Don't Panic! Lighten Up!


Hidden camera catches dog partying on the bed he's not allowed on

A dog owner left his pit bull alone and left a camera rolling in the bedroom. Also rolling in the bedroom: The dog. Cue "Yakety Sax."

The dog is apparently "not allowed" on the bed, but good luck with that. Judging from the cat's non-reaction, this happens all the time.


Parody: The first ever 2014 Cadillac ELR


Famous Soviet-era pop song known as 'Goodbye America' played for Russian paralympic team at Paralympics opening ceremony

© Alexey Nikolsky/Ria Novosti/AFP via Getty Images
Russian President Vladimir Putin puts his signature upon a board as he visits the mountain Paralympic village outside Sochi on March 6, 2014.
The melody Russians know as "Goodbye America" blared over loudspeakers as the host country's athletes arrived at Fisht Olympic Stadium in Sochi, where the Paralympic Games began 400 kilometers (250 miles) from the showdown in Crimea.

A raucous ovation greeted athletes at a ceremony last night at which Russian President Vladimir Putin officially opened the games. The 23-member team from Ukraine, whose government is trying to keep Crimea from breaking away and joining neighboring Russia, was represented by one athlete.

Crimea is the focus of the most tense standoff between Russia and the West since the Cold War. Pro-Russian forces seized control of the peninsula in the wake of Moscow-backed Viktor Yanukovych's ouster as Ukrainian president.

All the Paralympic teams arrived to popular Soviet-era music, including the 1985 rock ballad "The Last Letter" by Nautilus Pompilius, which includes the words "Goodbye America, where I've never been." The opening ceremony included an icebreaker called "Peace" suspended on straps.



Pancho, the dog who does yoga

Pancho has become a star, not only thanks to the clothes he wears, but also for his ability to practice yoga next to his Italian owner. Pancho repeats his master's postures and stretching exercises perfectly.


Onion writers stymied by American Politics' Inherent Ridiculousness

the onion logo Good
© The Onion
More and more Onion writers feel they aren't comedians anymore, but are actually just alcoholic journalists with low self-esteem and too many cats.
Writers from the hit website The Onion are consistently finding themselves stymied by the inherent ridiculousness of American Politics in general.

Twerkin' Leads to Alzheimer's and Katy Perry Didn't Like it

While the world is on fire, and war is about to break out, it's important for us Americans to remember what is really important. Pop Stars. That's right. If you're as tired as I am of news featuring people with unpronounceable names in far off places, then this Entertainment Round up is just what you need.

Stupity alert! The perils of swallowing live bluegills without medical supervision

© Unknown
Bluegill - Lepomis macrochirus
A man was hospitalized for four days after choking on a live fish he tried to eat in a haunted house, he claims in a lawsuit.

Cameron Roth claims the Frightmare Manor should not have allowed people to eat live fish without medical supervision. Roth sued Tennessee Community Enrichment dba Frightmare Manor, American Strategic Holdings LLC and "Frightmare" overseer Charles Christopher Wooden in Davidson County Circuit Court, alleging negligence, liability, emotional distress and fraud.
Roth claims he paid $15 to compete in Frightmare Manor's "'Eat Something,' 'Drink Something,' and 'Do Something'" challenge, in which he was "forced to eat" two live bluegills.

Frightmare Manor, a "haunted attraction," was operating in Talbot, Tennessee in October 2013 when Roth signed up for the challenge. However: "Frightmare failed to remove any of the spines from the bluegill fish," the complaint states. "In his attempt to eat the two fish within the time constraint, Mr. Roth began choking as the first fish became lodged in his throat."
The defendants did not have any emergency medical staff on hand and their employees did not seek emergency medical assistance while Roth was choking, according to the complaint. Other patrons came to Roth's aid and called 911.

Satire: Ukrainian-Russian Tensions Dividing U.S. Citizens Along Ignorant, Apathetic Lines

Washington - According to a poll released Monday by the Pew Research Center, the escalating conflict between Russia and Ukraine has left Americans sharply and bitterly divided along ignorant and apathetic lines, with the nation's citizenry evenly split between grossly misinformed and wholly indifferent factions.

"The very real threat of a Russia-Ukraine war has completely polarized the general public, pitting two deeply entrenched blocs against one another: those who have absolutely no clue what they're talking about and those who couldn't care less," said Pew spokesman Andrew Collins, noting that the ouster of Ukraine's president Viktor Yanukovych and Russia's subsequent occupation of Crimea has inflamed tensions between the two sides to a level unseen since the height of the war in Syria. "This is not a distinctly regional or socioeconomic split, either. We're seeing local workplaces, friends, even families ripped in two by their desire to either ignore the whole thing completely or spout an inane, half-witted opinion on it like they're some geopolitical expert."

"And as the situation develops and Western powers become more involved, these divisions will only appear more stark," he added. "In the coming weeks, we can expect to hear a growing cacophony of uninformed and harebrained calls for action or restraint from one side, and absolutely nothing at all from the other."

'SUCK IT' Most expensive two words when posted on facebook

Patrick Snay had just won an age discrimination dispute with Gulliver Preparatory School to the tune of $80,000. His mistake? Telling his daughter.

Before the ink on the paper dried, Snay's daughter was on Facebook, boasting, "Mama and Papa Snay won the case against Gulliver. Gulliver is now officially paying for my vacation to Europe this summer. SUCK IT."

Comment: Who the hell refers to their parents as "mama and papa snay" in a post on facebook.


UK Deputy PM Nick Clegg gets the respect he deserves - schoolboy gives him the finger

Gesture: Nick Clegg delivers his speech - with Harry Payne in the background

This pupil at Southfields Academy in South West London appeared to be sending a not-so-subtle message to the Deputy PM
A schoolboy photographed apparently giving Nick Clegg the middle finger has been described as "legend" by his classmates - even though his mum says his actions have landed him in trouble.

Teenager Harry Payne was snapped apparently flipping the finger at the deputy prime minister as he gave a speech to students at Southfields Academy in London on Thursday.

Today, the Evening Standard reports, the youngster is not in the classroom, and is instead under the watchful eye of mum Nicola Payne.

She says her son was "in trouble" after yesterday's antics - but insisted that the gesture caught on camera has been "misrepresented".

She said: "That picture should not have been used - it misrepresented what was happening."