Tony Blair, Middle East 'peace' envoy
"Will all great Neptune’s ocean wash this blood clean from my hand? No, this my hand will rather the multitudinous seas incarnadine, making the green one red"
London - England - Former Prime Minister, Tony Blair has given a rare insight into his life, in which he bemoans the state of hand soap these days.
"No matter how many times I wash my hands daily I cannot seem to clean my hands. I have used pretty much every brand of soap from here to Kathmandu and still nothing works. Does anyone know of a soap manufacturer that makes proper soap any more?" a visibly angry Tony Blair said at a recent book signing event.
Mr Blair's long suffering wife, Cherie, has also remarked about the ongoing soap problem.
"I can't take it any more, which ever one of our mansions we go to, the stains are all over the walls, the carpets and bed sheets. The blood drips into your cornflakes in the morning, try putting sugar into your tea with blood dripping every where, we had the vicar around the other day. I keep telling Tony to wash his hands, he goes and does it then comes back even bloodier than before."
If anyone has a solution to Mr Blair's problem please send your answers on a postcard to : Tony Blair Blood on Hands Problem Comp, P.O. Box 666, Money Street, WC1 D62 The person with the best idea will get a bar of soap and a smack across the chops.