Don't Panic! Lighten Up!
Map

Red Flag

This wouldn't happen in Soviet union: Only half of Russians know how national flag looks

Slightly more than half of polled Russians know what the color scheme on the national flag looks like, while only one-third can cite the opening lines of the Russian national anthem, an opinion research center said Monday.

Fifty-five percent of respondents in a survey conducted by the All-Russian Center for Public Opinion Study managed to name the colors and their sequence on the national flag, while 34% were able to name the colors but failed to place them in the right order.

Only 34% of respondents remembered the opening lines of the Russian national anthem, which has the same music as the Soviet anthem, but with new words, while 32% gave the wrong answer and 35% did not answer at all.

USA

Kid Impersonates Bush!



Bulb

Race Gives New Meaning to Beer Run

SUAMICO, Wis. - Only in Wisconsin do beer and exercise mix. Several hundred people laced up Sunday morning for a two-mile charity race in which suds were the refresher of choice. Competitors in the 19th annual Beer Belly Two might not be considered athletes, but they know how to have a good time.

Mail

Missing Films Arrive After 34 Years

Musty brown boxes containing educational films about the Netherlands have finally made their way back to western Michigan, 34 years late.

Holland, Mich., Postmaster John Masuga believes someone had the two boxes stored somewhere, found them and tossed them in a mail collection box. They already had metered postage and arrived in Holland from a bulk mail facility in Allen Park.

Wine

Firefighters high after pot goes up in smoke

Edinburg - US authorities were trying to find out on Thursday who stored 907kg of marijuana in a warehouse that caught fire.

Sheeple

Realtors attend worship service to pray for better market

More than 300 people with a keen interest in the Emerald Coast's real estate market gathered Wednesday at Destiny Worship Center to ask for God's blessing.

The Real Estate Prayer Luncheon was organized in hopes of breathing life and positive thinking into the area's slumping housing market.

Evil Rays

The Purple Brain: America's New Reefer Madness

More than 70 years in the making, the long-awaited sequel to the notorious 1936 film, Reefer Madness has arrived. It's called The Purple Brain, and just like its unintentionally campy predecessor, its purpose is to frighten Americans about marijuana.

Bizarro Earth

Man accused of taking skull for ashtray

Police say a gravedigger stole body parts - including a skull and a thigh bone - from a broken casket at a church cemetery and took them home to make an ashtray.

"While he was digging a grave, a casket was broken open, so (investigators) believe he took the body parts to make an ashtray and a pipe," Police Lt. Kevin O'Brien told the Sentinel & Enterprise of Fitchburg.

Police discovered the theft when they went to his apartment Wednesday after his wife complained that her husband, Keith Chartrand, killed her dog. She said she found the body parts among his belongings.

Police charged Chartrand, 30, with removing a body from a grave and cruelty to animals.

Cloud Lightning

US: Lawman's car hit by lightning

Walworth County, South Dakota Deputy Sheriff Chuck Davidson answers to a new nickname. "They're all calling me Sparky," said Davidson, whose patrol vehicle was hit by lightning. "I just feel sorry for my poor patrol car."

Davidson was on U.S. Highway 83 when the lightning hit at about 7 a.m. Thursday.

"All of a sudden, there was a flash, a bang and then there was a bunch of sparks on the road behind the vehicle," he said. "Everything in the vehicle turned off, and I coasted to the side of the road."

Wolf

N.J. dog crowned world's ugliest

Elwood, a 2-year-old Chinese Crested and Chihuahua mix, was crowned the world's ugliest dog Friday, a distinction that delighted the New Jersey mutt's owners.

Elwood, dark colored and hairless - save for a mohawk-like puff of white fur on his head - is often referred to as "Yoda," or "ET," for his resemblance to those famous science fiction characters.

"I think he's the cutest thing that ever lived," said Elwood's owner, Karen Quigley, a resident of Sewell, New Jersey.

Quigley brought Elwood out to compete for the second year at the annual ugly dog contest at the Marin-Sonoma County Fair. Elwood placed second last year.