Don't Panic! Lighten Up!


Smokehouse bandit? Pennsylvania 'trucker' falsifies records to steal $110,000 worth of meat

Where's the beef? That's what authorities would like to know after someone stole 40,000 pounds of it from a meat plant in central Pennsylvania.

State police say it happened Nov. 21 at Nicholas Meat near Loganton.

According to troopers, a trucker loaded $110,000 worth of meat into a trailer during a scheduled pickup and drove off. He was supposed to deliver it by Monday to a company in Milwaukee, Wisconsin -- but never showed up.

A spokesman for Nicholas Meat says the customer notified him Tuesday about the missing product, which would have been enough to make 160,000 burgers.

Police later discovered the driver used a fake ID to get the delivery contract. Authorities say the company information on the truck was also fraudulent.

The investigation continues.

Comment: A burger burglar whose buns are on the run with a 40,000 pound 'whopper'!

Cupcake Choco

Russian confectioners hope to break world record with life-size chocolate Putin statue

The organizers of the festival, set to kick off on Dec. 5, added they would be applying to the Guinness Book of World Records with the chocolate stunt.
Russian confectioners are planning to create a life-size chocolate version of President Vladimir Putin at a chocolate festival in the Russian leader's native city of St. Petersburg next month.

The chocolate creation will be 1.70 meters high and will require more than 70 kilograms of chocolate to make, the organizers of the Prazdnik Shokolada, or Chocolate Festival, said in a post on their VKontakte social media page.

"As far as we know, there is no other chocolate sculpture of this size of a secular leader in the world," the post said.

The organizers of the festival, set to kick off on Dec. 5, added they would be applying to the Guinness Book of World Records with the chocolate stunt.


Indestructible passports linked to terrorists found in Putin's garage in St. Petersburg (Satire)

© Russia Insider
In all the hysteria surrounding the terror attacks one man has disappeared completely from view - Putin! But now the demented Russian is back! And with a story that is so surprising, you could only have expected it of crackpot conspiracy theorists! It wasn't deranged storytellers who revealed this but the investigative experts of the independent investigative platform, Bellingcat. After dedicated research of blurred Youtube videos and self-made satellite images, Bellingcat was able to identify an old garage in St. Petersburg.

As they realized on enquiry of the Russian Observation Centre for Human Rights, which is based in Tuvalu and whose reports have often proved to be reliable, this is a garage which the Russian dictator inherited from his grandfather. Allegedly he has never used it.

However an investigation with the help of the photographic analysis platform "" revealed that there were at least 20 passports in the garage, which according to information from the platform "Future Leaks"are intended to be found at the next 20 terror attacks on Western capitals.

According to a virtual sniff test which was carried out by the innovative platform "", the passports had the same musty smell as did the ones which were found at the scenes of 9/11, Charlie Hebdo and the current Paris attacks.

In addition they found a collection of various different colored spotlights, with which buildings could be illuminated in various national colors and the program code for temporary profile photos on Facebook.

"Now we know that Putin staged all of this" rejoiced a Nato spokesman. "Let's nuke Russia!"

Source: Allgemeine Morgenpost Rundschau


G.O.P. unveils immigration plan: "We must make America somewhere no one wants to live"

© Politico
Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell unveiled his party's long-awaited plan on immigration on Wednesday, telling reporters, "We must make America somewhere no one wants to live."

Appearing with House Speaker John said that, in contrast to President Obama's "Band-Aid fixes," the Republican plan would address "the root cause of immigration, which is that the United States is, for the most part, habitable."

"For years, immigrants have looked to America as a place where their standard of living was bound to improve," McConnell said. "We're going to change that."

Boehner said that the Republicans' plan would reduce or eliminate "immigration magnets," such as the social safety net, public education, clean air, and drinkable water.


The daily life of Darth Vader

I finished my personal 365 project few weeks ago and almost immediately I decided to start another one. A daily life of Darth Vader portraying the Sith Lord as just a normal guy with everyday life problems.

This is an ongoing project, updated with one new photo every day. I plan to continue until the Episode VII premiere. And if I get really hooked up, for a whole year. That would be a hell of achievement.

As for the gear, I'm using a mirrorless Olympus OM-D E-M5 Mark I with few M.Zuiko lenses and a cheap, amateur strobe. I'm not a professional photographer. Just an amateur with a will to learn and improve. The photos below are all selfies.

© Paweł Kadysz
Damn! Forgot half the stuff I was supposed to buy


The G20 cats who came in from the cold

The trio of cats that evaded tight security at last weekend's G20 Summit in Turkey brought some levity to the otherwise very serious event concerning the global economy. But animals have actually been used in the past for strategic gains.

The cats in this case came and went, as did leaders like President Obama and President Vladimir Putin, yet they clearly got through security, revealing holes in efforts meant to keep the event fully threat-free.

Comment: Could they have smelled a rat? Putin outed ISIS's G20 financiers — But not a single western media outlet has reported it [link]



Johns Hopkins awards honorary Masters Degree to guide dog who sat through all of owners classes

Johns Hopkins University issued an Honorary Masters Degree to Kirsch a guide dog who faithfully attended all the classes with his owner Carlos Mora who received a Masters of Science in Counseling. The dog was appropriately dressed for the graduation ceremony.

During the Graduation as the pair received their degrees the university read this statement


True story: 'Pastafarian' Lindsay Miller allowed to wear colander on head in driving licence photo

A woman has persuaded authorities to forgo strict parameters on passport photos and driving licenses, by convincing them to let her wear a colander on her head in her driving license photo.

Lindsay Miller convinced officials to look past rules that normally stop people from smiling, wearing sunglasses or donning head gear in their official image, on the basis of her stated religion.


Light Saber

Brazilian baby boy bites venomous snake to death

© Flickr/ Christopher Borges
A 17-month-old Brazilian toddler killed a venomous snake that slithered near him, according to the Gaucha radio station.

The young boy, named Lorenzo, might just be a real-life Hercules after biting a venomous viper to death.

The killer snake approached Lorenzo while he was playing the back garden of his parents' house in the town of Mostardas in Rio Grande do Sul State in the southern Brazil.

Comment: Now there's a twist!


The great Jeremy Corbyn Prime Minister Test: did he kneel in front of Her Majesty?

© Steve Bell

Corbyn wants to stop wars because he can't be bothered to bow when asked to respect those killed in them

Did he kneel? How can we know whether Jeremy Corbyn is fit to make decisions about interest rates and dealing with Isis unless we know whether he knelt in front of Her Majesty?

It looks as if he didn't - but even if he did, I bet he did it in an ungainly fashion, creaking down like someone looking under the settee to find the remote control while groaning 'ooh me back', because he's a traitor.

If he was a real Englishman he'd have glided to the ground and begged the Queen's forgiveness for not being able to get any lower, then sawed through the floorboards so he could crawl under the joists and live behind a cobweb for a month to demonstrate how unworthy he was to be on the same level as the monarch.

Any potential Prime Minister must, after all, be capable of meeting the challenges of the modern world: following etiquette such as lightly brushing the hairs of his forearm across the left knee of the Queen while kissing her right buttock with his lower lip, then dragging a thistle across her neck and whistling into a cheese grater with his toenail clippings wrapped in an order of the garter dipped in stag droppings and signed by Princess Anne. It proves he takes Britain seriously.

Comment: The demonization of Jeremy Corbyn continues. Yet there was hardly any fuss from the British media after Downing Street admitted photoshopping a poppy onto David Cameron Facebook profile picture.