Don't Panic! Lighten Up!


Crowds flock to cash machine after it starts spewing out free notes

© Getty
Windfall: Dozens of people queued for free money (ATM not pictured)
Around 60 people queued up at the ATM in Mansfield Woodhouse, Notts, before the fault was spotted by bosses and the cash machine put of service

Dozens of people flocked to a cash machine after word spread that it had started giving out free money.

The Lloyds Bank ATM in Mansfield Woodhouse, Notts, malfunctioned and began spewing out notes as customers withdrew cash yesterday morning.

Around 60 people are reported to have queued up at the hole-in-the-wall as word spread of the possible windfall.

The fault was spotted by bosses and the cash machine put of service around 3pm.

A spokesman for Lloyds Bank said investigations had begun into how the error occurred and the group would not be able to provide details on how much cash was taken from the ATM.

It is not thought that individuals who cashed in will not be pursued to reimburse the bank.

The spokesman said: "We're aware that an error occurred with a Lloyds Bank ATM in Mansfield Woodhouse, resulting in the ATM distributing incorrect amounts of cash.

"The ATM is now out of service and the error is being investigated."


Woman at red light hit by car driven by chihuahua

Chihuahua Driving Car!
Spokane, Washington - A woman on her way home from work was hit at a red light by a car with a Chihuahua behind the wheel.

The dog had apparently knocked the parked car out of gear and coasted into traffic.

When the woman looked up to see who had hit her, she couldn't believe what she saw.

"I was shocked. I didn't know if I was crazy, if there was just this little dog that had taken a joyride," said victim Tabitha Ormaechea.

No one was hurt in the accident and the damage was minimal.

Ariel Sharon's burial plot set to displace 15,000 Palestinians

Ariel Sharon
© Inconnu
Following the death of former Israel prime minister Ariel Sharon - who has been in a coma since 2006 - plans for the 85-year-old's state funeral have now been released.

According to arrangements made by the Israeli government, Sharon's burial plot is set to displace over 15,000 Palestinians living in the West Bank. The plot, located on the outskirts of Hebron, will take over land lived and farmed by Arabs for at least four centuries and will be surrounded by a five-metre tall concrete wall with armed sentry posts on each corner. It will also be connected to Israel by a four-lane commemorative highway.

"It's what he would have wanted," said a source.

Comment: Satire, but believable, nonetheless...


Bigfoot is wandering Michigan man's property and eating pizza, he claims in police report

© Andrew Rich via Getty Images
It's a run-of-the-mill case: Man claims assailant vandalized his estate, requests assistance from law enforcement.

Only the accused, in this instance, is Bigfoot, who has allegedly been wandering around a Michigan property for more than a decade, shape-shifting and eating pizza.

On Saturday, a 52-year-old Breckendridge, Mich. man came to the Midland law enforcement center armed with evidence, including photo albums, empty food containers, dirt and alleged Bigfoot scat, to ask for help verifying the existence of the mythical creature, according to a report from the Midland County Sheriff's Office.

Overwhelming number of applicants for Ariel Sharon funeral sign language translator

TEL AVIV: Organisers of the state funeral for former Israeli prime minister Ariel Sharon - who passed away earlier today - have revealed that they have been "overwhelmed" by the number of applicants for the position of sign language interpreter.

"Honestly, when we put out the call this afternoon, we thought we'd get a couple of people interested, but the response has been truly remarkable and we've been inundated with applications," said a source from the Israeli Prime Minister's office. "To be honest, I didn't even think there were that many sign language speakers in the region."

Politician quits town council with a resignation letter written in KLINGON

Councillor David Waddell wrote his resignation letter in the fictional language of Star Trek - and quit the council with his honour intact

© Rex
Qapla' (that mean 'success' in Klingon): David Waddell left his council position in style
A politician decided to quit his local council in the most honourable way possible - by submitting his resignation in KLINGON.

David Waddell, a town councillor in Indian Trail, North Carolina, no longer wanted to live long and prosper on the town's council.

He submitted his resignation letter to Mayor Michael Alvarez in the fictional language invented for the race of alien warriors in the Star Trek films and TV series.

The original letter was even written using the Klingon language's pointed characters, rather than the roman alphabet - although he did include a translation in case the Mayor wasn't fluent.

The translation reads: "Teach the city the constitution. I will return next time to witness victory. Resignation occurs in 2014 the 31st of January.

"Perhaps today is a good day to resign."

A complete and comprehensive Klingon language was developed for Star Trek by linguist Marc Okrand. Since then, the Works of Shakespeare and the Bible have been translated into Klingon.

New Year's twins born in separate years

Gabriela and Sophia Salgueiro
As people around the world partied their way into the new year, two mothers gave birth to two of the last babies of 2013 and two of the first babies of 2014. While born just minutes apart, their twin babies entered the world in two different years.

On Dec. 31, 2013, at 11:58 p.m., Yaleni Santos Tohalino gave birth to baby girl Lorraine Yaleni Begazo, who weighed at 6 pounds, 4.9 ounces, at MedStar Washington Hospital Center, in Washington, D.C.

Soon after, her twin brother Brandon Ferdinando Begazo was born on Jan. 1, 2014, at 12:01 a.m., weighing at 5 pounds, 10.4 ounces.

"I feel wonderful full of joy and happiness and a full sense of realization," the twins' father, Warren Begazo, told "This is her first children ever, and they're beautiful and she's really happy."

UK: Star Wars' C3P0 caught fishing in Kent

In a galaxy...just down the M20: C3P0 was spotted fishing alone in blustery wind and fog in Kent.
Mr Beolens, 64, from Margate, said: 'I'm a keen bird watcher and I had driven to Reculver to have a look for wildlife nesting among the Roman ruins there.

'I pulled up into the car park and was just sat in my car when I saw a glimmer of gold along the seafront.

'I am a fan of Star Wars so I instantly recognised it to be C3P0 stood there with a fishing rod in one hand.

'My wife Maggie and I were just sat there with our mouths open - it was such a strange sight.

'Luckily I had a camera with me so I took a few photos.

'I have no explanation as to what he was doing there - maybe he was fishing for oil cans?

Do stoned dolphins give 'puff puff pass' a whole new meaning?

© jeffk42
You would always be smiling, too, if you were high as a kite.
The BBC will be airing a cool new underwater documentary on Thursday called Dolphins: Spy in the Pod, where carefully disguised cameras were used to film the daily lives of everyone's favorite marine mammals. But the most interesting detail seems to have been leaked on Sunday: during the documentary, some of the dolphins reportedly used a pufferfish to get stoned.

"Even the brightest humans have succumbed to the lure of drugs and, it seems, dolphins are no different," said The Sunday Times. The article goes on to describe how the team got footage of dolphins gently harassing a pufferfish, which led to the dolphins entering "a trance-like state after apparently getting "high" on the toxin."

"After chewing the puffer and gently passing it round, they began acting most peculiarly, hanging around with their noses at the surface as if fascinated by their own reflection," said Rob Pilley, zoologist and one of the producers of the documentary. "This was a case of young dolphins purposefully experimenting with something we know to be intoxicating." And so it would seem that we can add drug use to the long list of dolphin bad behaviors, (a list which includes bullying, rape and murder, for the record; illicit drug use seems a minor offense in comparison).

It sounds too awesome to be true - which means it probably is.
Piggy Bank

Gypsy hypnotizes priest, steals church donations

"He said she hypnotized him?!"
A woman stole a Padua, Italy, church's Christmas offerings after hypnotizing a 71-year-old priest, police said.

Comment: Hypnosis secrets revealed...