Don't Panic! Lighten Up!


Satire: Ukrainian-Russian Tensions Dividing U.S. Citizens Along Ignorant, Apathetic Lines

Washington - According to a poll released Monday by the Pew Research Center, the escalating conflict between Russia and Ukraine has left Americans sharply and bitterly divided along ignorant and apathetic lines, with the nation's citizenry evenly split between grossly misinformed and wholly indifferent factions.

"The very real threat of a Russia-Ukraine war has completely polarized the general public, pitting two deeply entrenched blocs against one another: those who have absolutely no clue what they're talking about and those who couldn't care less," said Pew spokesman Andrew Collins, noting that the ouster of Ukraine's president Viktor Yanukovych and Russia's subsequent occupation of Crimea has inflamed tensions between the two sides to a level unseen since the height of the war in Syria. "This is not a distinctly regional or socioeconomic split, either. We're seeing local workplaces, friends, even families ripped in two by their desire to either ignore the whole thing completely or spout an inane, half-witted opinion on it like they're some geopolitical expert."

"And as the situation develops and Western powers become more involved, these divisions will only appear more stark," he added. "In the coming weeks, we can expect to hear a growing cacophony of uninformed and harebrained calls for action or restraint from one side, and absolutely nothing at all from the other."

'SUCK IT' Most expensive two words when posted on facebook

Patrick Snay had just won an age discrimination dispute with Gulliver Preparatory School to the tune of $80,000. His mistake? Telling his daughter.

Before the ink on the paper dried, Snay's daughter was on Facebook, boasting, "Mama and Papa Snay won the case against Gulliver. Gulliver is now officially paying for my vacation to Europe this summer. SUCK IT."

Comment: Who the hell refers to their parents as "mama and papa snay" in a post on facebook.


UK Deputy PM Nick Clegg gets the respect he deserves - schoolboy gives him the finger

Gesture: Nick Clegg delivers his speech - with Harry Payne in the background

This pupil at Southfields Academy in South West London appeared to be sending a not-so-subtle message to the Deputy PM
A schoolboy photographed apparently giving Nick Clegg the middle finger has been described as "legend" by his classmates - even though his mum says his actions have landed him in trouble.

Teenager Harry Payne was snapped apparently flipping the finger at the deputy prime minister as he gave a speech to students at Southfields Academy in London on Thursday.

Today, the Evening Standard reports, the youngster is not in the classroom, and is instead under the watchful eye of mum Nicola Payne.

She says her son was "in trouble" after yesterday's antics - but insisted that the gesture caught on camera has been "misrepresented".

She said: "That picture should not have been used - it misrepresented what was happening."
Light Saber

U.S. agents raid Vancouver seniors' home - Get whacked with a cane

© Unknown
In her own words, Ms. McCook “clobbered a few of those buggers” and “told them to get the H-E-double-hockey-sticks out of Canada.”
Seattle-based agents of the U.S. Drug Enforcement Agency mistakenly stormed Vancouver's English Bay Retirement Village today believing it to be a marijuana grow op but 79-year-old Ida McCook was having none of it.

In her own words, Ms. McCook "clobbered a few of those buggers" and "told them to get the H-E-double-hockey-sticks out of Canada."

"We had just served low tea with jammy scones and finger sandwiches when all these men in black with small Stars and Stripes badges on their shoulders burst into the library room," said Marny Bales, Manager of the Village. "Everyone was pretty scared."

"But then Ida...Ms. McCook...just stood up out of her chair and starting walloping them. They backpedalled to the door pretty fast I must say."

"Ida sure got mad. Never seen her move so fast," added 84-year-old resident Stanley Findley. "She's got the arthritis in her knees but you wouldn't have known it today."
Mr. Potato

Lee Camp's Moment of Clarity show - Episode 1: Billionaires

Moment of Clarity is now a full-on show. This is episode one with special guest Greg Palast. This week we look into billionaires. Are they the super heroes we make them out to be? ....Help support Moment of Clarity. Go here to donate just one Tweet or Facebook post per day. It takes 30 seconds.


Epic Missouri spelling bee runs out of words

Sophia Hoffman, a fifth-grader at Highland Park Elementary School in the Kansas City suburb of Lee's Summit, and Kush Sharma, a seventh-grader at Frontier School of Innovation in Kansas City, will face-off again next month.
How do you spell a spelling bee that goes 66 rounds in more than four hours and causes the organizers to run out of words?

The answer is T-I-E, for now.

Sophia Hoffman, a fifth-grader at Highland Park Elementary School in the Kansas City suburb of Lee's Summit, and Kush Sharma, a seventh-grader at Frontier School of Innovation in Kansas City, will face-off again next month after the two left organizers of the Jackson County Spelling Bee flummoxed.

"We have a list that was provided by Scripps and we got to the end of that list of words and we had pre-selected words from the dictionary just in case and we got through that list," Mary Olive Thompson, a library outreach manager and co-coordinator of the spelling bee, told

"We had gone four hours and officials prefer to have a pre-selected list rather than just picking words from dictionary so we decided to continue on March 8 and that would allow us to pick more words," she said.

Oscars 2014: Preview of the 86th Academy Awards

Benny & Kevin from Joy Camp present the award for the Best Most American Film of the year.


At last: an honest university commercial

Parody of all those University commercials that try and get you to come to their school... Except this time, they're gonna be honest with you!


Cleaner throws out 'rubbish' Sala Murat artwork

The cleaner unwittingly threw away works made of newspaper and cardboard which were part of the exhibition
A cleaner has mistakenly thrown away contemporary artworks meant to be part of an exhibition in southern Italy.

Works made out of newspaper and cardboard, and cookie pieces scattered across the floor as part of Sala Murat's display were thrown out.

Lorenzo Roca, from cleaning firm Chiarissima, said the unnamed cleaner was "just doing her job".

He added his firm's insurance would cover the value of the art, estimated to be around 10,000 euros (£8,200).

According to local press, security noticed a number of items were missing when the venue, in the province of Bari, opened on Wednesday morning.

It later emerged the cleaner had handed them over to refuse collectors, thinking it was rubbish left behind by workers who set up the Mediating Landscape exhibition.
Black Cat 2

Kitten found frozen solid in a block of ice and stuck to a road is rescued

Frosty, rescued and warm again
A driver who found a gray kitten frozen to the road in Ohio and rescued it says she initially thought it was a dirty chunk of ice.

Which is exactly what the 5-month-old cat was encased in when Dara Taylor saw it on her way to work Monday, stopped the car and pried the helpless animal off the road.

'I thought it was a chunk of ice in the middle of the road,' Taylor said. 'When I got closer, it moved. That freaked me out.'

Taylor told the Lorain County Chronicle-Telegram the cat was even unable to open its own eyes, but he tenaciously clung to life

'As I got out of the car, I could hear him meowing so loudly and pitifully and his little heart was beating so fast,' she said.

Taylor took the kitten to the Friendship Animal Protective League, where workers immediately set to warming him up.

They also named him Frosty.