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Bomb

Satire: Romney proudly explains how he's turned campaign around: 'I'm lying more.'


Romney and his staffers say the candidate’s new lying strategy has already paid significant dividends.
Boston - For weeks many Beltway insiders had written off the Romney campaign as dead, saying the candidate had dug himself into too deep a hole with too little time to recover. However, with a month to go before ballots are cast, Romney has pulled even with President Obama, and the former Massachusetts governor credits his rejuvenated campaign to one, singular tactic: lying a lot.

"I'm lying a lot more, and my lies are far more egregious than they've ever been," a smiling Romney told reporters while sitting in the back of his campaign bus, adding that when faced with a choice to either lie or tell the truth, he will more than likely lie. "It's a strategy that works because when I lie, I'm essentially telling people what they want to hear, and people really like hearing things they want to hear. Even if they sort of know that nothing I'm saying is true."

"It's a freeing strategy, really, because I don't have to worry about facts or being accurate or having any concrete positions of any kind," Romney added.

Romney said he is telling at least 80 percent more lies now than he was two months ago. Buoyed by his strong debate performance, which by his own admission included 40 or 50 instances of lying in one 90-minute period, the candidate said he will continue to "just openly lie [his] ass off" until the Nov. 6 election.

Whether it's a senior citizen, military family, working mother, businessman, or middle-class American, Romney said, he will lie to every single one of them as often as he can if that's what it takes to win the presidency.

"The best part is, it's really easy to lie," said Romney, who added that voicing whatever untruths come into his mind at any given moment is an easy thing to do because all it requires is opening his mouth and talking. "For example, if someone accuses me of having a tax plan that makes no discernable sense, I just lie and say that I do have a tax plan that makes sense. I also say there is a study that backs up my plan. See that? Simple. None of it is remotely true, of course, but now we're moving on to the next topic because people are usually too afraid to ask me straight up if I'm lying, because that is apparently not something you ask someone who is running for president."

Moreover, Romney said, if anyone does accuse him of lying, he will simply say he is not lying, which he noted is just an extension of the overall strategy.

"So, if I'm talking to retirees," Romney continued, "I lie and say I'll fight tooth and nail to save Medicare, which causes them to applaud. On the other hand, if I'm talking to the party base, I lie and say we have to cut Medicare, which causes them to applaud. So, you see, my goal here is to get everyone applauding for me, because if everyone is clapping their hands, standing on their feet, and shouting my name, that means they like me and will vote for me."

Romney's campaign advisers said that they adopted the strategy of lying a lot after realizing several things: (1) Lying sounds good, especially when the truth sounds bad, (2) the American media doesn't care if you lie, (3) the American people don't care if you lie, and (4) it's okay to lie if you are very, very desperate to become the president of the United States.

"If we're going to be carried into the White House, it's going to have to be on a wave of lies," Romney campaign manager Matt Rhoades said. "Most important, Mitt is comfortable when he is lying because then he doesn't have to say anything bad. And in this last month it's important that we just let Mitt be Mitt, whoever the hell that is."

"It's late in the game, but this campaign has finally found its groove," Rhoades added. "And that groove is lying. Bald-faced, make-no-apologies, dirty, filthy lying."

According to Romney, amidst all the lies, there is only one thing that remains true.

"I literally have no clue where I stand on any single issue at this point," said Romney, adding that when it comes to women's rights, gay rights, health care, the middle class, the economy, or the U.S. military, all he knows is how to lie about them. "I understand what other people want. And what I've learned, especially in the past week, is that in order to be a viable candidate for the White House, that's all you really need to know."

Following the interview, Romney told various reporters that, if elected, he would save the newspaper industry.
Black Cat 2

Dog adopts abandoned kitten

Yet another headlining case of an unexpected animal friendship recently surfaced in Jordan, Minnesota when a family discovered a kitten alone in their barn for whom they had little hope for survival. The family brought the young feline - now named Bootsie - into their home, and before long, their Pekingese dog, Mittens, began affectionately licking and nudging the kitten, until ultimately lying down beside him.

After three days, 4-year-old Mittens, who had not been pregnant in two years, developed milk for the feeble kitten and nursed Bootsie back to health.
Bootsie and Mittens
© Renee Jones Schneider
Bootsie (left) and Mittens (right) share a special bond.
Pat Weber, whose grandson discovered the abandoned charcoal-gray kitten, told the Star Tribune, "I couldn't believe it at first."
Smiley

Al Gore blames Obama debate disaster on the altitude!

Need a laugh? Al Gore went on television and blamed Obama's horrific performance during the debate last night on the altitude! This is epic. So according to Al Gore we should be very concerned should Obama negotiate any deals with any leaders in the capital cities of La Paz, Bolivia (11,942 ft); Quito, Ecuador (9,350 ft); Bogota, Colombia (8,612 ft); Mexico City, Mexico (7,350 ft) and Nairobi, Kenya (5,889 ft). For comparison Denver is 5,280 ft above sea level. For a full list of capital cities Obama should avoid if he gets a second term go here.

I have also figured out why our policy in Afghanistan is such a disaster. Kabul is higher than Denver at 5,873 ft.

Who let Al Gore out of his cage yesterday? Watch the video below and have a laugh!

Smiley

Mind-controlled tail wags based on your mood

Tail
© RocketNews24
Do friends never know how you're feeling based on facial cues?

Ever find yourself enviously eyeing your dog and its expressive posterior appendage?

Oh tailless one, you are in luck! From the makers of Necomimi mind-controlled cat ears comes Shippo, a mind-controlled tail that wags based on your mood.

Once attached to your backside, the mechanical moving tail is connected wirelessly to a brainwave sensor headset via bluetooth. When switched on, Shippo "waves with your 'mood'," letting the whole world know just how you feel regardless of your facial expression.

According to Neurowear, the Japan-based makers of this furry appendage, Shippo is designed to move vigorously when it senses deep concentration and slowly when brainwaves are perceived to be in a relaxed state. Your mood is even read and logged using Shippo's accompanied app which also tracks the user's location and shares that information via Facebook or Twitter. Although Necomimi cat ears are available for purchase, unfortunately, Shippo is still in the prototype stage and Neurowear hasn't announce a release date yet.
Question

Washington attorney: 'I have physically traveled in time'


Vancouver, Wash. - The new Bruce Willis movie Looper opens this weekend, in which Willis' character is sent back in time to kill himself.

And while most scientists say time travel isn't possible, a Washington attorney claims he's done it dozens of times as part of a secret Cold War project.

"I have physically traveled in time," says Andrew Basiago, an attorney in Vancouver, Wash. "We have - we did over 40 years ago."

Now Basiago is on a mission - to reveal what he calls a 40-year government cover-up - of Project Pegasus - where he says he was teleported back and sideways in time, dozens of times.

"I have the whole story, I have hundreds of facts," he says. "I can tell you what personnel were at what locations where and which travel device was being used."

And his time travel wasn't recent - it's when he was a kid.

"I entered the program officially in the fall of 1969 as a third grader, age 7," says Basiago.

He says he was one of 140 kids, 60 adults - chrononauts, including his dad, who he says joined him on his first jump.

"My dad held my hand, we jumped through the field of energy, and we seem to be moving very rapidly but there was also a paradox and we seemed to be going no where at all," he says.

The TV show Fringe aired a similar scene two years ago. A coincidence?
Smiley

Onion article cited as fact by Iran news agency

Fake Article
© The Onion.com
This fake article appeared on TheOnion.com on Sept. 24.
Chicago - A joke by the satirical website The Onion appears to have gotten lost in translation.

An Iranian news agency picked up - as fact - a story from the paper about a supposed Gallup survey showing an overwhelming majority of rural white Americans would rather vote for Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad than President Barack Obama. But it was made up, like everything in the just-for-laughs newspaper, which is headquartered in Chicago.

The English-language service of Iran's semi-official Fars news agency republished the story Friday, several days after it appeared in The Onion.

The Iranian version copied the original word-for-word, even including a made-up quote from a fictional West Virginia resident who says he'd rather go to a baseball game with Ahmadinejad because "he takes national defense seriously, and he'd never let some gay protesters tell him how to run his country like Obama does."

Homosexual acts are punishable by death in Iran, and Ahmadinejad famously said during a 2007 appearance at Columbia University that "in Iran we don't have homosexuals like in your country."
Dollar

Robbin in da Hood! Bank robbers toss cash during high speed chase

"Hundreds of bystanders swarmed the scene of a high-speed pursuit in South Los Angeles Wednesday as police tried to apprehend alleged robbers who were tossing money out of their getaway vehicle. "This isn't something we see every day," Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department spokesman Capt. Mike Parker said. "This definitely had some unique aspects to it." More than a dozen times during the pursuit, handfuls of cash were thrown out of the backseat window of a black Volvo SUV that authorities had pursued from the scene of an alleged armed bank robbery in the Canyon Country area....".

Ana Kasparian and Cenk Uygur break it down on The Young Turks.

Better Earth

Walter the crow becomes part of Ottawa family

Walter the Crow
© CBC
Walter the crow is free to come and go, but he likes to hang out in the trees near the Renaud home and around the neighbourhood school.
This past spring, an Ottawa family discovered an injured baby bird in the grass near a bike path and took it home to nurse it back to health.

Now, Walter the crow is able to fly, but that's about all that's ordinary about him.

"He's certainly my best friend in the animal kingdom. He's my best animal friend," said 11-year-old Livia Renaud.

"He's like another child in our family," said Livia's little brother, Zachary.

Free to come and go, but doesn't go far

The Renauds already had two cats and a couple of fish when they found the baby crow, so at first Livia's mother, Elissa Renaud, was hesitant to take him home. But in the end the family decided to take the plunge.

The plan was to nurse him back to health and let him back into the wild for good. The research the family did said that's what would probably happen.

However, it didn't quite work out that way.

Although Walter - who mainly feeds himself - is free to come and go as he pleases, he doesn't go far.
Smiley

British policeman baffled by moon

Moon
© News24
London - A British policeman put his colleagues on alert as he investigated a "suspicious bright light" - only to find it was the moon, an in-house magazine for the police reported on Wednesday.

Police magazine reported that the hapless officer only realised his blunder after warning his fellow constables in Worcestershire, central England, that he might require back-up.

The magazine's Dogberry column revealed: "While on night duty in Worcestershire by himself, a PC called up his sergeant to let him know that he was going up into the Clent Hills to investigate a 'suspicious bright light' that he could see shining from the other side of the hills.

"The call was for safety reasons as he might need back-up once he found the source.

"Twenty minutes later the PC called his sergeant back to reassure him that everything was ok and that he had found the source of the light.

"This diligent PC had in fact discovered the moon."

While the gaffe was once known only to the unnamed policeman's colleagues in the Worcestershire force, it has now been revealed to all 132,000 police rank-and-file officers in England and Wales who receive the magazine.
Smiley

Chinese Billionaire Sells Canned Fresh Air to Raise Awareness about the Environment

It was bound to happen at some point, I guess. Chen Guangbiao, a famous Chinese businessman and philanthropist, has recently launched a line of canned fresh air collected from various parts of China and Taiwan. The product is called "Chen Guangbiao: Nice Guy" and sells for about $0,80.
Can of Fresh Air?
© Oddity Central
It's no secret China has a huge air pollution problem, but while authorities don't seem to be taking any action to resolve it, billionaire Chen Guangbiao, aka "Brother Biao" is trying to raise awareness in a very original way. He has recently started selling canned fresh air collected from "revolutionary" areas of China, including Jinggang Mountain in Jiangxi Province and some ethnic minority areas and Taiwan. "One only has to open the can, directly 'drink' it or put the nose close to the can to breath deeply," Chen said.

He also mentioned there is a chip in the can, and during the "packaging process", when the negative oxygen ions reach a certain concentration the lid is triggered by the chip and closed. And since the air is compressed, it stays inside the can even without a lid, the quirky philanthropist claimed. Before the big launch of "Chen Guangbiao: Nice Guy" canned air, Brother Biao said he was confident of its success, because there are lots of people in big cities inhaling air mixed with vehicle exhaust every day who are dying for a breath of fresh air.