.
Luckily I do find the music sequencing programmes and keyboard straight forward and they are way more intuitive to learn (most of the time), but Windows is really annoying! Not sure if this is me being thick or it is actually over complicated and frustrating, probably a bit of both. All well.. Will get there.
Massive hug. Thanks again for your help X
Yes agreed No obligation to reply quickly etc.
Still feel like it's an uphill battle sometimes to forgive myself, but when these feelings come back which they still do sometimes I go back and read your message which is always a great help, a real blessing..
Still got a while to go untill I can get the computer sorted, the thing won't download at the mo.. I follow the instructions and allegedly windows should automatically pop up with a "set up wizard" that shows you the steps to go through, and guess what, nothing happens! Found this a lot with technology, says it will do this or that but when you try it's nothing like what the instructions say. Glad I know an actual wizard lol, the techy older bloke who actually has an impressive beard.. Goin to get him on the case hopefully.
Luckily I do find the music sequencing programmes and keyboard straight forward and they are way more intuitive to learn (most of the time), but Windows is really annoying! Not sure if this is me being thick or it is actually over complicated and frustrating, probably a bit of both. All well.. Will get there.
Massive hug. Thanks again for your help X
Happy poo Technology is constantly changing, evolving and gets more complicated, can be hard to keep up. I was changing cell phone services for our family. First one went so smoothly, that I didn't even pay attention. Second one didn't budge. Had to give it to my daughter. Told her, it's your phone, figure it out. But the 3d one for my husband... ugh . He has a very old phone but got used to it and wanted to keep it. Many new networks are not compatible with it. I felt so helpless that couldn't figure out how to make it work. But the phone company I chose helped me over the phone as long as I had all the info ready. Took me step by step. Took almost an hour. But he now has cheap and unlimited service unlike his previous one " we set it up for you in store and do all the tedious job but take your kidney for it in return" . Is there contact phone for customer support on your product? Don't hesitate to call. Good luck. Hope it works out soon.
Totally know how you feel about the phone lol..
I've had a look for a number and there is one for the DAW Ableton, in Germany, will give it a go.
Sorry should have said it did download but the set up thing didn't install it on the computer and it wasn't obvious about how to extract the files or something like that, but I'll work it out eventually.
The Gandalf guy is happy with helping out too, seems like a good chap so far, and I could def do with some tips about computers in general although I'm more wary of folk now due to recent experiences, get on with him well though as in having good chats about philosophy and what's happening..And computers have never been a strong point, would be really good to get some help with this hopefully..
Still getting used to the keyboard too and it's hard to get the kind sound that you can hear in the mind.
I've got another keyboard too which is a beautiful reproduction of a classic analog machine that was renowned for songs in the 80', and can connect this to the other one which acts as a midi controller (whatever that is), when I work out how to connect it.
The analog one is a whole other world of sound, where you can make sounds from scratch that sound warm, beautiful and very hard to reproduce with digital alone, will take a while to learn it but it sounds amazing. Hoping I can get to grips with this eventually too and will be able to get something more like the kind of sound I imagine. Just glad to have it, and to be able to have made a start on some songs at least!
Take care, hope all is well with you? And your daughter And again, thanks for the advice it's very much appreciated X
I've had a look for a number and there is one for the DAW Ableton, in Germany, will give it a go.
Sorry should have said it did download but the set up thing didn't install it on the computer and it wasn't obvious about how to extract the files or something like that, but I'll work it out eventually.
The Gandalf guy is happy with helping out too, seems like a good chap so far, and I could def do with some tips about computers in general although I'm more wary of folk now due to recent experiences, get on with him well though as in having good chats about philosophy and what's happening..And computers have never been a strong point, would be really good to get some help with this hopefully..
Still getting used to the keyboard too and it's hard to get the kind sound that you can hear in the mind.
I've got another keyboard too which is a beautiful reproduction of a classic analog machine that was renowned for songs in the 80', and can connect this to the other one which acts as a midi controller (whatever that is), when I work out how to connect it.
The analog one is a whole other world of sound, where you can make sounds from scratch that sound warm, beautiful and very hard to reproduce with digital alone, will take a while to learn it but it sounds amazing. Hoping I can get to grips with this eventually too and will be able to get something more like the kind of sound I imagine. Just glad to have it, and to be able to have made a start on some songs at least!
Take care, hope all is well with you? And your daughter And again, thanks for the advice it's very much appreciated X
Happy poo sounds like lots of projects but they are all exciting. It's great to learn new things that connect to your passion. I'm very happy for you. Even if you get frustrated at times, it's a learning curve. Be kind to yourself, enjoy the process, be patient. It's good to grind at things sometimes. Useful skill. Just remember to pat yourself of the back at the end of the day. You are taking steps and honoring your passion, your creativity, and learning new things every day and overcoming challenges!
We are at the countdown to bday and then Christmas and then New Year (the last one is my favorite holiday ). Happy times. Enjoying little things. A bit late this year but in a process of gingerbread house making. Last year we did a spectacular 2 floor fancy house with indoor lights and even made a gingerbread Christmas tree that was inside grand room with lots of windows out of sheets of gelatin. I don't think we can outdo ourselves this year and want to scale back a bit and do something more simple. The final result is not that important. I love that we do it together with my daughter since she was little. Building memories.
We are at the countdown to bday and then Christmas and then New Year (the last one is my favorite holiday ). Happy times. Enjoying little things. A bit late this year but in a process of gingerbread house making. Last year we did a spectacular 2 floor fancy house with indoor lights and even made a gingerbread Christmas tree that was inside grand room with lots of windows out of sheets of gelatin. I don't think we can outdo ourselves this year and want to scale back a bit and do something more simple. The final result is not that important. I love that we do it together with my daughter since she was little. Building memories.
Wow that sounds lovely! Thanks for sharing with me.
Did a video message with this tacky Christmas scene lol. Hope you don't mind me sending a video now and then.. Bit of a delay had an odd couple of days but feeling a bit better now.
It's really lovely to hear you are well and having such a wonderful time making that together!
The off button on my tablet has stopped working with videos for some reason must be a glitch, the video doesn't cut off for ages but left it in cause it made me giggle.
Anyway hope all is well X
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Did a video message with this tacky Christmas scene lol. Hope you don't mind me sending a video now and then.. Bit of a delay had an odd couple of days but feeling a bit better now.
It's really lovely to hear you are well and having such a wonderful time making that together!
The off button on my tablet has stopped working with videos for some reason must be a glitch, the video doesn't cut off for ages but left it in cause it made me giggle.
Anyway hope all is well X
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Happy poo awe I love your message! The Christmas scene did make me giggle.It does have that effect. Its old fashioned and nostalgic. But its also unique.
No one I know has anything similar to it. I really enjoy the sound of your voice. Very soothing and sweet. I know what you mean about voice vs text message. Texting forces us to be more about the message, the words, and voice conversation can bring in colors, intonations, subtleties of the mood. Your fireplace gives out a very cozy and inviting vibe.
Both I and my daughter love cooking. She calls it stress release. So she will gladly do any kind, including baking sweets (and then not eating it) .she doesn't like sweets. She only likes really strong dark chocolate. The more bitter , the better. I, on the other hand, don't like chocolate of any kind. But I do like white creamy sweets or the ones that hold diff textures, like cream Brule with bitter hard burned sugar crust or Raffaello candy (not very popular in our local markets. Have to order it online). But savory cooking is essential skill for saving health and money.
Thank you for your sweet message. Big hug.
No one I know has anything similar to it. I really enjoy the sound of your voice. Very soothing and sweet. I know what you mean about voice vs text message. Texting forces us to be more about the message, the words, and voice conversation can bring in colors, intonations, subtleties of the mood. Your fireplace gives out a very cozy and inviting vibe.
Both I and my daughter love cooking. She calls it stress release. So she will gladly do any kind, including baking sweets (and then not eating it) .she doesn't like sweets. She only likes really strong dark chocolate. The more bitter , the better. I, on the other hand, don't like chocolate of any kind. But I do like white creamy sweets or the ones that hold diff textures, like cream Brule with bitter hard burned sugar crust or Raffaello candy (not very popular in our local markets. Have to order it online). But savory cooking is essential skill for saving health and money.
Thank you for your sweet message. Big hug.
Happy poo I'm sorry to hear that you lost your mom around this time. And of course, don't push yourself too hard. It's good to take breaks now and then. We need breaks to rest, regroup, think over, and sometimes just to be. I wish I could be more of use to you. It would be nice to invite you over for a cup of something warm, a chat and a hug.
Night Thanks for saying that. Your messages are always a great help!
And also for your compliment about my voice, communication has actually been a big weakness over the years, used to sound harsh, rude sometimes especially when I got impatient with my mum.
This must have been awful for her at the time..It Had to change.
Spent time recording voice messages and realised how bad I sounded, listened back to them until it sounded calmer, softer than before but I've still got a lot of work to do with it..Still play messages back to try and improve it. But at least I could be of some help to her this way, even if it was very late to change.
I only have God to thank for that, only after praying. And just think that I need to be more grateful in general sometimes, especially with all the stuff going on in the world right now.
Anyway.. Your daughter sounds so much more mature than I was at that age lol, when younger I loved anything sweet, cake chocolates sweets etc. I'm better now but still have a weak spot for honey, especially honeydew it's lovely and I tell myself it's okay because of the antibacterial stuff in it but should def cut down still Creme brule is one of my faves. Bought loads of mince pies and stollen cake but decided to give them away as I just can't handle eating it anymore which is probably a good thing, am allowed a small bit of Christmas pudding though lol.
Cooking is something mum and I used to do a lot from when we were kids, so I do enjoy making good food at least, although there's no way I could bake something then not eat it! (Not great with baking anyway), used make these kind of stone age cakes which spelt flour etc that are very heavy and stodgy. Can't eat that now either.
Anyway big hug back to you, wish we could chat over a nice cup of tea! Take care and thanks again X
And also for your compliment about my voice, communication has actually been a big weakness over the years, used to sound harsh, rude sometimes especially when I got impatient with my mum.
This must have been awful for her at the time..It Had to change.
Spent time recording voice messages and realised how bad I sounded, listened back to them until it sounded calmer, softer than before but I've still got a lot of work to do with it..Still play messages back to try and improve it. But at least I could be of some help to her this way, even if it was very late to change.
I only have God to thank for that, only after praying. And just think that I need to be more grateful in general sometimes, especially with all the stuff going on in the world right now.
Anyway.. Your daughter sounds so much more mature than I was at that age lol, when younger I loved anything sweet, cake chocolates sweets etc. I'm better now but still have a weak spot for honey, especially honeydew it's lovely and I tell myself it's okay because of the antibacterial stuff in it but should def cut down still Creme brule is one of my faves. Bought loads of mince pies and stollen cake but decided to give them away as I just can't handle eating it anymore which is probably a good thing, am allowed a small bit of Christmas pudding though lol.
Cooking is something mum and I used to do a lot from when we were kids, so I do enjoy making good food at least, although there's no way I could bake something then not eat it! (Not great with baking anyway), used make these kind of stone age cakes which spelt flour etc that are very heavy and stodgy. Can't eat that now either.
Anyway big hug back to you, wish we could chat over a nice cup of tea! Take care and thanks again X
Sorry should have said prayed to the Universe, not "God" in terms of mainstream religions if you know what I mean.. Anyway have a wonderful Christmas and lots of love to you both 🎄X
Happy Christmas to you too, my friend. We are in the middle of birthday celebration. Took her to one in a kind Harry Potter store in NYC. She is excited to see a lot of original props. I think she is one of those very geeky people who will never grow out of their first fantasy movie. Anyway, it' makes her happy and I haven't stopped smiling since we got here seeing her enthusiasm and joy. Have a happy and merry holidays. Connect to people. Find reasons to smile. Big hug.
Night Hi thanks so much for your message and getting back to me so quickly! I'm still working on the music, got around 5 songs recorded I'm working on at the moment but they're just instrumental, still need to work out how to record vocals and guitar though. Need to make it a bit more Rock! :D And I've got to work out how to convert a WAV file to an MP3 so i can share them with decent sound quality.
I've been a bit distracted with money worries though, honestly last couple of years have been a real struggle after ending my relationship, and cost of living here/work situation is difficult but I'm definitely not alone, many people are in a more precarious situation so I'm still grateful in lots of ways.
Although it's been hard to focus on anything creative with these worries but i guess it's just part of the challenge, so I've got to stay positive and know that somehow I'll find a way with hard work. Somehow. Anyway how you doing? How is your daughter? Big hug back. Lots of love X
I've been a bit distracted with money worries though, honestly last couple of years have been a real struggle after ending my relationship, and cost of living here/work situation is difficult but I'm definitely not alone, many people are in a more precarious situation so I'm still grateful in lots of ways.
Although it's been hard to focus on anything creative with these worries but i guess it's just part of the challenge, so I've got to stay positive and know that somehow I'll find a way with hard work. Somehow. Anyway how you doing? How is your daughter? Big hug back. Lots of love X
Buffalo_Ken Hi mate, good to see you round, thank you for your message, nice surprise!.. Happy new year back to you too!
I've not been networking as much here but still very much enjoy reading your SOTT posts.. All the best my friend and thanks again
I've not been networking as much here but still very much enjoy reading your SOTT posts.. All the best my friend and thanks again
Happy poo Dear friend, 5 songs is a great progress! Happy to hear you are honoring your passion and creativity. It's not easy to do it along, when you don't have a team of professionals and it's all on you. Financially we have all been hit hard this year. But you are right, we have to count our blessings no matter what, there is always someone who has a much harder burden. My daughter is graduating school this year and looking at physics and engineering programs in UK and Germany. She decided she wants to study abroad, be independent (she already works and saves money for college), see the world, learn languages and meet different people. Germany would be the most affordable as there is no tuition and living expenses are much lower compared to New York. I support her, but many family members are pretty negative about her choice and she lets it get to her at times. She is young, she'll learn to toughen up.
Wish this year things turn around for you to the better and you have many reasons to be grateful for. Peace, love, abundance and health.
Wish this year things turn around for you to the better and you have many reasons to be grateful for. Peace, love, abundance and health.
Night Hi thanks for getting back to me so quickly once again, apologies for the delay! I've been away from home Xmas /New year visiting family which was really lovely, then went to stay with a friend but not just for social reasons, was hoping to find someone to work/connect with but it turned out to be not what i was expecting. There were definitely some good things for which I'm very thankful, but it definitely tired me out and took a while to get my head together.
So it's taken even longer than usual for me to write a message lol, and sometimes I'm not sure what to write or how to write it
Been making some nice soups and decent food though for a couple of days so I'm feeling better now.
It's lovely to hear that your daughter is studying engineering, wish I'd have been like her at that age! I don't know much about Germany.. UK universities are good for engineering as far as I know but I'm finding the job market is more difficult than ever, although high end skills may be more promising here and we do seem to be lacking some of them .. Anyway best of luck to her and for the future, it just sounds like a very positive and promising thing to do.
Thanks for all your encouraging words about the songs too, i actually felt the opposite! It's really good to hear an outside opinion to get things in perspective.
I may do some volunteering at a music shop to see if i can gain more knowledge hopefully, and you are totally right it's hard to do it alone, didn't actually think of it like that.
And I very much hope that this year is going to be a good one for you and your daughter!
Take care, and lots of love again. Thank you again 💕
So it's taken even longer than usual for me to write a message lol, and sometimes I'm not sure what to write or how to write it
Been making some nice soups and decent food though for a couple of days so I'm feeling better now.
It's lovely to hear that your daughter is studying engineering, wish I'd have been like her at that age! I don't know much about Germany.. UK universities are good for engineering as far as I know but I'm finding the job market is more difficult than ever, although high end skills may be more promising here and we do seem to be lacking some of them .. Anyway best of luck to her and for the future, it just sounds like a very positive and promising thing to do.
Thanks for all your encouraging words about the songs too, i actually felt the opposite! It's really good to hear an outside opinion to get things in perspective.
I may do some volunteering at a music shop to see if i can gain more knowledge hopefully, and you are totally right it's hard to do it alone, didn't actually think of it like that.
And I very much hope that this year is going to be a good one for you and your daughter!
Take care, and lots of love again. Thank you again 💕
Happy poo Dear friend, thank you for your letter, for your kind words and no need to explain the delay. We can be busy with life, work, health ... You write when you have time to write.
You are absolutely right about the job market. I think its hard pretty much everywhere now. But decision to study far from home stems from mostly economical reasons. It's very expensive here and I don't want my daughter to take up student loans. Who knows what future holds, but having a debt is not very promising for a good future. And the way American education goes... a sad deal. 4 years of bachelor is pretty much a waste of time as you don't learn much and any good job will require masters degree (which is even more expensive than bachelor).
There are so much information online , I'm sure you can find something that can be useful for you. I often start with chatGPT , it can really guide you with good advice and tons of info tailored to your needs if you ask precise questions. Youtube tutorials are also excellent though I never searched for music making info. Acknowledging your own success (regardless if big or small ) is as important as setting realistic goals. Maybe it would help to team up with someone who is also struggling to make music alone? I'm rooting for you , my friend. I hope you find a good and well paying job. Best of luck.
by the way, your letters always have sweet undertone to them. Your gentle nature comes through no matter what you write. I hope you have someone special who appreciates that (or will have soon). Big hug.
You are absolutely right about the job market. I think its hard pretty much everywhere now. But decision to study far from home stems from mostly economical reasons. It's very expensive here and I don't want my daughter to take up student loans. Who knows what future holds, but having a debt is not very promising for a good future. And the way American education goes... a sad deal. 4 years of bachelor is pretty much a waste of time as you don't learn much and any good job will require masters degree (which is even more expensive than bachelor).
There are so much information online , I'm sure you can find something that can be useful for you. I often start with chatGPT , it can really guide you with good advice and tons of info tailored to your needs if you ask precise questions. Youtube tutorials are also excellent though I never searched for music making info. Acknowledging your own success (regardless if big or small ) is as important as setting realistic goals. Maybe it would help to team up with someone who is also struggling to make music alone? I'm rooting for you , my friend. I hope you find a good and well paying job. Best of luck.
by the way, your letters always have sweet undertone to them. Your gentle nature comes through no matter what you write. I hope you have someone special who appreciates that (or will have soon). Big hug.
I believe no matter how someone else is, to treat them good while not allowing them to use me. So I'll go things accordingly with my heart, do what I think is right regardless if other person thinks it's enough or not. Truly, you can never do enough for some. And that's OK, and it's their problem. Not my task to convince them of anything. Also not to have expectations they will treat me better because of things I did for them. Also someone said (sorry, never remember who's famous lines are). When someone shows you who they are, believe them. We often want to see something else in people, often it's simply not there. But stubbornly we hope to see that good side in them
the next time anyway.
No matter how much, let's say a parent, damaged a child. When that child grows up, his parent can't undo the damage or make it somehow better. It's up to that grown up child now to fix his wounds. That's the only way. And the only way to make it fair (for whose who feel it's not), you can start by giving your child the best start in life by not inflicting the damage. And the only way to do it is by tending to your own pain first and grow as a person.
I do hope you heal fast and take care of yourself before anyone else. And say no when it's in your heart to say no. Because every time you say no to others (even loved ones) when you don't want to do something, you say yes to yourself, you value yourself, and you treat yourself with respect.
I know you are in England. But we are celebrating Thanksgiving here. I'm in New York. You are in my thanks for having a friend across the ocean. Stay well, my friend. Build your happiness.