Don't Panic! Lighten Up!S


People

107-year-old Malaysian woman seeks 23rd hubby


Agence France-Presse
Mon, 14 Sep 2009 09:46 UTC
Wook Kundor
© Agence France-PresseWook Kundor, 107, sits outside her house in Malaysia's northern Kuala Terengganu state on September 13, 2009. Wook says she is ready to marry for the 23rd time because she fears her current drug addict husband Muhammad, 37, who is undergoing voluntary drug rehabilitation treatment in the capital Kuala Lumpur, will leave her once the programme ends
A 107-year-old Malaysian woman says she is ready to marry for the 23rd time because she fears her current drug addict husband might leave her for a younger woman, a report said Monday.

Wook Kundor made headlines four years ago when she married Muhammad Noor Che Musa, a man 70 years her junior in northern Terengganu state, with pictures of the couple's wedding splashed across regional newspapers.

But Wook is now looking for new love as she fears that Muhammad, 37, who is undergoing voluntary drug rehabilitation treatment in the capital Kuala Lumpur, will leave her once the programme ends, she told the Star newspaper.

"Lately, there is this kind of insecurity in me," the paper quoted her as saying, showing a photograph of the smiling, wrinkled-faced centenarian wearing a Muslim headscarf.
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Smiley

Blonde Beats Speeding Tickets with "I'm Pretty" Sign

Ryan Smith
CBS News
Fri, 11 Sep 2009 17:27 UTC
Sign
© KIRO Seattle
Cops love her.

At least her friends think so. They told her to paint "ATTN: Police Please Do Not Pull Me Over Just Because I'm Pretty" on the rear windshield of her car because the bubbly blonde was constantly being pulled over.

Dasha, a Washington state resident who wasn't willing to give her last name, claims to have been stopped by police for speeding 30 times in the cities of Bellevue, Kirkland and Seattle, and only received two citations - both of which were dismissed.

Good luck? Maybe good looks is more like it.
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Smiley

911 Dispatcher Gives Birth on 9-11 at 9:11

Joyce Chen
The News Tribune
Sun, 13 Sep 2009 13:18 UTC
Puyallup, Washington - A 911 dispatcher gave birth on Friday, Sept. 11, at 9:11 p.m.

TaMara Sheppard of Tacoma started labor around noon and arrived at Puyallup's Good Samaritan Hospital at 7:30 p.m. before delivering baby Nina Morgan.

Sheppard had been scheduled for induced labor on Monday, but Nina Morgan decided to make an early grand entrance.

"The last time I looked at the clock (in the delivery room), the little hand was on nine and the big one was on eleven," Sheppard said. Then the doctor told her to push.

Recovering in the hospital on Saturday, Sheppard took the prodigious timing in stride. "It never even crossed my mind until my husband said, 'you're a 911 dispatcher, you had a baby on 9/11 at 9:11.'"

She cheekily added: "We were hoping she was 9 pounds, 11 ounces, on top of that."
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Coffee

Swedish Man Claims Drinking After Driving


United Press International
Fri, 11 Sep 2009 22:02 UTC
A Swedish court cleared a drunken driving suspect of wrongdoing after he told the jury he wasn't drunk until after the car was stopped.

The man, who was arrested after witnesses saw him swerving and followed his car until he pulled over, told the Lund District Court he drank more than 16 ounces of hard liquor at the side of the road while the witnesses weren't paying close attention, The Local reported Friday.

Police said the man was so intoxicated when they arrived that he had trouble standing. However, jurors said they determined the man's claims of post-driving drinking could not be disproved and the case was dismissed.
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Star

Croatia: Smokers can hit the cafes again

Igor Ilic
Reuters
Thu, 10 Sep 2009 13:21 UTC
Smoker_01
© REUTERS/Miguel VidalAn employee of a bank smokes a cigarette at his workplace in Pontevedra, northern Spain December 15, 2005.
The Croatian government moved on Thursday to loosen a controversial public smoking ban enforced only four months ago, after cafe owners complained it was crippling business.

According to a new proposal, due in parliament later this month, smoking in cafes will be allowed in special spaces that must be larger than 10 square meters (12 sq yards) but must not cover more than 20 percent of the overall premises.

The cafes unable to meet those conditions will be able to cater for smokers if they secure a proper ventilation system, a change likely to be welcomed by the country's more than one million smokers, or almost 25 percent of the population.
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Control Panel

Telkom's ADSL internet speed beaten by a pigeon


Business Day Online
Wed, 09 Sep 2009 17:37 UTC
Homing pigeon Winston has made history by beating a Telkom ADSL line in delivering 4GB of data from Howick to Hillcrest, outside Durban in far less time than it takes to download the data using the state-run Telkom's data network.

It took Winston 2 hours 6 minutes and 57 seconds, whereas the ADSL download was still under 5 % downloaded by the time the bird landed.
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Play

The Proof That Birds Are Secretly Composers

Jarbas Agnelli
Vimeo
Thu, 10 Sep 2009 17:29 UTC
A normal person sees these birds perched on electrical wires and worries about getting crapped on. Jarbas Agnelli looks at them and sees musical notes. Maybe he's smarter than the rest of us because the melody is utterly oh-so-sweet-that-I-could-doze-off-right-now.

Agnel explains that he was simply curious about what sort of tune he could create by transcribing the birds into musical notes. I'm more curious about what would happen if he tried the same with the freckles on someone's back...


Birds on the Wires from Jarbas Agnelli on Vimeo
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War Whore

Flashback Satire: Cheney Waits Until Last Minute Again To Buy Sept. 11 Gifts


The Onion
Thu, 11 Sep 2008 12:41 UTC
Cheney Bloomingdales
© The OnionThe vice president strolls happily down New York's Park Avenue, picking up the last few 9/11 presents for his friends at the Pentagon.
WASHINGTON - Busy dealing with important paperwork and other vice presidential duties in recent weeks, Dick Cheney was forced to put off until the last minute a cherished annual tradition: gift-shopping for his favorite holiday, 9/11.

"I looked at the calendar yesterday, and I couldn't believe my eyes - 9/11 is almost here!" a rosy-cheeked Cheney said upon returning to the White House Sunday with two giant bags overflowing with gift-wrapped boxes and big red bows. "It's the most wonderful time of the year."
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Magic Wand

Baby born at 9:09 on 9/9/09 weighs 9 lbs, 9 ounces


Associated Press
Thu, 10 Sep 2009 20:34 UTC
La Crosse, Wisconcin - No doubt. The nines have it. Chuck Berendes of La Crosse said he will never forget the birthday of this third child, born Wednesday on the ninth day of the nine month in the year 2009. Nor will Berendes and his wife, Polly, forget Henry Michael's arrival time - at 9:09 a.m. by Cesarean section at Franciscan Skemp Medical Center in La Crosse.
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Smiley

Ohio Judge Orders Shoplifters to Wear T-shirts


The Associated Press
Tue, 08 Sep 2009 09:00 UTC
A northwest Ohio judge has added neon green T-shirts to his sentencing repertoire.

Western District Court Judge Jeff Robinson in Fulton County is requiring some defendants to wear shirts announcing "I'm a thief" while they perform court-ordered community service.

The judge said public punishment can serve as a deterrent, especially during tough economic times when theft crimes seem to rise.

The shirts have mainly been ordered for convicted shoplifters.
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