Don't Panic! Lighten Up!


Nation needs cheaper way to find worst people

© Scott Olson/Getty
Minneapolis — With U.S. Presidential elections now costing more than five billion dollars, there must be a cheaper way to find the worst people in the country, experts believe.

According to Davis Logsdon, a political scientist at the University of Minnesota, the United States could use current technology to find the nation's most reprehensible people at a fraction of the five-billion-dollar price tag.

"Any search for the worst people in the country should logically begin one place: on Twitter," said Logsdon, who recommends scouring the social network for users who consistently show signs of narcissistic-personality disorder, poor impulse control, and other traits common to odious people.


Roll over grizzly! Bear spotted tumbling childlike down a hill

© Mathieu Belanger / Reuters
Obviously tired of tramping the green hills of the Denali National Park, a young grizzly employs an unusual method of locomotion: it rolls downhill sideways and appears to be thoroughly enjoying itself.

A group of tourists recorded the video in one of America's most renowned natural reserves.

Maybe bears like rolling down hills as children do and then enjoy the dizzy sensation of not being able to quite stand up straight. Or maybe bears just like seeing the world go round and round.

Anyway, the grizzly rolls faster and faster as it proceeds down the hill.


Hilarious! Bad Lip Reading does the First Republican Debate

Sometimes Bad Lip Reading is funny because they transform something that makes sense into a garbled mess of nonsense. But what do you do when you already have a platform full of blathering idiots speaking gibberish? Watch this translation of the First Republican Debate to see what the candidates really had on their mind.

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John Oliver takes you to church

© Doubtful News
Praise Legal and Loopholes.
U.S. tax law allows television preachers to get away with almost anything. We know this from personal experience.


Stairway to Heaven now a reality with this new firework!

In the early morning hours of June 15, a huge white balloon filled with 6,200 cubic meters of helium slowly ascended into the sky above Huiyu Island Harbour, Quanzhou, China. Attached to it was a 500-meter long ladder coated completely with quick burning fuses and gold fireworks that was then ignited by artist Cai Guo­-Qiang (previously) who has become known for his ambitious pyrotechnic artworks.


Swarm of birds form a Super Putin!

© Sheryl Gilbert
In Russia, Vladimir Putin's face is a common sight on television, newspapers, T-shirts, book covers and patriotic graffiti. So it was no wonder that a Russian TV channel, Zvezda ("Star"), claimed that Putin's face could be seen in the outlines of a swarm of birds flying above New York. Zvezda is known for its strictly patriotic views and is owned by the Russian Defense Ministry.


Soldiers forced to shout 'bang bang' during training because of ammunition shortages in the Dutch army


The government says problem has been caused by 'high consumption' and 'long delivery times'
Dutch soldiers are being forced to yell 'bang bang' during training because the country's army is suffering from an ammunition shortage.

Frustrated soldiers are making the noises after being told they would no longer be able to use live ammunition in training - because too many bullets have been used on missions abroad.

It has led to a drop in morale, the military union VNM has claimed.

President Jean Debie told De Standaard: 'Even if you have no bullets, you have to train with your weapon. That means you have to call out bang-bang-bang.

'That is of course disastrous for the morale of the military.'


The Feds really keep track of everything - Buzz Aldrin proves it

This may be the only exciting piece of government paperwork you'll ever read. Buzz Aldrin conquered Throwback Thursday forever last week when he shared his travel voucher from the Apollo 11 mission on Facebook and Twitter.
© Buzz Aldren
It's an unassuming document: a travel voucher for Col. Edwin E. Aldrin for a round trip originating in Houston, Texas. But the whole story of the most historic space mission to date is right there, listed matter-of-factly as a series of destinations in the right-hand column of the first page: Cape Kennedy, Florida; Moon; Pacific Ocean (USN Hornet); and Hawaii.


Red-winged blackbird rides on red-tailed hawk's back

© Mike White
"Hitching a Ride."
The U.S. Department of the Interior shared a photo from a wildlife refuge showing a red-winged blackbird hitching a ride on the back of a red-tailed hawk.

The photo, which was shared by the department on Facebook and Instagram, was snapped by eagle-eyed photographer Mike White at the DeSoto and Boyer Chute National Wildlife Refuges in Nebraska and Iowa.

"We occasionally see territorial blackbirds (among others) dive-bombing raptors, but this is definitely something you don't see every day," the department said.

White's photo was titled "Hitching a Ride."


Bernie Sanders clearly in pocket of high-rolling teacher who donated $300 to his campaign

© The Onion
Burlington, Vermont — After accepting a check sent to his campaign office by a local elementary school teacher, presidential candidate Bernie Sanders was roundly criticized Monday as being firmly in the pocket of the high-rolling educator who had donated $300.

"He might have the reputation of being the people's candidate, but when your candidacy is effectively bankrolled by the multi-hundred-dollar donation of a fourth-grade teacher, it's clear who's really pulling the strings," said political analyst Peter Mathews, who noted that when a check arrives with a handwritten note that says "Behind you 100 percent, Bernie!" it comes with certain expectations.

"He's already spouting off talking points about supporting unions and increasing funding for education. Where do you think he got those ideas? He might think he's not influenced by that money, but when someone has deep enough pockets to drop $300, you pick up the phone when they call."

Mathews went on to say he wouldn't be surprised if Sanders' strong support for a living wage could be directly traced to the fat $20 contribution he got from a fast-food worker.