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Mr. Potato

Dumb and dumber: Umbrella carrying University of CA staff member surrounded by SWAT team

ca state san marcos swat

Open carry of umbrellas soon to be prohibited.
A SWAT team on the campus of California State University San Marcos surrounded a staff member equipped with protective rain gear this week.

The incident, which occurred early Wednesday morning, was prompted by a call to the San Diego County Sheriff's office of a bald white male, wearing a black shirt and jeans and walking across campus carrying a rifle. This resulted in a shelter-in place order for some 400 staff and students going through orientation before the start of the fall session. Rapidly, facility and classmates banded together to barricade doors with tables and chairs, expecting the worst.

The situation resolved itself after 30 minutes when an umbrella-bearing teacher figured out he matched the description of the alleged gunman and surrendered to law enforcement.

Comment: When all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.

Water

Flouride: Because the government cares about your teeth...a lot

flouride psa
© Truthstream Media
The same government that has no problem legalizing all kinds of chemicals that wreak havoc on your entire body...really cares about your teeth. A lot. Enough to add chemical byproducts from fertilizer manufacturing to your water for you whether you like it or not. For your teeth. They don't care enough about you to add, say, vitamins to the water while they're in there adding that fluoride...but your teeth. Yes. Your teeth (and only your teeth) are very, very important to the government.

Brought to you by the Oh Just Shut Up and Drink It Already, Who Even Needs a Pineal Gland Coalition.
Rainbow

Awwww! Chris Pratt wears his Star-Lord outfit for a bunch of hospitalized kids

© Twitter
If you're weary of the internet's non-stop Chris Pratt lovefest, you'll find no solace this week. Pratt once again proved himself in the role of Male Jennifer Lawrence when he visited a children's hospital Wednesday, wearing his Star-Lord outfit from Guardians of the Galaxy.

Here's another photo of cool, nice guy Chris Pratt being cool and nice at Children's Hospital Los Angeles:

Further proof that Chris Pratt is the best (thank you kindly for the photo, @Reddit user angelkirie)pic.twitter.com/DZToPMFsfe
- HuffPost Celebrity (@HuffPostCeleb) August 21, 2014
Robot

Canadian hitchhiking robot travels 6,000 kilometers without being murdered

On July 27, a brave robot named hitchBOT bid goodbye to its creators on the shoulder of a highway in Halifax, Nova Scotia. With limbs made from pool noodles, a beer-cooler body, and legs clad in Wellington rain boots, this adorable hodgepodge of a robot was ready to embark on the adventure of a lifetime. It raised its best hitchhiker's thumb, and waited to be picked up by its first benefactor in its 6,000-kilometer road trip across Canada.

When hitchBot set off, we at Motherboard worried that the trooper might meet a tragic end (and we weren't the only ones). But fortunately, our fears were groundless. Over the weekend, hitchBOT arrived at its final destination in Victoria, BC, intact and thriving after meeting dozens of new friends across the country.

Oscar

Joy Camp's Emmy Awards 2014: Outstanding psychopath of the year!

WARNING: SPOILER ALERT! Here's a leaked clip from the 66th Annual Emmy Awards, scheduled to air August 25th, 2014. Winner announced for Outstanding Psychopath of the year!

Road Cone

Canada: 'Pastafarian' fights to wear colander in B.C. driver's licence photo

Pastafarian
© CTV News
B.C.'s insurance bureau is denying a Pastafarian from wearing a kitchen accessory on his head in a government photo.
An unusual religious headwear battle has hit a boiling point in Surrey, B.C., where a "Pastafarian" is fighting for his right to wear a colander in his driver's licence photo.

Obi Canuel, who is an ordained minister in the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, says the Insurance Corporation of B.C. is denying him the right to be able to wear the spaghetti strainer on his head.

The 36-year-old says he believed he would be able to wear the kitchen accessory when he renewed his licence last fall because ICBC affirms the right to religious expression.

But, the insurer disagreed. In a letter, they told him "there is no religious requirement that prohibits you from removing the colander for the purpose of taking the photo to appear on your driver's license."

ICBC said its religious head covering policy strive to strike a balance between respect for the driver's religious beliefs and a need to preserve the integrity of the licensing system.
Smiley

Vatican uncovers rare, long forgotten 11th commandment

Dead Sea Scrolls
© Waterford Whispers News
Reports from around the world have been suggesting for some weeks now that the Vatican had been withholding information on a newly discovered 11th commandment and now the Vatican have finally confirmed the news.

Spokesperson for the Vatican Furio Giunta was sheepish about the exact contents of the 11 commandment but did relay some information to awaiting media.

"Well it's quite long and detailed," explained Giunta, "and actually what astonished the Pope most is how relevant its teachings are in relation to the modern world, which is of course purely coincidental and not contrived in any way".
Smoking

Dr. Relic's sure-fire no-risk unequivocally-guaranteed method to completely eliminate the pain and stress of quitting smoking!

smokers for Jesus

Jesus hates a quitter
Programming is a powerful thing.

Everyone knows that smoking is bad for your health, right? They know this because their governments tell them so, and everybody knows that our governments only have the best interests of the people at heart, right? (roll eyes here)

With the relentless push towards GMO crops, toxic flouride in the drinking water, mandatory mercury-laden vaccines, chemical pollutants spewing into the atmosphere, herbicides and pesticides sprayed from here to kingdom come, it's a wonder anyone remains alive on planet earth!
Eye 1

My bloody legacy - Tony Blair: "No matter how many times I wash my hands.."

the daily squib

Tony Blair, Middle East 'peace' envoy

"Will all great Neptune’s ocean wash this blood clean from my hand? No, this my hand will rather the multitudinous seas incarnadine, making the green one red"
London - England - Former Prime Minister, Tony Blair has given a rare insight into his life, in which he bemoans the state of hand soap these days.

"No matter how many times I wash my hands daily I cannot seem to clean my hands. I have used pretty much every brand of soap from here to Kathmandu and still nothing works. Does anyone know of a soap manufacturer that makes proper soap any more?" a visibly angry Tony Blair said at a recent book signing event.

Mr Blair's long suffering wife, Cherie, has also remarked about the ongoing soap problem.

"I can't take it any more, which ever one of our mansions we go to, the stains are all over the walls, the carpets and bed sheets. The blood drips into your cornflakes in the morning, try putting sugar into your tea with blood dripping every where, we had the vicar around the other day. I keep telling Tony to wash his hands, he goes and does it then comes back even bloodier than before."

If anyone has a solution to Mr Blair's problem please send your answers on a postcard to : Tony Blair Blood on Hands Problem Comp, P.O. Box 666, Money Street, WC1 D62 The person with the best idea will get a bar of soap and a smack across the chops.
Bad Guys

'Humanity' marks WW1 anniversary with wars

http://palestinechronicle.com

Brave Israeli soldiers enjoying their WW1 anniversary party - off to slaughter more innocent Palestinian men, women and children in Gaza

Mankind has commemorated World War One with armed conflicts around the planet
.

From Eastern Europe and the Middle East to regions of Africa, humans marked the 100th anniversary of the first global conflict by shooting at each other.

A spokesman for humanity said: "If there's one lesson we must take from our past, it's that war is really good and always ends well. Any veteran will tell you that being in a war is pretty much the best thing they've done.

"Some cynics thought that traditional war motivators like religion and nationalism might fall away as we became more 'evolved' but I'm proud to say they are as popular as ever. And even better we've now got the planet's dwindling natural resources to fight about.

"Right now it feels like there's enough enthusiasm for war to keep it going for another hundred years or the end of civilization, whichever comes first."
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