Don't Panic! Lighten Up!S


Take 2

Bristol Palin Acting Debut Panned: "Pencil Shavings Have More Personality than She Does"

Diana Sweet
Raw Story
Thu, 24 Jun 2010 09:25 UTC
Image
© AP Photo
The reviews are in for Sarah Palin's daughter's acting review.

"Oh LAWD is this bad," declared Gawker, the popular New York gossip blog. "Fresh off the press, here's Bristol Palin, making her acting debut on Secret Life of an American Teenager. Palin plays - shocker! - a teen mom, so you'd think she'd be convincing, right? Uh, nope."

Blogger PerezHilton adds wryly, "Seriously, give her an Oscar. Give her two!"

"Because we have finally seen the REAL worst actress to ever grace the screen and her name is Bristol Palin," he added. "This. Is. AWFUL!!! Pencil shavings have more personality than this girl!!!"

"We'd rather watch KStew gnaw her lip off her face than ever have to sit through another "acting" venture of Bristol's again," Perez concludes.
Read More...
Footprints

Naked Man Arrested At Library With Stolen Cheese


WKRC
Thu, 24 Jun 2010 13:17 UTC
A man faces charges after an unusual incident at a local library. 52-year-old Darrell Bess was taken into custody yesterday, naked, armed with knives and several pounds of stolen cheese.
Read More...
Smiley

Shiny thing make it all better


The Daily Mash
Wed, 23 Jun 2010 02:59 UTC
NEW shiny thing make everything all better, say clever science man yesterday.

ipad - parody
© thedailymashThing have telly!
Science man say shiny thing is telly and books. And good for seeing photos of you and everyone, and also naked people who do mucky things.

Science man say shiny thing 'changes game' and now all the other science men must go away and be sad.
Read More...
Family

Japanese Couples Say "I do" - In Divorce Ceremonies

Laurel Moorhead
Reuters
Tue, 22 Jun 2010 11:40 UTC
Image
© Yuriko Nakao/ReutersA crushed wedding ring is displayed after a couple used a hammer to smash the ring to symbolise the end of their eight-year marriage during a "divorce ceremony" in Tokyo June 20, 2010, a day before the couple file for divorce.
With divorce on the rise in Japan, some couples are choosing to celebrate the end of an unhappy marriage by saying "I do" for a final time at a divorce ceremony before friends and family.

Divorce ceremonies were pioneered about a year ago by a former salesman, Hiroki Terai, who set up a "divorce mansion" in a small undercover space in Tokyo.

Since then about 25 couples have each paid 55,000 yen ($606) to hold a ceremony with all the pomp and grandeur of a wedding that publicly ends their relationship before they officially file for divorce. Terai said he had received more than 900 inquiries.

The latest couple, who called themselves Mr. and Mrs. Fujii, met near Sensoji Temple in Tokyo's traditional Asakusa area on Sunday and rode in separate rickshaws to the "divorce mansion."
Read More...
Mr. Potato

Massachusetts, US: Former Officer Arrests Himself for Drinking and Driving


MyFox: Boston
Mon, 21 Jun 2010 14:01 UTC
Police usually have the arresting power in most situations but cops in West Roxbury lost their power early Monday morning when a man arrested himself.

The man, Loren Stead, 40, who works for Homeland Security, was pulled over for speeding at the Washington St. and Firth St. intersection.

Officers noticed Stead was sweating profusely and breathing heavily. After going back to the cruiser to check his license and registration, Stead left his vehicle and asked to be arrested.

"I was an officer for ten years, and I know that when you take a long time that means you're going to take the person!" he said to police.
Read More...
Smiley

Brazilian Toddler Shows He Has a Few (S)nappy Dance Moves


The Daily Mail
Mon, 21 Jun 2010 12:35 UTC
Image
© YouTube/The Daily MailTiny dancer: Possibly the world's smallest samba dancer struts his stuff
The internet is littered with footage of babies dancing, usually shot by adoring parents who think their child's jig is the best.

But a proud Brazilian mother might be able to lay claim to having the coolest kid on the planet - and she has the video evidence to prove it.

The nappy-wearing toddler has become a YouTube hit with his remarkably grown up dance moves, seemingly copying famous hip swivellers such as Elvis Presley and John Travolta from Pulp Fiction.

Standing on a table in his family home, the tiny dancer gets straight into the swing of things with a trademark rockstar pose - nodding to the beat, pointing to an imaginary crowd and even doing classic pelvic thrusts.

He segues into the Twist and then into something that looks like the dance favoured by Bez from the Happy Mondays.

Astonishingly, he then forms his fingers into a V sign and drags them across his eyes - echoing the dance scene between Travolta and Uma Thurman in Pulp Fiction.
Read More...
Cow

Indonesia: Man Claims Cow Seduced Him for Sex


Jakarta Globe
Fri, 11 Jun 2010 00:00 UTC
Image
© AFP Photo/Jewel SamadIt was on a terrace between two paddy fields like this that Balinese teenager Ngurah Alit was caught having sex with a cow, who he claimed had flirted with him.
A Balinese teenager caught in the act of intercourse with a cow passed out on Friday when he was forced to marry the animal in a ceremony witnessed by hundreds of curious onlookers.

As the Jakarta Globe reported earlier in the day, Ngurah Alit, 18, an unemployed youth from the seaside village of Yeh Embang in Jembrana, was caught stark naked positioned behind the cow in a rice paddy field.

In his defence, Alit admitted to the act of bestiality but claimed the cow, which he believed was a young and beautiful woman, had wooed him with flattering compliments.

As part of a Pecaruan ritual, a ceremony to cleanse the village of the unholy act of a man mating with a cow, Alit was forced to "marry" the animal.
Read More...
Mr. Potato

Student attacks Hells Angels with puppy. Then things get weird


Toronto Star
Wed, 16 Jun 2010 16:30 UTC
A German student created a major traffic jam in Bavaria after making a rude gesture at a group of Hells Angels motorcycle gang members, hurling a puppy at them and then escaping on a stolen bulldozer.
Read More...
Smiley

MacGyver Foils Airport Security

Brian Briggs
BBspot
Wed, 16 Jun 2010 05:40 UTC
Image
Omaha, NE - On a flight from New York to Los Angeles, former member of the Phoenix Foundation, Angus MacGyver, foiled airport security by building a bomb out of a sick bag, a fork and a cologne sample from the in-flight magazine.

MacGyver made the bomb on camera for a Channel 7 Action News investigation entitled "Terror in the Skies", which showed how lax security still is at our airports.

After completing the bomb MacGyver stood up and said, "You are all safe, but I just made a bomb." Several First Class passengers armed with complimentary loofah sponges then subdued him. After regaining consciousness, MacGyver defused the bomb by eating a candy bar.
Read More...
Heart - Black

Parody: Psychiatrist of Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu Commits Suicide

Michael K. Smith
Legalienation News Bureau
Tue, 08 Jun 2010 23:11 UTC
Psychiatrist of Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu Commits Suicide

Moshe Yatom, a prominent Israeli psychiatrist who successfully cured the most extreme forms of mental illness throughout a distinguished career, was found dead at his home in Tel Aviv yesterday from an apparent self-inflicted gunshot wound. A suicide note at his side explained that Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, who has been his patient for the last nine years, had "sucked the life right out of me."

"I can't take it anymore," wrote Yatom. "Robbery is redemption, apartheid is freedom, peace activists are terrorists, murder is self-defense, piracy is legality, Palestinians are Jordanians, annexation is liberation, there's no end to his contradictions. Freud promised rationality would reign in the instinctual passions, but he never met Bibi Netanyahu. This guy would say Gandhi invented brass knuckles."
Read More...