Don't Panic! Lighten Up!

Mr. Potato

HMS Queen Elizabeth Aircraft Carrier

Admiral Sir George Parr discusses the future of the British Navy...


At our best: study shows humans display highest cognitive abilities when trying to retrieve object dropped between car seats

lost keys
A study released Monday by neurologists at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology has concluded that human beings display their highest range of cognitive capabilities when attempting to retrieve an object accidentally dropped into the narrow space between car seats.

The groundbreaking research paper revealed that most individuals are able to perform extremely complex and otherwise unattainable feats of spatial awareness, tactile sensitivity, and problem solving when faced with reclaiming an item lost within the cramped slot between two automobile seats, or between either the driver or passenger seat and the vehicle's center console.

"While the average person only draws on about 10 percent of their maximum neural capabilities when engaging in most day-to-day challenges, our research showed that the same individual, when attempting to recover a cell phone or parking stub that has slid deep into the crack between car seats, uses nearly his or her entire brain," said professor of neuroscience and the study's lead author James DiCarlo, noting that test subjects utilized the uppermost limits of their perceptive, deliberative, and rational faculties when considering how to regain a wallet or sunglasses lying just beyond reach. "In fact, the instant that our subjects lost an item to one of a car's various crevasses, they immediately called up a battery of sensory sensitivities, planning abilities, and motor skills that the brain is, according to our studies, only able to unlock in these very scenarios."

"What we observed under these conditions represents the very pinnacle of the human brain's vast potential," DiCarlo added.

Et tu Putin!? And Other World Headlines from the Sott Satire Desk

Vlad the Impolite

Allegations that Vladimir Putin was a direct descendant of Vlad the Impaler were substantiated today. A leaked video from a Kremlin party clearly shows the Russian Premier avoiding the vol-au-vents (an obvious snub to the French) and attacking the cocktail sausages with a cocktail stick.


Putin truth pandemic hits White House

The White House spokesman who spoke of US unemployment being 37% and not 7%, is continuing to undergo psychiatric testing. An unnamed source stated he may be suffering from a 'truth based' affliction now known as the 'Putin pandemic.'


Harry Putin and the Chamber of 'trumped up charges'

J.K. Rowling, author of the hugely popular Harry Potter books, sensationally revealed that "He who shall not be named" - Lord Voldermont, was actually inspired by Vladimir Putin.


Putin Inspires Caesar Rewrite

Compliance with the new UN Cultural Correctness policy gained momentum today as audiences at the Globe theatre in Stratford-upon-Avon, England, were reported to be stunned as "et tu Putin!" was exclaimed in their revised adaptation of Shakespeares's Julius Caesar.

Putin' it out there: The photo-op that keeps on giving!

© Unknown
Vladimir Putin Riding Things...

I've got no excuse for this post other than I am a day drinker. Oh, and that I am suffering a bit from presidential envy.

Flying mattress saves cyclist from near death fall in Brazil


A Brazilian cyclist's incredible escape was caught on CCTV after a truck hit him causing him to catapult through the air before making a soft landing

A cyclist was knocked off his bike at speed by a passing truck - but miraculously a mattress fell off and broke his fall.

The unnamed Brazilian's brush with death was caught on a security camera, and can be seen around 20 seconds into the video.

It happened in the south-west town of Foz do Iguaçu as he rode along a busy road on St Patrick's Day.

But he had the luck of the Irish as he was catapulted from his bike only for the mattress to fly off the vehicle in the same instant and land perfectly underneath him as he hit the floor in a cloud of dust.

The man can be seen sitting astonished on top of the mattress wondering where it came from as onlookers arrive to see if he is okay.

He takes a minute to get to his feet but he is believed to have suffered just minor injuries from the incredible accident outside of a driving school.

Mutual admiration: bagpiper meets beluga whale

Bagpiper Tom Leigh plays music for beluga whales Juno, Naluark and Kela at Mystic Aquarium in Connecticut. At least one of the belugas appears to be big fan of pipe music. The whale seems both fascinated and puzzled by the mini-concert being offered by Tom. Maybe his family is from the Orkneys?


Ferocious sanctions continue: U.S. freezes Putin's Netflix account

In what was described as a major ramping up of sanctions, Secretary of State John Kerry announced on Tuesday that the United States had frozen Russian President Vladimir Putin's Netflix account, effective immediately.

"Unless and until Mr. Putin calls off the annexation of Crimea, no more 'House of Cards' or 'Orange Is the New Black' for him," Mr. Kerry said. "The United States will not stand by and reward the annexation of another sovereign nation with a policy of streaming as usual."

While all of the sanctions Mr. Kerry announced on Tuesday were Netflix-related, he warned Mr. Putin that "nothing is off the table."

"I'm sure I don't need to remind the Russian President that 'Game of Thrones' is about to come back for another season," he said. "As I have said, this thing could get very ugly, very fast."

CNN apologizes for briefly airing non-flight 370 story, i.e. something to do with Crimea, Ukraine, and Russia‏

CNN apologized to its viewers today for briefly airing a story on Sunday that had nothing to do with the missing Malaysia Airlines flight.

The story, which caused thousands of viewers to contact the network in anger, had something to do with Crimea, Ukraine, and Russia.

In the official apology, CNN chief Jeff Zucker wrote, "On Sunday, we briefly cut away from our nonstop coverage of Flight 370 to talk about something else. We're not going to sugarcoat it: we messed up. CNN regrets the error and promises our viewers that it won't happen again."

Two elephants reunited after more than 20 years

Shirley and Jenny
Not a new story but worth watching again and again! So amazingly touching - the story of Shirley and Jenny, two crippled elephants reunited at The Elephant Sanctuary in Tennessee after a 22-year separation. The bonding was immediate, intense and unforgettable between the two former circus elephants. But long after the cameras were turned off, the wondrous moments would continue...

Easter Egg

Extremely rare parrot's crushed egg repaired with glue and tape, hatches a few weeks later

© Unknown
It was jokingly called the "world's largest, fattest and least-able-to-fly parrot" by Douglas Adams, but make no mistake, the kakapo is truly remarkable
Conservationists in New Zealand are celebrating after an extremely rare kakapo chick hatched from a cracked egg held together by nothing more than tape and glue. The bird joins a global kakapo population of just 125 birds - but what makes these animals so unique and why are they worth saving?

To describe a kakapo as concisely as possible you'd say that they're a species of flightless parrot: one that is ground-dwelling, nocturnal and thoroughly rotund.

However, this barely even scrapes the surface of the kakapo's strangeness - a quality that is in no small way thanks to the fact they developed in the isolated environment of the islands of New Zealand.

This evolutionary upbringing accounts for some the bird's odder physical characteristics, with the abundance of food and an absence of ground-based predators encouraging the kakapo (the name translates as 'night owl') to sacrifice the power of flight in favour of becoming more "thermodynamically efficient" - that is to say, they piled on the pounds and at 2kg to 4kg are the heaviest parrot around.