Don't Panic! Lighten Up!


New deal? Welsh magician creates Jeremy Corbyn card trick

© James Went / YouTube
Welsh magician Jeremy Went has created a card trick to explain the political trajectory of the newly-elected Labour Party leader.

In the course of his trick, which he concocted and filmed in the space of an hour, Went covers Corbyn's surprise ascent to Labour's top job.

He covers issues of transparency, popularity, public mistrust in politician's tendency to fail on their pledges and more besides.

The video has clocked up 18,000 views in just two days, with Went, who maintains he is a magician not a politician, telling the Daily Mirror newspaper he "almost didn't post it because it's controversial, but the reception has been brilliant."

Comment: Jeremy Corbyn may well need an ace or two up his sleeve to help counter his British Establishment defamers, detractors and demonizers.


The power of love, Tillie to the rescue

© Photo: Vashon Island Pet Protectors
Tillie sat with Phoebe for nearly a week and helped in her rescue.
A group of volunteers from Vashon Island, Washington have managed to rescue two missing dogs, with the sole reason being that one of the canines stayed for a week near its trapped friend and scouted for help.

One of the dogs, which are said to be "inseparable," guarded the other after it fell into a cistern filled with water, hidden deep in the woods. Tillie, a reddish setter, left Phoebe, a basset hound, for no more than 10 minutes each day only to seek help and then run back to her friend.

Penis Pump

Kazakh Muslim leader proposes sex tax

© Reuters
This is going to cost you.
It may or may not have been a joke: The leader of a Muslim group in Kazakhstan has laid out a series of possible sex taxes, taking into account variables such as knowledge of the state language, homosexuality and even (perhaps) how well-endowed you are.

Murat Telibekov, of the Muslim Union of Kazakhstan, came up with a comprehensive list of financial repercussions for engaging in various kinds of intercourse, and posted it on Facebook. Kazakh and Russian media were quick to pick it up.

Admittedly, there is nothing in the post indicating whether he was serious or not, and some of the outlets suggested that it may have been a response to a recently-introduced tax on picking wild mushrooms and berries.

The extensive list covers most of the ways of cavorting in bed (or not) that you might be able to think of, and proposes a broad range of fees, to be paid on a by-case basis.


Seal goes surfing on a whale


Surf's up! Photographer Robyn Malcolm captured this incredible shot of a seal surfing on a humpback whale
A photographer has captured the incredible moment a seal was seen surfing on the back of a humpback whale off the NSW south coast.

A pod of whales were in the midst of a feeding frenzy when Robyn Malcolm captured the extremely rare occurrence.

'On a recent whale watching trip out of Eden, NSW, we experienced dolphins, seals, birds and whales feeding on bait fish.

'At times there was so much going on, you didn't know which way to point the camera,' Ms Malcolm said.

'The seals and dolphins were going crazy on top of the water, then the whales would lunge straight through the middle.

'I managed to get some great shots of whales feeding, but was surprised to find these photos in amongst them, as I didn't see it at the time.

'I don't think he stayed there for long!'


Hillary Clinton's conditioning training to replicate emotions - campaign staff reports progress

After several months of diligent effort, staff members working on Hillary Clinton's 2016 presidential campaign confirmed Wednesday they have made significant progress in conditioning her to convincingly recreate and convey a limited spectrum of emotions.

Staffers test Clinton’s emotional responses by reading through a list of triggering phrases such as “rising unemployment,” “first in their family to graduate college,” and “devastated by a tornado.”
According to aides who drill the Democratic frontrunner for several hours each day on her emotional responses to a variety of stimuli, Clinton can now effectively exhibit concern, mild excitement, and incredulity. Intensive training is reportedly still underway on some of the more challenging-to-produce emotions, such as polite interest and personal warmth.

"The headway Hillary has made is really encouraging, especially when you consider what we started with," said staffer Cheryl Dumás, who later added that when she began working with Clinton, the candidate was only able to fluctuate between stony neutrality and terrifying anger. "We're very proud that she can now display a virtually indistinguishable facsimile of empathy. It's the result of a behavioral modification technique in which we rigorously reinforce any approximations of compassion that happen to flash across her face while she listens to the concerns of voters."

"We're hopeful that she'll have a functional range of 11 or even 12 emotions by the time the early primaries roll around," Dumás added.

In her current program of operant conditioning, Clinton is reportedly shown a series of images—such as a widow crying at her spouse's funeral, a family opening presents on Christmas morning, and former House speaker Newt Gingrich—designed to induce specific emotional responses, and depending on the appropriateness of her subsequent facial expressions and other body language, she is either rewarded or punished.

Staffers said they began the process by slowly and painstakingly pairing a correct reaction with a correct stimulus. They reportedly first trained the former secretary of state to reproduce a "happy" emotion by repeatedly showing her a photo of a small child playing with a kitten and then rubbing a soft cloth on her face while physically holding her mouth in the shape of a smile until, eventually, she could display a passable simulacrum of joy.

Quenelle - Golden

Cassetteboy v Cameron: Mashup artists mock Tory Toff-in-Chief's revolting ad attacking Corbyn


British toff-in-chief David 'Just call me Dave' Cameron
Satirical video editors Cassetteboy have released a new video poking fun at the Conservative Party's 'attack ad' against newly-elected Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn.

Cassetteboy, who has over 100,000 followers on YouTube, is famous for cutting and editing speeches to turn seemingly innocuous phrases into politically cutting videos.

In the latest outing, Cassetteboy has spliced together speeches from David Cameron's speeches to create a witty critique of the Conservative Party's scare movie that took Jeremy Corbyn's words on the death of Osama Bin Laden out of context.

'Is David Cameron a threat to context?' remixes the PM's words to make it appear as though Cameron holds "contempt for the poorest in the country" and wants to "kick the sick."

According to the video, Cameron thinks "you're either rich or you're dead."

Comment: See also:

Pwned: Russia deftly trolls Cameron's Twitter account after British govt sez Corbyn is 'threat to National Security'

Psychopathic mask of sanity slips: What David Cameron actually thinks of the poor - "This is who we resent"


Queen Hillary

As you know, my dear people, the last year for me has been an annus horribilus. The Royal House of Clinton has been tormented by questions about our handling of finances and subjected to tiresome questions about the tragic events in Benghazi - in the furthest regions of our empire. And, sadly, also questions about my Royal e-mails.

Nevertheless, I will not be daunted in my desire and commitment to serve you the people. For the next seventeen months I will be traveling among you as one of you, to listen to your deepest longings and needs. I will be with you in your Wal-Mart and beside you in your Burger Kings. I will drive with you down the busy interstate highways of our land sharing your poverty and needs with you.

How well I remember the days when the Duke of Arkansas and I were impoverished. After we were expelled from our Washington Palace we hardly had two mansions to rub together. We were so poor we had to remove thousands of dollars of china, flatware, carpets and gifts from the Washington Palace just to survive, only to be forced to return much of the treasures by Washington. Now, happily, benefactors from around our empire have given just enough for us to scrape by.

During those difficult times we had to cut back when our daughter was married. We only had three million dollars to spend on her wedding, and I remember our hopes as she moved into her $10 million Manhattan apartment that one day she would be able to move on from that humble abode to something more fitting.

After working for MSNBC for a starting salary of a mere $600,000.00, what could she do.

So as I travel across our land to meet you all, I will be listening and sharing with you. Then when the time for the royal election comes I know you will crown me as your rightful monarch so that I can continue the King Obama policies, and we can all live happily ever after.

Queen Hilarity Rodham Clinton

H/T Bob in Cullman


How to unwind from the Dark Side: Stormtroopers photographed doing their shopping and relaxing


I hear Dagobah's cold this time of year: A pair of stormtroopers prepare for a chilly winter serving on a remote outer-rim planet
They may commit despicable acts in service of a psychotic megalomaniac feared throughout the galaxy - but hey, no job's perfect.

And when it's time to clock off, stormtroopers like nothing more than kicking back with friends - whether it's discussing work gripes in a bubbling jacuzzi or watching the sun set on the planet of Naboo.

Despite the niggling threat of Jedis that comes with working for a tyrannical and oppressive regime, it seems the close-knit Galactic Republic work force still find time for relaxation, home decoration and even football.

In a series of rip-roaring pictures entitled 'The Other Side', a Spanish photographer has captured the intergalactic soldiers out of the office.

The album also sees the iconic troops - from the Star Wars franchise - shopping, soaking in the bath tub, playing pool and attending a very lonely birthday party-for-one.


My boss is killing me at the moment: Two stormtroopers enjoy well-earned relaxation time after a tough day at the office - the Death Star


Swinging in the rain: Bulldog turns hammock into see-saw

For most wet weather is a depressing seasonal change that puts an end to summer and confines you to your house.

But for this excitable pooch named Columbus it acts as the perfect accompaniment to a great day playing on the hammock in the garden.

The hilarious clip was captured by the owner of the Bulldog in Hungary, who stood and watched his energetic dog from inside his house.


United Church of Bacon membership trebles after offering free weddings, baptisms and funerals


Mocked: The Church of Bacon has put up billboards around Las Vegas
Meat-lovers are flocking to the United Church of Bacon to confess their love for the meat treat after founders offered weddings, funerals and baptisms.

Membership has trebled in just three months and now over 12,000 are signed up to follow prophets who spread the word of the 'bacon God'.

Followers boast titles like 'Bacon Prophet', 'Institutionalized Thought Leader' and 'Funkmaster General'.

Worshippers can get their own 'bacon wedding' for free and the website also advertises funerals and baptisms.