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Easter Egg

Extremely rare parrot's crushed egg repaired with glue and tape, hatches a few weeks later

© Unknown
It was jokingly called the "world's largest, fattest and least-able-to-fly parrot" by Douglas Adams, but make no mistake, the kakapo is truly remarkable
Conservationists in New Zealand are celebrating after an extremely rare kakapo chick hatched from a cracked egg held together by nothing more than tape and glue. The bird joins a global kakapo population of just 125 birds - but what makes these animals so unique and why are they worth saving?

To describe a kakapo as concisely as possible you'd say that they're a species of flightless parrot: one that is ground-dwelling, nocturnal and thoroughly rotund.

However, this barely even scrapes the surface of the kakapo's strangeness - a quality that is in no small way thanks to the fact they developed in the isolated environment of the islands of New Zealand.

This evolutionary upbringing accounts for some the bird's odder physical characteristics, with the abundance of food and an absence of ground-based predators encouraging the kakapo (the name translates as 'night owl') to sacrifice the power of flight in favour of becoming more "thermodynamically efficient" - that is to say, they piled on the pounds and at 2kg to 4kg are the heaviest parrot around.
Camcorder

Hidden camera catches dog partying on the bed he's not allowed on

A dog owner left his pit bull alone and left a camera rolling in the bedroom. Also rolling in the bedroom: The dog. Cue "Yakety Sax."

The dog is apparently "not allowed" on the bed, but good luck with that. Judging from the cat's non-reaction, this happens all the time.

Wine

Parody: The first ever 2014 Cadillac ELR

Music

Famous Soviet-era pop song known as 'Goodbye America' played for Russian paralympic team at Paralympics opening ceremony

© Alexey Nikolsky/Ria Novosti/AFP via Getty Images
Russian President Vladimir Putin puts his signature upon a board as he visits the mountain Paralympic village outside Sochi on March 6, 2014.
The melody Russians know as "Goodbye America" blared over loudspeakers as the host country's athletes arrived at Fisht Olympic Stadium in Sochi, where the Paralympic Games began 400 kilometers (250 miles) from the showdown in Crimea.

A raucous ovation greeted athletes at a ceremony last night at which Russian President Vladimir Putin officially opened the games. The 23-member team from Ukraine, whose government is trying to keep Crimea from breaking away and joining neighboring Russia, was represented by one athlete.

Crimea is the focus of the most tense standoff between Russia and the West since the Cold War. Pro-Russian forces seized control of the peninsula in the wake of Moscow-backed Viktor Yanukovych's ouster as Ukrainian president.

All the Paralympic teams arrived to popular Soviet-era music, including the 1985 rock ballad "The Last Letter" by Nautilus Pompilius, which includes the words "Goodbye America, where I've never been." The opening ceremony included an icebreaker called "Peace" suspended on straps.

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Smiley

Pancho, the dog who does yoga

Pancho has become a star, not only thanks to the clothes he wears, but also for his ability to practice yoga next to his Italian owner. Pancho repeats his master's postures and stretching exercises perfectly.

MIB

Onion writers stymied by American Politics' Inherent Ridiculousness

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© The Onion
More and more Onion writers feel they aren't comedians anymore, but are actually just alcoholic journalists with low self-esteem and too many cats.
Writers from the hit website The Onion are consistently finding themselves stymied by the inherent ridiculousness of American Politics in general.
Quenelle

Twerkin' Leads to Alzheimer's and Katy Perry Didn't Like it

While the world is on fire, and war is about to break out, it's important for us Americans to remember what is really important. Pop Stars. That's right. If you're as tired as I am of news featuring people with unpronounceable names in far off places, then this Entertainment Round up is just what you need.
Fish

Stupity alert! The perils of swallowing live bluegills without medical supervision

© Unknown
Bluegill - Lepomis macrochirus
A man was hospitalized for four days after choking on a live fish he tried to eat in a haunted house, he claims in a lawsuit.

Cameron Roth claims the Frightmare Manor should not have allowed people to eat live fish without medical supervision. Roth sued Tennessee Community Enrichment dba Frightmare Manor, American Strategic Holdings LLC and "Frightmare" overseer Charles Christopher Wooden in Davidson County Circuit Court, alleging negligence, liability, emotional distress and fraud.
Roth claims he paid $15 to compete in Frightmare Manor's "'Eat Something,' 'Drink Something,' and 'Do Something'" challenge, in which he was "forced to eat" two live bluegills.

Frightmare Manor, a "haunted attraction," was operating in Talbot, Tennessee in October 2013 when Roth signed up for the challenge. However: "Frightmare failed to remove any of the spines from the bluegill fish," the complaint states. "In his attempt to eat the two fish within the time constraint, Mr. Roth began choking as the first fish became lodged in his throat."
The defendants did not have any emergency medical staff on hand and their employees did not seek emergency medical assistance while Roth was choking, according to the complaint. Other patrons came to Roth's aid and called 911.
USA

Satire: Ukrainian-Russian Tensions Dividing U.S. Citizens Along Ignorant, Apathetic Lines

Washington - According to a poll released Monday by the Pew Research Center, the escalating conflict between Russia and Ukraine has left Americans sharply and bitterly divided along ignorant and apathetic lines, with the nation's citizenry evenly split between grossly misinformed and wholly indifferent factions.

"The very real threat of a Russia-Ukraine war has completely polarized the general public, pitting two deeply entrenched blocs against one another: those who have absolutely no clue what they're talking about and those who couldn't care less," said Pew spokesman Andrew Collins, noting that the ouster of Ukraine's president Viktor Yanukovych and Russia's subsequent occupation of Crimea has inflamed tensions between the two sides to a level unseen since the height of the war in Syria. "This is not a distinctly regional or socioeconomic split, either. We're seeing local workplaces, friends, even families ripped in two by their desire to either ignore the whole thing completely or spout an inane, half-witted opinion on it like they're some geopolitical expert."

"And as the situation develops and Western powers become more involved, these divisions will only appear more stark," he added. "In the coming weeks, we can expect to hear a growing cacophony of uninformed and harebrained calls for action or restraint from one side, and absolutely nothing at all from the other."
Bomb

'SUCK IT' Most expensive two words when posted on facebook

Patrick Snay had just won an age discrimination dispute with Gulliver Preparatory School to the tune of $80,000. His mistake? Telling his daughter.

Before the ink on the paper dried, Snay's daughter was on Facebook, boasting, "Mama and Papa Snay won the case against Gulliver. Gulliver is now officially paying for my vacation to Europe this summer. SUCK IT."

Comment: Who the hell refers to their parents as "mama and papa snay" in a post on facebook.

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