Don't Panic! Lighten Up!
Map


Wine

Indian Court Issues Warrant for Gere Because of Kiss



©AP Photo/Gurinder Osan, FILE
Hollywood actor Richard Gere, hugs and kisses Bollywood ...

NEW DELHI - A court issued arrest warrants for Hollywood actor Richard Gere and Bollywood star Shilpa Shetty on Thursday, saying their kiss at a public function "transgressed all limits of vulgarity," media reports said.
Document

Sex life of a giant tortoise puts writer in line for prize

Books on the search for happiness and the sex life of a Galápagos tortoise have been shortlisted for the world's leading award for science writing.

Six authors will be considered for the Royal Society Prize for Science Books, which carries a first prize of £10,000.

The range of subjects covered by the authors, one of whom is a Nobel prize-winner, include climate change, a history of mankind in Britain, cancer and memory.

Among those who failed to reach the last six were the astronomer Sir Patrick Moore and the guitarist Brian May with their joint book Bang: the Complete History of the Universe.

The judges on the panel assessing the books include Colin Pillinger, Professor of Planetary Sciences at the Open University, and Trevor Baylis, the inventor of the wind-up radio.
Wine

Of beer and bubbles: The formula for a perfect pint

A mathematical formula can now predict how the frothy head on a beer changes over time, a finding that may have a wide range of commercial uses beyond pulling the perfect pint, U.S. researchers said on Wednesday.

The formula explains how the tiny bubbles that make up foam grow -- an explanation that could lead to the development of products such as metal shrink wrap.

The possibilities include "the heat treatment of metals or even controlling (the) head on a pint of beer," Robert MacPherson of Princeton University in New Jersey and David Srolovitz of Yeshiva University in New York report in the journal Nature.
Magic Wand

Drunk man parks horse in German bank

BERLIN - An early-morning German bank customer had a bit of a shock when he found a horse already in line at the automatic teller machine in front of him. It seems the horse's owner, identified only as Wolfgang H., had a bit too much to drink the night before and decided to sleep it off inside the bank's heated foyer, police said Tuesday.

©AP
Horse waiting to deposit
Coffee

The stats of life



©Channel 4
A little girl is fascinated by a lifetime of apples and carrots

The average person will eat over 10,000 bars of chocolate, shed 121 pints of tears and have sex more than 4,200 times, a television documentary will claim tomorrow.

Human Footprint, to be shown on Channel 4, aims to chart every aspect of our lives to give an insight into how much we eat, dream and pass wind from the cradle to the grave. It also looks at the effect each human being has on the planet during the 2,475,576,000 seconds that each of us will, on average, have on Earth.
Bulb

Man With Potent Pot Odor Seeks Permit

LENOIR, N.C. - A man applying for a gun permit at the Caldwell County Sheriff's Office was instead charged with marijuana possession after authorities smelled it on his body.
Bizarro Earth

Stop-Smoking craze: Want to get a paid vacation? Say to your boss you want to quit smoking.

Employees who smoke must be given time to attend clinics to help them to quit during working hours without loss of pay, new public health guidance recommends today.

The National Institute for Health and Clinical Excellence (NICE) claims that the proposal will cut the £5 billion annual cost of lost productivity, absenteeism and fire damage caused by smoking.

It believes that a business with five smokers could spend just £66 on providing advice, including the cost of lost employees' time, and see an overall saving of around £350 in improved productivity.

It is the first time that NICE has issued guidance that applies beyond the NHS, effectively including every workplace in England. The recommendations come as all workplaces, from offices to factories and pubs, prepare to go smoke-free on July 1.
Star

Planet find gets British bookies scared of aliens

British bookmakers wasted no time slashing the odds on aliens being discovered after astronomers announced Wednesday that they had discovered an Earth-like planet.

William Hill cut the odds on proving the existence of extra-terrestrial life from 1,000-1 to 100-1.

"We felt we had to react to the news that an Earth-like planet which could support intelligent life had been discovered -- after all, we don't know for sure that intelligent extra-terrestrial life has not already been discovered, but is being hushed up," said spokesman Graham Sharpe.

Astronomers reported they they had found a "super-Earth" more than 20 light years away, the most intriguing world found so far in the search for extra-terrestrial life.
Vader

Cheney Celebrates Earth Day By Breathing Oxygen (Satire)

WASHINGTON, DC - At a special Earth Day event Sunday, Vice President Dick Cheney inhaled his first-ever breath of oxygen.
Star

Ruh Roh - Scientists unearth Superman's "kryptonite"

LONDON - Kryptonite, which robbed Superman of his powers, is no longer the stuff of comic books and films.

Comment: Hmmmm - so much for my plan for saving the world - seems not even Superman can save us now - kryptonite actually exists, and you know the Pathocrats will stock up on it.

It's a bit too symbolic for comfort...

Top