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Democalypse 2016: Jon Stewart mocks Chris Christie's presidential bid

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© Comdey Central
"Daily Show" host calls Christie's excuse for lack of support in home state New Jersey "the saddest thing I have ever heard"

Another presidential candidate just means more fresh meat for Jon Stewart, who has been having a field day with so many interesting personalities joining the race for the White House.

And with 17 major candidates currently in the running, "there is already a whiff of desperation," Stewart said.

The "Daily Show" host's latest target was New Jersey Governor Chris Christie, who officially declared as a candidate this week.

"Why, why, why?" the Comedy Central star asked on Wednesday night's episode as he aired Christie's laughable announcement speech.

Eagle

Cheeky crow hitches lift on bald eagle in mid-flight

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© Phoo Chan / Media Drum World
Taxi: The cheeky crow on board the bald eagle as he piggy backs mid-air
This chance-meeting was captured by an amateur photographer while the much larger predatory bird was trying find itself an early morning snack

This cheeky crow was pictured hitching a lift on a bald eagle's back.

Fancying a free ride, the brave black bird landed on the wings of the much larger predator mid-flight.

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© Phoo Chan / Media Drum World
Hitchhiker: The crow performs a flawless landing in these incredible pictures
The surprise guest interrupted the bald eagle who was searching for an early morning snack.

Miraculously, the predator didn't even flinch and carried on as if nothing had happened.

Cow

Cattle auctioneers admit to just talking shite half the time

© waterfordwhispersnews.com
Auctioneers at livestock markets across the country have finally confirmed what people have suspected for years; that when it comes to selling cattle, the man with the microphone is basically talking high-speed gibberish for no good reason.

"We've been just throwing in fibbiddy bibbiddies for the laugh," said Con Harding, one of the country's most sought-after cattle auctioneers.

"Just for the fuck of it. Anytime you hear an auctioneer get up to full pelt, you're listening to about 20% information about the animal in the ring, 20% bidding, and 60% of made up words that we just throw in for the craic".

The admission has shocked livestock traders up and down the country, who for years have prided themselves on being able to understand an auctioneer, with many claiming to "know exactly what he's saying" despite today's revelation that they are in actual fact just talking pure shite.

"I feel kinda foolish right now," admitted Kieran MacCaughan, a dairy farmer from Laois who regularly attends livestock markets.

"Whenever the auctioneer started up with the 'hoobiddyboobiddythreehundredfourhundred', I'd nod along as if I was following him word for word... to learn now that they were just taking the piss out of us is pretty annoying, to be honest".

Following their admission, the cattle auctioneers association of Ireland have promised to quit the messing and just speak English when selling livestock.

Comment: Have a listen!




Mr. Potato

'Handsome' gorilla stealing women's hearts in Japan

© Higashiyama Zoo and Botanical Gardens


A gorilla who grew up in an Australian zoo is stealing the hearts of women in Japan.

Shabani the gorilla, who now lives in Higashiyama Zoo and Botanical Gardens in Nagoya, has attracted a large following of admirers who visit him because he is so 'handsome'.

CNN reported that about 100 admirers constantly surround the primate's exhibit, shouting and call his name whenever he comes out.

The hunky gorilla's rise to fame took off after mugshots of the 18-year-old animal began going viral on Twitter.

The western lowland gorilla was raised at Sydney's Taronga Zoo but moved to Japan in 2007.

Sorry ladies. He's taken. According to zoo officials, Shabani has two wives, Ai and Nene. They also said he's an excellent father to his children, Kiyomasi and Annie.

Black Cat 2

How to get work done in spite of your cat assistants

Cats can be a bit of a distraction, so on here are some tips to help you through take your cat to work day!

The video gives you all the tips you need to have a productive work day with your cat. If you do it right, both you and your cat can have an enjoyable day without getting in each other's way.

Star

Little candle in the wind: One dying orphan's talent for loving life

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© Screenshot from YouTube video by detdomdubna
Children are talented. It is an axiom. Some of the children in the orphanages we help are great in music, others win sports competitions. Letting the talent develop is one of the priorities for the teachers of the orphanages we are friends with.

In the rehabilitation center for children in difficult situations in Gvardeyskoye village, in the Tula Region, children live only temporarily, but the staff always stays in touch with them to see how they are doing and help when necessary.

One of the boys who was in the care of the center was diagnosed with cancer, and it was a terminal case. Misha knew he was going to die. But his talent for loving life and telling beautiful stories outlived him. When in the hospice, Misha wrote "Tale of Little Moon Ray" - a story of loving life and bringing light and hope.

Powertool

Maintenance worker accidentally destroys sculpture at outdoor art show

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An image of the work installed for the Sculpture Mile event, before its removal.
There are some people who will tell you that most contemporary art is "garbage," but it's not everyday that it's literally mistaken for trash.

But somehow, a wood and tile sculpture by New York-based artist Jim Osman, valued at $10,000, was removed from a public art show in Madison, Connecticut this week by a local maintenance worker, who tore it apart and threw it in the garbage.

The piece was installed as part of the shoreline town's Sculpture Mile exhibition, which is organized by the Hollycroft Foundation, a non-profit that supports artists and art exhibitions.

The worker, who remains anonymous, believed the sculpture was trash left behind by local skateboarders and used a hammer to dismantle the structure.

"He didn't think it was art," foundation president William Bendig told the Associated Press. "All he had to do was call us and we would have moved it."

Osman spent a month creating the piece—a contoured bench lined with green artificial turf that was inspired by the designs of French architect Le Corbusier and meant to be climbed on by passersby. Osman has previously exhibited at the Lesley Heller Gallery on the Lower East Side, and teaches Fine Art at Parsons.

Smiley

The sun has not exploded!

© accidentalcio/Twitter
Screen shot taken of the OnlineAthens website early Monday morning by Twitter user @accidentalcio.
OnlineAthens.com, the website of the Athens Banner-Herald, was the victim of an online miscue early Monday when an unauthorized updated news item atop the site announced "the sun just exploded." The item was taken off the site and the Banner-Herald is investigating.

"We're currently trying to determine what happened to ensure it doesn't happen again," said Joel Kight, Director of Digital of the Athens Banner-Herald.

The erroneous message on OnlineAthens, which is being shared across social media this morning read,
"This is the emergency broadcast system. Please ignore this message as always. BTW, the sun just exploded, and we're all about to die."
"And to our knowledge, the sun has not exploded," Kight said.

Life Preserver

Watching those cat videos is actually good for you!

A new study finds watching cute cat videos may actually be good for you.

Indiana University researchers discovered the Internet phenomenon of watching cat videos, from Lil Bub to Grumpy Cat, does more than simply entertain; it boosts viewers' energy and positive emotions and decreases negative feelings.

Assistant professor Jessica Gall Myrick, Ph.D., surveyed almost 7,000 people about their viewing of cat videos and how it affects their moods.

"Some people may think watching online cat videos isn't a serious enough topic for academic research, but the fact is that it's one of the most popular uses of the Internet today," Myrick said.

"If we want to better understand the effects the Internet may have on us as individuals and on society, then researchers can't ignore Internet cats anymore.

Newspaper

Edward R. Murrow reporting from London: No idea who's dropping the bombs

London has been suffering bombs and incendiaries now for over a year. CNN finally published a newsreel of the shelling in London, but put a crawling text across it saying "Uncertain the source of the bombardments." NPR sent Corey Flintoff to London, who confirmed that London was under the bombs, but could not tell us who was dropping them. Later he telephoned from Kiev, and spoke with a woman in London who didn't know where the bombardment was coming from either.

Amnesty International said over the weekend that both British and German forces have been responsible for war crimes, and also accused Britain of "fuelling" the crimes.

As for the continuing blasts, it was unclear who had opened fire, though the explosions happened well inside territory controlled by British army and its home forces. "Over the last 24 hours, there was also shelling - the shelling of a cultural center in London. We condemn that shelling that cost at least six lives, and we express our condolences to the families of the victims. It's, again, too early to determine responsibility for the shelling, but we call for a full and transparent investigation." said Cordell Hull's spokeswoman.

Comment: History repeats. And to judge the past from present propaganda, surely the Londoners were shelling themselves... After all, that's what they are doing in Donbass, right?