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Convicted Murderer Wills TV, Radio, Corpse to Judge

Troy T. Alvin wants Judge Edward Smith off his case.

Convicted murderer Troy T. Alvin has bequeathed his radio receiver, TV and corpse to the Northampton County judge who five years ago sentenced him to life in prison.

In a three-page hand-written will filed in Northampton County Court, Alvin names Judge Edward G. Smith as his executor in the event of "his untimely death." Alvin asks that the judge dispose of his corpse in "a moral fashion, consistent with a proper ceremony and berial(sic)" .

In the cover letter, dated May 7, Alvin also references that his will requires the judge to recuse himself from the homicide case, pursuant to the code of judicial conduct.

Alvin is scheduled to appear before Smith on Friday for another hearing about his second petition to contest his conviction.

Mr. Potato

US: Drunken Man Breaks into Washington Bank to Sleep

Police in Ellensburg, Wash., said a man looking for a place to sleep broke into the basement of a bank, and - yes - he had been drinking.

Surveillance video shows the man breaking a basement window about 3 a.m. Saturday and leaving before 8 a.m.

Police tracked down the 21-year-old by Tuesday and arrested him at his home for investigation of second-degree burglary and malicious mischief.

Capt. Dan Hansberry said the man was intoxicated and doesn't know why he went to the bank to snooze.

Coffee

BP Spills Coffee: Upright Citizens Brigade

The BP Oil Spill in the Gulf is obviously no laughing matter. But the Upright Citizens Brigade's take on a BP board meeting gone horribly wrong really cracks us up. And then we remember all the oil-covered pelicans.


Wall Street

Bye Bye Euro


Binoculars

Obama's Speech Seems to Send Student to Sleep

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© AP Photo/Paul SancyaPresident Barack Obama delivers the commencement address for Kalamazoo Central High School, the winner of the 2010 Race to the Top High School Commencement Challenge, at Western Michigan University Arena in Kalamazoo, Mich.
As President Barack Obama delivered the commencement speech at a Michigan high school's graduation ceremony, not everyone was paying rapt attention.

One member of the Kalamazoo Central student choir sitting behind the president had some serious trouble staying awake.

In videos posted online, the boy is seen succumbing to a series of gaping yawns as Obama offers advice on how to succeed in life. Later, the boy's eyes droop and his head rolls forward until his chin rests on his chest, and it appears he has nodded off.

Only occasionally is the unidentified teen jolted into consciousness as his classmates erupt into cheers and applause for the president.

Smiley

Man Swipes Police Website to Complain About Speed Cameras

speed camera
© TG Daily
A Tennessee man found the perfect revenge after he was given a speeding ticket - he bought the local police department's website, and used it to complain.

Brian McCrary had a query about his $90 ticket, and visited the Bluff City Police Department website to resolve it. But when he saw that the domain name was about to expire, he snapped it up himself.

He's now using the site to provide information on the location of speed cameras and give his fellow citizens a forum for griping about them. The site has had over 1,200 visitors in the three weeks since it was set up.

Binoculars

New York: Man Holds Up Bank with TV Remote Control

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© Eddie Mejia/Ronald AsadorianCops corral Edward Callahan (inset) yesterday after he allegedly tried to rob a Chase bank (above) using a TV remote.
Rob bid with TV remote

Hands up! Or I'll change the channel!

A trembling homeless man sent an Upper West Side bank into turmoil yesterday -- brandishing an old television remote control, demanding money and claiming he had a bomb.

The clumsy attempted bank robbery sent employees of the Chase bank at Columbus Avenue and 72nd Street scurrying to the building's roof, terrified the remote control was hooked up to an explosive device and that the place was going to blow up.

But accused bank bandit Edward Callahan, 55, was unarmed -- except for the remote and a water bottle.

He was quickly apprehended as he loped along Columbus Avenue just two storefronts away.

Footprints

Massive Flow Of Bullshit Continues To Gush From BP Headquarters

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London - As the crisis in the Gulf of Mexico entered its eighth week Wednesday, fears continued to grow that the massive flow of bullshit still gushing from the headquarters of oil giant BP could prove catastrophic if nothing is done to contain it.

The toxic bullshit, which began to spew from the mouths of BP executives shortly after the explosion of the Deepwater Horizon oil rig in April, has completely devastated the Gulf region, delaying cleanup efforts, affecting thousands of jobs, and endangering the lives of all nearby wildlife.

"Everything we can see at the moment suggests that the overall environmental impact of this will be very, very modest," said BP CEO Tony Hayward, letting loose a colossal stream of undiluted bullshit. "The Gulf of Mexico is a very big ocean, and the volume of oil we are putting into it is tiny in relation to the total volume of water."

Hayward's comments fueled fears that the spouting of overwhelmingly thick and slimy bullshit may never subside.

Smiley

US: New York Couple Weds in Shark Tank, Wearing Wet Suits

A New York couple has taken the plunge inside a shark tank.

April Pignataro and Michael Curry were lowered in a steel cage into the tank to exchange their wedding vows at Atlantis Marine World in Riverhead, N.Y, on Sunday.

She wore a white wet suit; he wore a black one.

The experienced divers spoke their vows into radio headgear transmitted to a minister outside the tank.

About 75 guests watched from behind glass.

Family

US: 3 Generations of Minnesota Family Share Birthday

Three generations of Coon Rapids women are now part of a very unique club.

They all share the same birthday. Roxie Koep was born on June 1. She shares the birthday with her 29-year-old mother Rachel Koep and 56-year-old maternal grandmother Paula Ballanger.

According to a St. Paul Pioneer Press calculation, the chance of a mother having the same birthday as one of her parents and her newborn is 1 in 133,225.

The chance of them all having the same gender is even more remote. Many variables can affect the odds, including that June is a busier month for births than others.