Don't Panic! Lighten Up!
Associated Press
Sat, 17 Mar 2007 08:30 CDT
SALT LAKE CITY - SkyWest Airlines apologized to a passenger who said he wasn't allowed to use the restroom during a one-hour flight and ended up urinating in an air-sickness bag.
James Whipple said he had two "really big beers" at the Boise, Idaho airport. While on a flight to Salt Lake City on March 7 he wanted to use the cabin restroom.
The captain had declared it off-limits during the short flight because a light wasn't working.
Associated Press
Sat, 17 Mar 2007 08:24 CDT
NEW YORK - All those years of answers and questions, and it's never happened before on "Jeopardy!" What is a three-way tie, Alex?
Wonkette
Sat, 17 Mar 2007 04:21 CDT
Kalid Shaikh Mohammed was captured by the US in 2003, tortured by the CIA in a secret prison for a while, then shipped to Guantamo to stand lawyerless before a military tribunal that would determine if he was fit to stand before another military tribunal.
So we're not entirely sure if we buy that he's responsible for all 31 plots he mentioned (helpfully listed here by the New York Times).
Associated Press
Fri, 16 Mar 2007 19:41 CDT
A Florida teen who had been plagued with constant hiccups -- up to 50 per hour -- for five weeks, is suffering once more.
During her second day back at school since her hiccups began in January, Jennifer Mee had to leave class. Her nose started to bleed Thursday morning and then the hiccups returned.
Mee's mother, Rachel Robidoux, said her daughter is upset, discouraged and in pain.
"I'm at my wit's end," Robidoux said.
Mee returned to St. Petersburg's Northeast High School on Wednesday, and the 15-year-old ninth-grader hiccuped only twice.
Staff
The Onion
Mon, 12 Mar 2007 19:19 CDT
MEDFORD, OR - Despite evidence that the planets are aligned in his favor, local pagan Jeff Birch, 27, said Monday that he would "rather have a peaceful weekend at home" than attend his family's Vernal Equinox celebration on March 21.
"I realize it's supposed to be a festive time of conception and new growth in the womb of Mother Earth and all," Birch said. "But I just know that within an hour of arriving, things will get so bad that I'll be reverting to my 12-year-old self, hiding in the rec room downstairs, wearing my Iroquois false face mask and fingering my runes for comfort. It's not worth it."
Staff
The Onion
Wed, 14 Mar 2007 19:14 CDT
The Secret - the new self-help book and DVD that purports to channel ancient wisdom and claims that if you ask the universe for something, it will be delivered - has become a nationwide phenomenon. Here are some of the book's tips:
Associated Press
Wed, 14 Mar 2007 12:14 CDT
BILLINGS, Mont. - A man told police not to blame him for crashing his truck into a light post _ it was that unicorn behind the wheel. Prosecutor Ingrid Rosenquist said Phillip C. Holliday Jr. initially denied driving the truck involved in the March 7 crash in Billings. He told officers at the scene that a unicorn was driving, she said.
Reuters
Wed, 14 Mar 2007 09:43 CDT
TOKYO - Police found more than 4,000 pieces of lingerie in the home of a Japanese construction worker who used climbing skills developed on his job to steal women's underwear.
AFP
Wed, 14 Mar 2007 10:32 CDT
A circus elephant came to the aid of city chiefs in southern Bangladesh after they were ordered to demolish illegal buildings without heavy equipment.
Discovering that there were no bulldozers available, officials decided to employ a pachyderm from a travelling circus to help do the work.
"We didn't have any bulldozer to conduct the demolition drive in the city so our officers had to hire an elephant from the circus," said Barisal city corporation chief executive Abdul Mannan.
Rupam Jain Nair
Reuters
Wed, 14 Mar 2007 10:30 CDT
Police in India's Western state of Gujarat are to wear new uniforms impregnated with the fragrance of flowers and citrus to help improve their image.
"Most policemen look hassled, drenched in sweat after coming from any scene of crime," said Somesh Singh, a designer at the National Institute of Design in Ahmedabad that drew up the uniforms on request of the state government.
"They are surely not the best person one would like to meet, but if they smell good and fresh one might as well approach them," said Singh.
