War Criminal
© Evening Standard
Bona fide war criminal, Tony Blair, has said that a ground war against Islamic State will make everything cool again.

Airstrikes alone are not enough claimed the former prime minister, who was recently hospitalised after prodding a hornet's nest with a large stick.

Blair said ISIS, otherwise known as Daesh or ISIL, had to be tackled before it decides to change its name again.

However, experts insist Blair is trying to deflect attention from the Chilcot report, which has taken more than eight years to place the words "murdering" and "c*nt" next to each other.

Blair said, "Thanks to Tony's war, Iraq is now a thriving, prosperous magnet for urban professionals who are hell bent on getting along with their neighbour.

"Thanks to my military adventures, the last mass slaughter on European soil was more than seven weeks ago.

"Seven whole weeks!"

He added: "We have learnt from the lessons of the past, and that lesson is basically to kill all the brown guys.

"It's that simple."