Don't Panic! Lighten Up!


Police get calls about 'burning UFO wreckage' in London suburb - pizza oven found at intersection

Police in Kingston in southwest London, had a close encounter of the third kind early on Saturday morning when they discovered a UFO-like object in the middle of a road. Police in the London suburb were alerted to a mysterious fire next to a traffic light on Malden Road at about midnight between Friday night and Saturday morning. Officers, who wondered whether they had come across the burning wreckage of a UFO, shared pictures of the "crash scene" on Facebook.
© Kingston Police
Police were called to the scene after a concerned member of the public phoned the emergency services to complain about a strange item on fire in the middle of the A2043.

Officers were accompanied by London Fire Brigade, according to a post on Kingston police's Facebook page.


Elderly friends accidentally take 350-mile train journey after day out in London

© Dan Kitwood/Getty Images
Two elderly friends from Hertfordshire who took a trip to London for afternoon tea took a wrong turn on their way back and had to sit through a four-hour round trip to York, almost 200 miles away.

Comment: When life gives you lemons make lemonade :)


Real life Winnie-the-Pooh: Bear cub gets caught in window after eating too much (VIDEO)

© Ruptly
It seems as though Winnie-the-Pooh wasn't just a fairy-tale, as a bear in Russia's Far East has been repeating some of the antics portrayed by the cartoon favorite. The bear cub got stuck in a window after having had a little too much to eat.

While animals getting their heads stuck in jars is nothing new, bears getting obstructed trying to exit through a window and flee the scene of a crime certainly is.

A brown bear broke into a house in Kamchatka this week and while the owners were out, the animal apparently helped itself to more than just a little lunch.

He ate, and ate... and ate... and ate... in the kitchen...


More people are dead than alive: The demographics of heaven

Dear Mona,

Assuming that all who expire are promoted to a peaceful afterlife, what would the demographics of heaven be?

Shannah, 27, San Francisco
Dear Shannah,

I don't know much about the afterlife, but that's OK since your question kind of boils down to: "How many people have ever died?" There I can get you some answers. But first I want to start with a bit of expectations management. When it comes to the demographics of the dead, I won't be giving you any numbers to two decimal places. This is kind of like a "guess how many jellybeans are in the jar" competition. If I'm smart about my methodology, I can get pretty close to a decent answer, but it's still a speculative estimate. Here's what I've got: Roughly 100,825,272,791 people have ever died. Let's call it 100.8 billion if you're struggling to read a number that long.


Obama and Poroshenko jointly awarded Nobel Peace prize

© Russia Insider
Tireless peacemakers.
In a surprising move the Nobel Prize Committee revised its former decision and has now awarded the 2015 Nobel Peace Prize jointly to U.S. president Obama and Ukrainian oligarch Poroschenko!

"The decision was not an easy one" a spokesperson of the Norwegian Nobel Prize Committee explained."Both Obama and Poroschenko contributed exceptionally to global peace during the last year!"

Extract from the laudatory speech:

"We admire the U.S. president so much for more than satisfying all expectations we had placed on Obama in 2008.

To list his successes: there was first the comprehensive troop withdrawal from Afghanistan and Iraq. And there were the liberation of Libya without any casualties and his peace missions in Syria and the Ukraine.

Obama immeasurably contributed to peace, liberty and prosperity in Middle East and the Ukraine. The most important issue for Obama was to bring democracy and western values to those countries - and he never forgot who can never be democratically elected, i.e. Assad.

Obama is now one of only five individuals who have received the Nobel Price twice. An extraordinary honor!

Take 2

'TV reporter' loses control and finally delivers the uncensored "effin' news"

© Jonathan Pie / YouTube
Speaking your mind on air can be dangerous. But one news reporter appeared to get so fed up with the official stance of the news media that he completely flew off the handle and delivered the "f***ing news" raw and uncensored. His alternative report went viral, with fans asking for more. Warning: The video contains strong language.

The video first shows the apparent TV reporter, captioned as "Jonathan Pie," getting angry after producers tell him to keep delivering the news standing in front of the Palace of Westminster, while it's getting cold and rainy in London. When the man, looking visibly tired and exhausted, wonders whether he could possibly make a similar report from the studio, he is told to do the "f***ing news" without asking silly questions.

That's when Pie loses control and decides to speak from his heart, the footage shows. His impromptu report has apparently won him an army of supporters. "It would be SO nice IF TV reporters & journalists did this for real every day: told the truth, [spoke from] their hearts. It could even make me watch TV again," Jan Irhøj wrote on Facebook.

"Stellar!" Tony Medici commented. "Someone's just lost his job!" Suzanne Rogers said.

Few people have caught on the fact that "Jonathan Pie" is actually a spoof reporter. Even though his report was staged, many said they wished the real news was "really like this."

Comment: This video on Mike Sivier's original blog was so successful, that the site was transferred from wordpress to a commercial host, so he can get rewarded for what he does best.

Mr. Potato

Obama and Congress declare 'Doctors Without Borders' a terror group


This article originally appeared in Allgemeine Morgenpost Rundschau. Translated from the German by Werner Schrimpf

Whoa, that was close! After having acheived a unanimous vote in both chambers of the U.S. congress president Barack Obama has had "Doctors Without Borders" declared a terrorist organization.

Thus Obama managed to leapfrog the much expected outcry of western mainstream media, also known as the "the media of truth".

"We are pretty aware that the media would have made short work of us if we had hit and destroyed a false target. We know that in this case our media do not comply with their own rules and standards and speculations are easily transformed into 'facts'.

Comment: Though satirical, it comes awfully close to sounding plausible!


Another year wiser and not slowing down: Putin plays hockey on his birthday

© Sputnik/ Alexei Nikolsky
As is now a tradition, Russia's President Vladimir Putin played ice hockey alongside some ex-NHL stars players from the Night Hockey League on his birthday on Wednesday.

In an indication that his strong physique shows no sign of weakening, Russian President Vladimir Putin took to the ice in the Russian city of Sochi to play a game of hockey with some legends of the sport as well as players from the Night Hockey League on his birthday on Wednesday.

Comment: See also: Happy Birthday, Mr. President: An exhibition in London turns Vladimir Putin into Julius Caesar, Batman, Gandhi and other great leaders or heroes


Happy Birthday, Mr. President: An exhibition in London turns Vladimir Putin into Julius Caesar, Batman, Gandhi and other great leaders or heroes

Russian leader Vladimir Putin celebrates his 63rd birthday tomorrow - and Hackney hipsters look set to celebrate along with him, after the opening of an exhibition which puts Putin right up there with Alexander the Great and Mahatma Gandhi as a "famous hero" of our time.
The international exhibition, "Putin Universe" will be open in Moscow and London's Hoxton Arches, on Cremer Street, all day to celebrate the politician's birthday.

According to Essex-based artist Lee West, who launched the exhibition after spending the last year living in Russia, artists from all over the world will present Putin as a person who belongs to different countries, nationalities and epochs through 30 different paintings.

Comment: We wish Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin a very Happy Birthday. Let all his visions for a better world be realized.


Russian justice: Moderate ammunition for moderate terrorists

Comment: Read until the punchline at the very end. It's worth it!

All recent official statements by Western politicians and media can be summed up in words: "If there is a terrorist not called "ISIS", they can continue to engage in terrorism and cutting people's heads. Because they are "moderate terrorists". (...)

After reading the official position of Washington, personally, I was touched. The concept of "moderate terrorists" sunk in to my inexperienced soul. On the one hand, the US claims that Russia is bombing "peaceful opposition". On the other hand, at the objects of this "peaceful opposition", something constantly detonates and explodes. Probably in the underground warehouses of the "peaceful opposition" bombed by the Russian air force, detonate and explode clots of peace and kindness that "peaceful opposition" was generously endowed with by the CIA.