Don't Panic! Lighten Up! -- Signs of the Times News

Don't Panic! Lighten Up!

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Aaron Muszalski
laughingsquid.com
Sun, 07 Feb 2010 03:46 EST

Artist Caleb Larsen has created an art sculpture which, when connected to the Internet, perpetually attempts to sell itself on eBay.

Anneli Rufus
AlterNet
Sat, 06 Feb 2010 17:19 EST

God cries when you eat Pop-Tarts. But He smiles when you drink carrot juice, and when you do a colon cleanse, He beams.

That's the spirit driving one of America's biggest current diet fads. Granted, you've probably never heard of it unless you hang with Bible-believing Christians, but it goes by many names: the Hallelujah Diet, the Maker's Diet, the Lord's Diet, the Genesis 1:29 Diet. Some versions are vegan, some largely raw; all include organic whole grains -- and some of their kingpins have piously channeled this fad into multimillion-dollar enterprises, hawking must-have supplements at hefty prices. An eight-ounce bottle of phosphatidylcholine (a membrane extracted from soybeans or egg yolks) for $124.99? Sure, when its brand name reads like a promise: Divine Health.

Telegraph
Thu, 04 Feb 2010 16:18 EST

A pheasant is terrorising a village - trapping people in their homes and attacking people in the street.

The vicious bird has launched several unprovoked attacks on villagers in recent weeks.

Men, women, children, prams, bikes, dogs and cars are said to have have fallen foul of the bird in Newsham, near Richmond, North Yorkshire.

Desmond Butler
The Associated Press
Wed, 03 Feb 2010 11:10 EST

© Axel Heimken/AP Photo
The sun shines onto the ice-covered beach of St. Peter Ording, at the north sea coast, Germany, on Thursday, Jan. 28, 2010.

Watch the sunset, save a life.

A woman admiring the sunset on a tourist webcam in northern Germany spotted a man who was lost on the frozen North Sea and probably saved his life by alerting authorities, police said Wednesday.

The man had climbed over pack ice off the coast to photograph a sunset near the town of St. Peter-Ording, then became disoriented on the ice, Husum police spokeswoman Kristin Stielow said.

Unable to locate the beach, the man began using his camera to flash for help. That got the attention of a woman hundreds of miles (kilometers) away in southern Germany who was watching the sunset over the sea on her computer.

feedthemoon
Sun, 24 Jan 2010 07:14 EST

The government yesterday raised the terrorist threat level to 'Hysterical', for the first time in nearly 5 weeks.

In a speech to the Tavsitock Institute, the Home secretary yesterday hinted ominously of 'alarming levels of chatter coming out of Yemen'. However, when later pressed as to the nature of the chatter, Alan Johnson was forced to concede: 'It's hard to say exactly. I don't speak Yemenese, but all we know is they're talking, and they're talking a lot.

Miles Erwin
Metro
Sun, 31 Jan 2010 15:00 EST

Finding proof of extra-terrestrial life is a no-brainer for children - because they see aliens every day at school.

A third of all children aged five to 16 are convinced that the body of one of their teachers has been taken over by an extra-terrestrial being.

And even if they do not think aliens are by the blackboard, three-quarters of youngsters believe the little green monsters exist somewhere in the universe.

Aliens regularly feature in children's books, films and TV series and so the results do not surprise child psychologist and TV presenter Laverne Antrobus. 'Children have many fantasies and love to escape into a world of make- believe that they can imagine for themselves,' she said.

Comment: Most adults never escape their world of make-believe.

Fear of Flying

War in Context
Sun, 31 Jan 2010 22:46 EST

So now we have what surely sounds like the worst imaginable terrorist threat: the bomber whose weapon is concealed inside their body. Are we going to need MRIs before boarding a plane?

Maybe it's time to make the inevitable psychological shift from prevention to risk management.

Flying has always entailed risks - just as their are risks in driving a car or eating in a restaurant.

How's this for what could be universally accepted as an acceptable level of risk: that the danger of being a victim in a catastrophic air flight is such that one is more likely to die because of mechanical problems or pilot error than because of a terrorist act.

California: Man Finds Jesus in Coconut

Ayesha Thomas
News 10/KXTV
Wed, 27 Jan 2010 06:00 EST

A Paradise man claims he discovered a miracle in the produce section of his local grocery.

In a letter to News10, Mike Zachweija said he went shopping to buy bananas a few days before Christmas. He glanced at a bunch of coconuts and noticed one that looked like it had a silhouette of a face on it.

Impressed with the image Zachweija bought the coconut.

On Christmas Day Zachweija said he decided to take some pictures of the coconut before the image faded away.

In his letter he wrote:

"As the first picture I took appeared on my small digital camera, I could hardly believe what I was looking at. The silhouette face now had some color and much more detail, with added Christmas sunlight. The face looked very much like that of Jesus."

The Onion
Mon, 16 Nov 2009 06:02 EST

Officials say the President's home teleprompter is simply a tool to make sure pillow talk with Michelle or conversations with his Mother-In-Law go smoothly.

Borrowitz Report
Mon, 25 Jan 2010 08:00 EST

CIA Analyzing Latest Terror Tape

One day after claiming responsibility for the Christmas Day underpants bomber, Osama bin Laden appeared in a new terror tape today in which he claimed responsibility for the Balloon Boy hoax that held the nation spellbound last year.

"The so-called Balloon Boy claimed that he 'did it for the show,'" a stern-faced bin Laden says on the tape, which surfaced Sunday morning. "In point of fact, he did it for jihad!"

In the somewhat rambling tape, Mr. bin Laden spends 45 minutes claiming responsibility for other things, including the massive Tylenol recall, John Edwards' illegitimate baby, and the Detroit Lions' NFL season.

According to a CIA analyst familiar with the tape, a new characterization of Osama bin Laden may be beginning to emerge: "He's like a movie executive: no matter how little he was involved, he claims credit."

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