Oldschool Left: Israel is America's colonial spearhead! We need to support our comrades in the Klassenkampf against capitalist imperialism! Ho-Ho-Ho-Chi-Minh!

New Left: Palestinians are an oppressed people, but Jews are even more oppressed! Antisemitism is worse than Islamophobia! We stand with Israel!

Woke Left: Someone posted a Palestinian LGBT pride flag and there are climate change activists marching alongside Palestinians somewhere! They are our friends! We support them!

Center Right: Someone posted a Palestinian LGBT pride flag and there are climate change activists marching alongside Palestinians somewhere! They are our enemies! We hate them!

German Woke Left: Someone posted a Palestinian LGBT climate pride flag etc. but we can't go along with that because we are German and for once the authorities would turn against us, so now we're f*cked!

Center Left: Israel is a nice democracy with gay rights and rave clubs! They even have a socialist welfare state! We with Israel!

Neocon: Bombing for peace is a great concept, and it always works! Let's use this to start 5 more wars!

Conserva-tard: Every group is only "hypothetically" oppressed and shouldn't play the group identity card to claim special rights — except Zionist extremists, of course!

Post-9/11 Boomercon: Muslims are backwards and anti-liberal terrrerists by definition, it's all in the Quran! But also they hate us for our freedom! Ergo it's good to kill them before they kill us!

Wannabe Übermensch: It's just about the will to power bro, so if someone in the Middle East destroys someone else, that's awright, who cares. Damn you and your slave morality.

Western civ bro: OK, we are pretty degenerated here and probably will fall Rome-style, but also let's build a new elite — and for that we need oil!

Anti-woke Theorist: The whole pro-Palestinian movement is obviously the fault of... Hegel. That old neo-Marxist bastard.

Systems Theorist: According to some obscure German thinkers, technology as a "secondary system" (H. Freyer) develops a life of its own of planetary proportions, so the whole ME conflict is teleologically determined by emergent dialectical agents bla blubb maybe we are doomed, maybe not.

Honest-to-God-Antisemite: I told ya that the Joos are at it for millennia! But also I don't like brown people, so what gives.

Populist Right: We can't handle more mass immigration from Muslim countries! Therefore it's a great idea to forcefully relocate Palestinians. I'm sure they will never show up in Europe. If we only politely ask Egypt to take them! Or maybe Turkey?

Christian Zionist: I have no clue how we went from the New Covenant to a 19th century idea of an Israeli nation, modelled after modern social democracies and communist communities, ushering in the Second Coming. But hey, sounds good enough. To Greater Israel!

Libtard: Have you guys decided yet what's the next Current Thing? Please, my black-and-white brain can't compute the ideological fault lines here!

Common-sense & common-decency dude: ...