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Grey Alien

Alien lawyer's first case

A lawyer who landed an out-of-this-world job defending people who have suffered at the hands of aliens has started his first major case.

Former industrial law specialist Jens Lorek announced last year he would defend those whose close encounters with outer space visitors left them physically and mentally shattered.

Now he has his first client - hotel chef Paul Hoffmann, 23, who claims he was kidnapped by aliens and has never been the same since.

Hoffmann said: "About two years ago a cross-shaped space ship sucked me up and took me to space. When I came around, it was daylight again."

Arrow Down

Peru celebrates tasty guinea pigs

Peru's celebration of the guinea pig included contests for the biggest, the best-dressed - and the tastiest. The second annual festival of the cuy, as guinea pigs are known in the Andes, brought brass bands into the streets of highland Churin on Sunday to celebrate all things related to the furry rodents.

Crusader

Victory of Sanity over Psychopathy: Dry Cleaner Wins Missing Pants Case

A judge ruled Monday in favor of a dry cleaner that was sued for $54 million over a missing pair of pants.

The owners of Custom Cleaners did not violate the city's Consumer Protection Act by failing to live up to Roy L. Pearson's expectations of the "Satisfaction Guaranteed" sign once displayed in the store window, District of Columbia Superior Court Judge Judith Bartnoff ruled.

Bartnoff ordered Pearson to pay the court costs of defendants Soo Chung, Jin Nam Chung and Ki Y. Chung.

Pearson, an administrative law judge, originally sought $67 million from the Chungs, claiming they lost a pair of suit trousers and later tried to give him a pair that he said was not his. He arrived at the amount by adding up years of alleged law violations and almost $2 million in common law claims.

Red Flag

This wouldn't happen in Soviet union: Only half of Russians know how national flag looks

Slightly more than half of polled Russians know what the color scheme on the national flag looks like, while only one-third can cite the opening lines of the Russian national anthem, an opinion research center said Monday.

Fifty-five percent of respondents in a survey conducted by the All-Russian Center for Public Opinion Study managed to name the colors and their sequence on the national flag, while 34% were able to name the colors but failed to place them in the right order.

Only 34% of respondents remembered the opening lines of the Russian national anthem, which has the same music as the Soviet anthem, but with new words, while 32% gave the wrong answer and 35% did not answer at all.

USA

Kid Impersonates Bush!



Bulb

Race Gives New Meaning to Beer Run

SUAMICO, Wis. - Only in Wisconsin do beer and exercise mix. Several hundred people laced up Sunday morning for a two-mile charity race in which suds were the refresher of choice. Competitors in the 19th annual Beer Belly Two might not be considered athletes, but they know how to have a good time.

Mail

Missing Films Arrive After 34 Years

Musty brown boxes containing educational films about the Netherlands have finally made their way back to western Michigan, 34 years late.

Holland, Mich., Postmaster John Masuga believes someone had the two boxes stored somewhere, found them and tossed them in a mail collection box. They already had metered postage and arrived in Holland from a bulk mail facility in Allen Park.

Wine

Firefighters high after pot goes up in smoke

Edinburg - US authorities were trying to find out on Thursday who stored 907kg of marijuana in a warehouse that caught fire.

Sheeple

Realtors attend worship service to pray for better market

More than 300 people with a keen interest in the Emerald Coast's real estate market gathered Wednesday at Destiny Worship Center to ask for God's blessing.

The Real Estate Prayer Luncheon was organized in hopes of breathing life and positive thinking into the area's slumping housing market.

Evil Rays

The Purple Brain: America's New Reefer Madness

More than 70 years in the making, the long-awaited sequel to the notorious 1936 film, Reefer Madness has arrived. It's called The Purple Brain, and just like its unintentionally campy predecessor, its purpose is to frighten Americans about marijuana.