Don't Panic! Lighten Up!

Zelensky disappointed to learn Orlando Bloom not actually a fearsome elf warrior

The Babylon Bee
Mon, 27 Mar 2023 19:09 UTC

Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky reportedly had difficulty concealing his disappointment today after meeting Orlando Bloom and finding out he is not actually a fearsome elf warrior.

"This is not what I expected," Zelensky was overheard telling his aides when the actor arrived. "I told you I wanted to meet Legolas. Where are the pointy ears? The long, flowing blonde hair? He is not even carrying a bow and arrows! I wanted the fierce elven warrior to inflict heavy casualties on the Russian army, not this effeminate man with whispy facial hair! I was at least hoping to have access to some mithril to armor my soldiers!"

The Lord of the Rings star became the latest in many Hollywood entertainers who have made public relations pilgrimages to pay homage to the Ukrainian President. "It is truly a great honor to meet the great President Zelesnky," Bloom said to reporters who were brought in to document the meeting. "I came here to show respect and support for Ukraine and also to remind people that I'm alive and that I have not retired from acting and would greatly appreciate a job. Please contact my agent for casting calls!"

Zelensky managed to maintain decorum and politeness when interacting with Bloom but was clearly depressed that his plan to have an elite elven fighting machine as his army's secret weapon would not be realized.

At publishing time, Zelensky was relieved to have completed his meeting with Bloom and was later heard telling his aides that he wanted to move to "Plan B," which is believed to be flying in Liam Neeson and Keanu Reeves.

Reader Comments

Joan · 2023-03-28T21:42:02Z

Reminds me of this video clip from LOTR

Lord of the rings, the fight of the ghost warriors

[Link]
It begs the question..Who are the Ghost Warriors in Ukraine? Truth is stranger than fiction, so the old adage goes.

codis · 2023-03-29T11:02:25Z

Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky reportedly had difficulty concealing his disappointment today after meeting Orlando Bloom and finding out he is not actually a fearsome elf warrior.

I assume this BB article is based upon the reality that Bloom actually supports the UkroNazis, and he met with *elensky.

Which does not help to revise my opinion of actors in general and Hollywood celebs in particular - I still think they are empty shells.

DeliciousTears · 2023-03-29T16:21:17Z

codis Empty shells and/or just incredibly stupid.

azigzagidiot · 2023-03-30T20:27:00Z

codis Bloom and Katy Perry now own Braggs live foods products, fyi.

Buffalo_Ken · 2023-03-30T20:46:41Z

azigzagidiot - did you know that even now when you try to get some info on the effing "side-bar" there is this question regarding cookies and whatnot and one has to agree with this or that - what an effing gd waste of electrons that all is.....eff me. Too many rules in the shed.

Fort Bragg in NC ought just keep its namesake.

Truly, when I'm surfing the web, for fuck sake, do I have to agree every time - is that not some stupid EU rule? I think it is and it is wasteful - just like the EU is TOAST.

BK

Buffalo_Ken · 2023-03-30T20:49:04Z

azigzagidiot - I'll tell you this also - there are many shapes that don't repeat - it ain't that complicated.

azigzagidiot · 2023-03-30T21:11:47Z

Buffalo_Ken the side bar here, or elsewhere on the interwebs? I dunno about the dance of electrons, unclear if any are ever wasted. Likely some excess heat, work, from the excitations.

The cookie consent bonanza is not new to me.. there is something about EU rules, and I've seen different offers or more straight-forward "Reject All" offers on European sites, as I recall. Re: shapes that don't repeat, did you see the article on "einstein" or one-stone tiling? 13-sided tiles..

Buffalo_Ken · 2023-03-30T21:56:32Z

azigzagidiot - I saw the article and the EU it TOAST. Eff the EU all the effing EU effing rules of effing idgits elitist pathetic hateful losers.

Did you notice all the hexagons in that supposed "non-repeating" pattern? Non-repeating patterns are a dime a dozen. DUH.

After the EU goes down, I reckon the UK goes next, and then after that....well, life is a mystery ain't it?

codis · 2023-03-31T05:54:12Z

azigzagidiot Seems a relatively small company. One I never heard of before. Just saying ...

azigzagidiot · 2023-03-31T18:19:57Z

codis It's an old U.S. natural foods company, a large (the largest?) producer of Apple Cider Vinegar. Perry's parents were pastors at Patricia Bragg's church, and when she wanted to retire her and Bloom gathered with some other investors to buy the company. The two supposedly bonded early on about health foods like ACV they were passionate about.. What they have to sell out to in the music and entertainment biz, like the kind of Illuminati symbols Perry has to or I imagine is directed to display at shows, God help them, but maybe they are people not just shells. Bloom meeting with Z is off-putting to me, too, and going to be buying Kirkland (Costco) brand ACV instead.

Buffalo_Ken It's noticeable the shapes are 8/6 slices of hexagons hexagons in the background

EU free travel deal is laudable, like the freedom to travel in the U.S. As for the elitist bEurocRats

Buffalo_Ken · 2023-03-31T18:37:34Z

azigzagidiot - zig zag.....that is what I saw as well - basically a "fabricated" shape within a simple background of hexagons connected like hexagons (and only hexagons?) do....that is why hexagons are so special in my book. You know I've wondered - how hard would it be to have some "arcs" (with curvature) on the supposed non-repeating shape? That might be more interesting, but to me it seems like mathematical masturbation.

Now, let me go down into my garage and I'll tell you the name of the apple cider vinegar I purchased at Costco the time before last I went there.....I went there today, but I didn't buy any more of that.....anyhow....give me a moment please.....

~

OK, I'm back with a bottle of it. It says: "North Coast" Since 1922. RAW Unfiltered Apple Cider Vinegar. The company is apparently out of Sonama County, California - hey ain't that the place where there are some vineyards? I think so, but maybe I'm confusing it with another county in California where the grapes grow well.....I've been there you know and I think that is the county known for wine and my significant other and I toured some of the vineyards and tasted some of the product.....but little did I know till just now thanks to you that there is a company been there since 1922 that makes RAW apple cider vinegar.....I hope they make apple cider as well, and really they ought make some of that hard cider beverage that sometimes really hits the spot for me!

Warm Regards,

Ken

Buffalo_Ken · 2023-03-31T18:47:13Z

codis - here is the company.

[Link] - since 1912 supposedly.

I think I've purchased their products before, but I think I agree with zig zag - if these effing hollywood types are going to be purchasing food product companies, then I reckon I will boycott them as well - add them to the list. Apparently, the other brand I mentioned must be one of their competitors in the apple cider vinegar market, and with that said, I will add, my mother-in-law, god rest her soul, considered apple cider vinegar as sort of the remedy for so many maladies......I really miss her, but sometimes she was off-base just like her daughter can be.....oh well, we all get off-base sometimes....

Ken

Buffalo_Ken · 2023-03-31T18:52:47Z

Buffalo_Ken - now, for the fun of it, lets take a little trip down the rabbit hole with focus on the word, the name - "Bragg".

Here are the 3 things that come to mind.

1. You got the Bragg name associated with apple cider vinegar.

2. You got the Bragg fella just sent out a grand jury indictment.

3. You got Fort Bragg in NC whose name they want to change just because he was on the side that "lost".

~

I'll tell you something else that might seem like a tangent, but I don't think so. You got Summerville, SC just outside of Charleston, and there is an entity there that facilitates various financial transactions kind of outside the books of law and regulation......something about that is really smelly to me and if you want to know more, I'll provide a link with details.

BK

* ps - check this out if interested: [Link] - "ATI" out of Summerville, SC

azigzagidiot · 2023-03-31T19:29:47Z

Buffalo_Ken Yeah, Sonoma county is famous for vineyards, wine-makers. NC formed 10 years later and 7hrs. north... Of course Costco would ship ACV from West to East Coast if there's demand

That Bragg fellow I did not know. He has a fat head, and I mean extracranially.

What are the dealings in Carolina? 👍 link

Buffalo_Ken · 2023-03-31T19:59:51Z

azigzagidiot - as for the dealings in NC, you will just have to come here and visit for me to share more on that, but I've been in this state for a long time and I have friends. As for the dealings in SC, I got a bad feeling about that place, and I have for a long time and I've gone on the record stating as such. As for the entity, ATI, out of Summerville, SC - I think it is high time for it to get some scrutiny.

codis · 2023-04-01T07:54:43Z

azigzagidiot So, Bragg is not really relevant to me. I guess the exports to Europe amount to zero ...

Just interesting to see. Seems they are into the health / bio food fad.

... like the kind of Illuminati symbols Perry has to or I imagine is directed to display at shows ...

Oh yes, I read about that. The "entertainment" industry is filled with satanism, and pledging allegiance (a.k.a. "selling your soul") is supposedly required condition to rise to the top.

Buffalo_Ken · 2023-03-30T15:05:55Z

I'm idling presently....just waiting....seems to be a quiet day...not much happening...so why not tell a short story on the " Don't Panic! Lighten Up " thread (probably where I belong). OK, the name of the story is "The Bottle".....on the fly.

~

The Bottle

Act 1: The Offer

I got a neighbor; she had a bottle leftover.

One of those bottles with its own cap.

She knew I liked that sort of bottle or at least I used to when I shared homebrew with this neighbor and her husband.

She sent me a picture, and I said, oh yes , I'm interested.

When I was walking my dog the next day, I went to the porch and got the bottle where she said it would be per the picture.

It was a seamless transaction done between neighbors with good will for each other.

Act 2: The Friendly Brewer

I got a friend; he is a brewer.

I sent him a picture of the bottle and reminded him that he said not long ago he was gonna bring me some porter.

Turns out he was visiting the dermatologist the very next day and the office is close by to my place, so I said come on over.

He said, "ok", I'll come over for lunch and bring the beers....then I'll take what you cook and the bottle as well.

I said splendid it will be good to see an old work friend, and I cooked up some fine burgers and thrice baked potatoes.

We had a good time on the back screened porch, laughed some, ate together, and I drank a few of his home brew porters.

I rated them favorable and still have one left over.

I gave him the bottle in the picture as well as some others that I have from the old days - maybe I'll brew again maybe not.

All, in all it was fun to reminisce, and I did conduct a bit of official business.

I didn't interrogate him, it was all up-and-up, but I did pick his brain a bit and he didn't mind.

Act 3: Appreciation and an Offer in Return

(story - to be continued.....)

~~~~~~~~~~~

Now, *elensky and other hollywood types truly get on my nerves lately. (for the sake of being "on-topic").

Pub is open for a brief amount of time. Tell me what drink metaphorical you want - I'm here to tend.

~~~~

Drinks and chatting and betting theory at the pub!

BK

Buffalo_Ken · 2023-03-30T18:21:40Z

Buffalo_Ken - OK, I had no patrons, so I just did our taxes....good news is we don't owe anything. So, here is "Act 3" and then the pub is closed for the day.

~

The Bottle

Act 3: Appreciation and an Offer in Return

I got respect; one good offer deserves another.

I contacted the neighbor and expressed my appreciation.

I don't know if I told her about the Brewer, but what difference does it make - I appreciated the offer and I got the bottle.

I gave the bottle to somebody who could put it to good use more than I could and who had some porter I desired.

So seems like it was a win-win-win

I said to the neighbor - I have an "offer" I'd like to make to you

It has to do with your son.

I told her the offer, it was expressed cordial and I doubt she will take me up on it,

but I made it in good faith.

It could be another win-win-win.

That is how I like to interact.

~~~~~~

well, the story may be over or there may be more acts, but I'm not sure.

Pub closed for the day - see you later.

BK

33023 1421

azigzagidiot · 2023-03-30T21:14:04Z

Buffalo_Ken This pub serves fine burgers and thrice -baked potatoes, amazing.

Buffalo_Ken · 2023-03-31T17:42:04Z

azigzagidiot - recipe for "thrice-baked" potatoes:

1. Take any ole potato, a few them not rotten, and cut them into varying sizes with the skin still on.

2. Apply seasoning and a small amount of olive oil or equivalent.

3. Cook in over at around 350 F for about 45 minutes.....let them mellow.

4. Stir them a bit, then cook them again for 30 minutes.....let them mellow.

5. Don't stir them again, but cook them again for 30 minutes.

~

Seriously easy and tasty especially with a big thick burger patty cooked on the grill at high temperature ~8 minutes on each side or thereabouts - don't dry the burger out and enjoy!

azigzagidiot · 2023-03-31T19:15:28Z

Buffalo_Ken Bonhomme rice:

..(it's actually easy)

-2 c. long or short grain white rice

-4 c. water

-3 tsp. red curry powder

-1 tsp. ginger powder

-1 tsp. NaCl table salt

-1 tsp. KCl "No-Salt"

-2 tsp.-1Tbsp. coconut oil

-fresh ground pepper to taste (1 tsp.)

Add water to small but at least 2 qt. pot, set heat to high. Faster than humanly possible, add rice, Salt and "No-Salt", stir. Add coconut oil and stir to dissolve, then add curry and ginger powder. Then if you've done it right (at super-human speed) grind in the fresh pepper, stir, flatten out the rice you can't see, and cover. Once to a good boil, uncover and stir again, and even out the rice under there. Then cover and cook on low, low-med. to simmer for 20 minutes. After 20 minutes remove from heat, uncover and stir thoroughly, then re-cover and let stand off heat for 10 minutes to absorb all water. Bon appétit!

Buffalo_Ken · 2023-03-31T19:57:36Z

azigzagidiot - oh crap that was awesome until I saw the word "coconut" - me and my body personal, me and my body had a bad experience with coconut, so I'll substitute something else, but the recipe looks good to me.

Sometimes, not kidding, I think to myself - I need some rice.....there must be a reason why my body wants it?

Zig zag, zagging and zigging and swerving and curving and moving and thinking.....

The times are exciting - are they not!

It feels good to be alive.

Ken

azigzagidiot · 2023-03-31T21:40:53Z

Buffalo_Ken Coconut oil, being just oil would likely be mild, but tallow or butter may be even better as they have some emulsifiers that help tie everything together. Mixing in some lecithin with c.o. is also an option. I dunno, I think we seem to need glucose in circulation, and seems well founded to supply some with rice or potatoes(:a good source of potassium).

I wonder about this curve you propose over the background surface. In physics, an "action" is like a mathematical description of the course or trajectory something takes. There is some difficulty in defining it over an unusal or chaotic background.. An interesting study would be to look at "Polyakov action": how he was able to develop an expression for a "string" on a disordered Liouville background (in 2-D: it is difficult to understand).. I don't know about mathematical "masturbation", because if the math works or points to something, that often precedes the application for it that other sciences can use.

Buffalo_Ken · 2023-03-31T22:33:11Z

azigzagidiot - I'll look into that. When I say "mm" maybe it was Baybars planted the seed of that thought, but all I'm saying is that it is playing seeking solutions to a problem that doesn't exist when solutions to problems that do exist are beckoning. Just like Odessa.

VooDoo6 · 2023-03-30T18:08:42Z

Shil-lebrity Circus Show theatre of the absurd. 🤡🎪

VooDoo6 · 2023-03-30T19:06:09Z

More Shil-lebrity re-gab - Elon Musk (aka Tony Stark) to save the day …. 🤡💩🎪

The SpaceX and Tesla chief has risen to the top spot several months after purchasing Twitter in a multi-billion dollar deal [Link]
Hyperdrive @ Mach 10 Social Engineering predictable programming

Twitter’s owner and chief executive Elon Musk usurped former US president Barack Obama as the most-followed person on the social media platform when he reached approximately 133.08 million followers on Thursday.

Buffalo_Ken · 2023-03-30T19:17:36Z

VooDoo6 - I hope he doesn't let it go to his head, but might be too late for that.

And, I feel sorry for all the folks following dead-end Obama.

Buffalo_Ken · 2023-03-30T20:05:55Z

VooDoo6 - you know if Musk was here with me now, or if he is listening in, I'd say to him - come on pal - get a clue!

parzival · 2023-04-01T17:19:48Z

"Truthstream. Wrote a letter to WEF, who taught us all that we can eat bugs to fight climate change while we're being happy owning nothing, although, apparently psychologists say a good life doesn't have to be happy, or even meaningful. Yay!" [Link]

Chicago has the strictest gun laws in the country. Doesn't seem to help much. It's the culture, not the laws...

Rick Pisces

Didn't he say he was going to do this last time?

F. U. Hard

The comment in blue lists all that ails the food industry. Not a reassuring picture.

Demore

it's playing catch-up, question is, will it beat us to the post.

Shangri

my pleasure sweet❤ 🎹Great to see Nikki🥁 [Link]

LindaMay

Don't Panic! Lighten Up!

Zelensky disappointed to learn Orlando Bloom not actually a fearsome elf warrior

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