© The Onion
Newly declassified documents reveal plans by the Bush Administration and the Project for the New American Century to instill fear in Americans by “destroying the taller, more iconic tower” of the World Trade Center.
Washington - Saying they felt a duty to reveal what truly transpired on September 11, 2001, numerous high-ranking federal officials announced publicly Tuesday that the United States government was responsible
for destroying just the North Tower of the World Trade Center.
Representatives from the Central Intelligence Agency, National Security Agency, and half a dozen other government bureaus revealed at a morning press conference that they were responsible for the development, funding, and execution of a plan to take down 1 World Trade Center in New York's Financial District. Describing their mission as an unqualified success, officials noted that the completion of their objective was followed 17 minutes later by a separate suicide attack on 2 World Trade Center by al-Qaeda operatives piloting a hijacked airliner.
"The American people deserve to know that, of the two towers that were brought down in Lower Manhattan on 9/11, only one was the target of the federal government," said CIA spokesman Tom McLennan, emphasizing that their carefully guarded plot was a wholly independent event planned without any foreknowledge of the similar act of terrorism designed by al-Qaeda leader Osama bin Laden for the same day. "While we freely admit our culpability in striking the first building, let us be clear that we had no hand in destroying the other tower. In fact, that was just as shocking and devastating to us as it was to all American citizens."
"Aside from our controlled implosion of Tower No. 1, we can assure the public that the September 11 attacks were carried out by Islamic radicals as part of their war against the West," McLennan added.