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Dam Bureaucrats!

© Wikimedia Commons
Henry P sends me this amusing piece of correspondence!

This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries regarding a pond on his property. It was sent by the Pennsylvania Department of Environmental Quality, State of Pennsylvania. This guy's response is hilarious, but read the State's letter before you get to the response letter, you won't stop once you start. WOW Love this man.

This is an actual letter:

State of Pennsylvania's letter to Mr. DeVries:
SUBJECT: DEQ ... File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec 20; Lycoming County

Dear Mr. DeVries:

It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity:

Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond.

A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity. A review of the Department's files shows that no permits have been issued Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.

The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at downstream locations.. We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream channel. All restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31, 2015.

Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action..

We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter. Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.

Sincerely,

David L. Price
District Representative and Water Management Division.
And Mr DeVries' reply?

Mr. Potato

Japan Engineers Design Robotic Bear to aid in Assisted Suicide

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A team of engineers working for the JSDD, with help from the Orient Industry Company have created an experimental robotic bear to assist in euthanasia and assisted suicide in Japan.

The growing suicide rate, as well as the senior population is becoming an increasing concern. Hospital Staff, and Suicide Assistant Volunteers from the JSDD are required to help euthanize those who are unable to themselves due to physical, or psychological reasons.

Mr. Potato

Crazy person alert! This woman is suing all gay people on earth on God's behalf - yes, really

Identifying herself as an ambassador for God and Jesus Christ, a Nebraska woman has filed a federal lawsuit against all homosexual people on the planet for breaking "religious and moral laws."

Sylvia Ann Driskell of Auburn argues in a seven-page, handwritten petition delivered to the U.S. District Court of Omaha that "homosexuality is a sin and that the homosexuals know it is a sin to live a life of homosexuality," according to the Lincoln Journal Star. "Why else would they have been hiding in the closet(?)"

The 66-year-old, who is representing herself in the lawsuit, cites Webster's Dictionary as well as a series of Bible passages in her letter, which is riddled with spelling and punctuation errors, the Omaha World Herald reports. She challenges U.S. District Judge John M. Gerrard to not "judge God to be a lier (sp)," and slams gay people as "liers (sp), deceivers and thieves" in the case, filed simply as Driskell v. Homosexuals.

"I never thought that I would see a day in which our Great Nation or our Great State of Nebraska would become so compliant to the complicity of some people('s) lewd behavior," she notes. "It is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed because his compassions fail not."

Head here to view the full petition.

Pirates

Remains from Weekend at Bernie's: Skeleton tea party discovered at bottom of Colorado River


Screenshot from RT video
The eerie underwater scene would have warmed the cockles of Captain Barbossa's long-dead heart, but the snorkeler who spotted skeletons at the bottom of the Colorado River thought the grisly view was a result of foul play.

After the snorkeler notified authorities of the potential for human remains near a boat launch in Cienaga Springs, Arizona, La Paz County Sheriff deputies and the Buckskin Fire Department headed to the scene. A diver with a video camera 'headed down into the sea to see what he could see.'

As it turns out, the two skeletons were, in fact, playing ‒ but it was not foul play.

They were playing 'tea party.'

"When firefighter Foerstner located the alleged remains, he found it to be an underwater tea party with two fake skeletons sitting in lawn chairs," the sheriff's department said in a statement.

Smiley

Polite Russian tanks invade White House: If Obama won't come to Moscow, Victory Day will come to him

May 9, 1945 is a day when the new world was born. And every year we traditionally invite leaders of different countries to celebrate this day on the Victory Parade.

Barack Obama has forbidden many 'world leaders' from visiting Moscow's Victory Day Parade and refused to come himself.

Well...

We live in a high-tech time, so we can say: "If Barack doesn't go to Moscow's Victory Day Parade, the Parade will come to Barack!"


Health

Curious koala bear walks into hospital

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© Facebook / Western District Health Service
Strolling in: The cheeky koala let himself in through the automatic doors
Stunned medical staff couldn't believe their eyes as they watched a wild koala bear stroll in through hospital doors and make himself at home.

The furry animal was caught by the security cameras of a hospital in western Victoria, Australia as he made his way into the reception area of the building.

He then was spotted wandering around the corridors for a few minutes as he investigated his new surroundings.


Video

Relaxation exercise: Stunningly beautiful view of the night sky

© Randy Halverson
While most people are asleep, photographer Randy Halverson has been capturing some stunning images. From night-time storms to fairytale like sunrises, he has produced a series of magical videos showing the hidden beauties of nature.


"The slower moving light streaks are airplanes, the fast ones are satellites. I also caught many meteors which are only 1 frame or 1/24th of a second on the time-lapse," he wrote on his YouTube page.


Comment: If you want another way to relax, check out these exercises.


One of his earlier pieces, entitled Temporal Distortion, took him months to shoot, as he was dependent on the sky being clear. His journey took him across four states: White River in South Dakota, Arches National Park in Utah, the Canyon of the Ancients area in Colorado and Madison, Wisconsin.


Camera

Microsoft's age-guessing robot will either make or break your day

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© Screenshot of how-old.net
A new application from Microsoft which claims to be able to tell person's age using their photo has proved a hit with internet users, who have been uploading its best and worst efforts, with the hashtag #HowOldRobot.

The years haven't been kind to US President Barack Obama.

Smiley

Rhode Island woman finds wild turkey in bathroom

© WLNE-TV
Imagine coming home to find a turkey sitting on your bathroom counter after crashing through a window. It happened to Nancy Page of Warwick.

"The door was open and I rounded the corner and there was a turkey— sitting on my vanity," she explained.

The wild bird came crashing through the window last week and created quite a mess. The turkey had accidentally turned on the faucet which ran for hours flooding the room. That's in addition to the glass and feathers that went everywhere.

Page says she wasn't really sure what to do, so she closed the door and called 911.

"My emergency was water gushing through the ceiling... and a turkey in my bathroom," said Page. "She [the dispatcher] said what? And I said it again and said this really is true."

Police, fire, and D.E.M came to the rescue. Page captured the birds' removal from the Algonquin Drive home on her cell phone. With a little prodding the turkey stands up and takes off completely unharmed.

"Everybody has gotten a really good laugh out of this because it is so comical. No one was hurt so we're real thankful for that," said Page.

Hourglass

US nation just hoping next President can prevent country's decline from being totally humiliating


Over 90 percent of registered voters say the next administration’s top priority should be minimizing the country’s collective embarrassment as the U.S. backslides into mediocrity.
WASHINGTON—As momentum builds toward the 2016 election, citizens across the nation told reporters this week they simply hope the next president of the United States can prevent the country's decline from being an utterly humiliating experience for the American public.

Rather than discussing policy issues they feel strongly about, U.S. voters spoke instead of their desire to just put someone in the White House capable of getting America through the next four years of increased income inequality, environmental degradation, and catastrophic international entanglements with some shred of its dignity intact.

"This time around, I'm really only asking for a president who can keep us from embarrassing ourselves any more than we already have as our country continues sliding backward," said 36-year-old Cleveland resident Michael Shapiro, adding that he will throw his full support behind any candidate who demonstrates a clear vision for navigating the country through its unavoidable downfall with as much self-respect as can be mustered. "We need a leader who will help us bow out as gracefully as possible, so we can just transfer the reins to China or whoever without making a huge deal about it."

"We're already kind of a global laughingstock when it comes to things like health care, education, and our middle class," he continued. "So if whoever's in charge could just make sure we hold on to, say, our basic housing infrastructure and relatively clean water supply during our tailspin, that'd be great."