Don't Panic! Lighten Up!


New Zealand man fights off shark, stitches up own leg, goes to the pub, then back to work next day

James Grant... preparing to get back in the water!?
A junior doctor has recounted how he fended off a shark attack and stitched up his own wound on the beach before enjoying a pint of beer at a nearby pub.

James Grant was spearfishing with friends near Colac Bay at the base of New Zealand's South Island on Saturday when he was attacked by what he believed was a sevengill shark.

The 24-year-old was in about 2 metres (6ft) of murky water when he felt a tug on his leg, which he initially thought was a friend playing a trick on him. "I looked behind to see who it was and got a bit of a shock," he told Radio New Zealand.

He didn't see the shark and had no idea how big it was, he said, adding that he thought it could have been about 20cm (8in) across the jaw. However, he felt no fear. "[I thought] bugger, now I have to try and get this thing off my leg," he said.

He quickly made it on to rocks on the shore, where he took off the wetsuit - borrowed from a friend - and saw bites up to 5cm long.

Grant gave himself stitches using a first aid kit he kept in his vehicle for pig hunts. He and his friends then went to the Colac Bay Tavern, where he was given a bandage because he was dripping blood on the floor.

He already had a knife in his hand and stabbed at the shark. "I am not sure how effective it was. I guess it let go so something must have happened. [I] put a few nicks in it."

Juice Rap News is back! And now it's time for 'The News', featuring Sage Francis - 'cause truth rhymes

juice rap news

"The News". It's the most viral meme of reality on the planet: if it's not on "the News" it didn't happen - right? Welcome back to Season 2 of Juice Rap News, in which intrepid anchorman Robert Foster embarks on a new era of adversarial rap journalism by casting a critical eye on the paradigm that shapes our collective reality each night; featuring a smorgasbord of guests, from the stalwart General Baxter and Terence Moonseed having a friendly chat on about the Trans-Pacific Partnership (TPP), to our special correspondents in Russia and the Colonies.

Meanwhile, what is going on in Finance, Show­biz and the Weather? Special surprise guests are in tow to cover all this and more, helping Robert delve deeper into this very odd phenomenon of 'The News' itself.
Mr. Potato

Which motorbike helmet is best for secret trysts? French President Hollande has spoken

A French crash helmet company has publicly thanked President Francois Hollande for wearing one of their products on his way to secret trysts with actress Julie Gayet.

Hollande, 59, was pictured wearing the 'Dexter' helmet made by French company Motoblouz on his way to clandestine meetings with his 41-year-old mistress.

Mr Hollande, on his way to a now, not so secret rendez-vous
Since the photos were published by France's Closer magazine when they exposed his affair two weeks ago, the Dexter helmets have sold out across France.

The helmet is now listed on the company's website as the Dexter President, where it is being billed as a 'Star des Medias' (Media Star).

Now Motoblouz boss Thomas Thumerelle has taken out a quarter-page ad in French daily Liberation to thank the president for choosing his product to his his face from papparazzi.

The ad reads: "Thank you Mr President - for having used our helmet for your personal protection. We salute your choice of a French-made helmet for your scooter outings. And you will find other models on our website for your future escapades."

Grammy Awards 2014: Spoiler alert - leaked clip!

Check out this leaked clip from the 2014 Grammy Awards

**Spoiler Alert**

Illuminati Puppet of the Year! Find out who wins...


Heart transplant patient falls in love at first sight with sister of the man whose heart now beats in his body

Brought together: Connor Rabinowitz and his girlfriend Erin Roberts were brought together when Connor was transplanted with the donor heart of Erin's brother Kellen
Connor Rabinowitz fell in love at first sight with the sister of the man whose heart was now beating inside his chest.

Lucky to get the donor heart of Kellen Roberts after his health collapsed because of a genetic heart condition, Rabinowitz was bowled over when he met Erin - just over a year after his transplant.

Although he was only 17-years-old at the time and she was 26 when they first met in 2004, the electric chemistry between the pair persisted until they got together in 2010 - with both feeling that deceased Kellen helped them to become lovers.

'We had an instant connection - we both feel that Kellen bought us together,' Connor said to the UK's Daily Mirror.

Connor was a fit teenager when he began to suffer flu-like symptoms in November of 2004.

One morning he woke in cold sweats to actually see his enlarged heart beating up through his chest and was rushed to hospital.

Doctors told the Minnesota teen that he would need a heart transplant or he would die and so he began the terrifying wait to see if a donor organ would become available.

Sadly for the Roberts family, but luckily for Connor, Kellen passed away after he suffered head injuries during a drunken fight in his home state of South Dakota.

Comment: Food for thought:

Transplanted Organs Impart Memories Onto Recipients

Do Our Organs Have Memories?
Do Hearts Have Memories? Transplant Patient Gets Craving for Food Eaten by Organ Donor

Magic Hat

Nun gives birth, says she had no idea she was pregnant

And then, naturally, names the baby after Pope Francis
© Getty Images

Fans of Discovery Health's I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant will love this: a Salvadoran nun gave birth in Italy this week, claiming she had absolutely no idea she was pregnant.

She said she was in her convent in Campomoro when she felt stomach cramps and was rushed to a hospital in the nearby city of Rieti, AFP reports. She ended up giving birth to a boy.

Nathan the dog goes Gangnam Style for adoption

© YouTube
Greenville - You probably wouldn't want to watch yet another Gangnam Style parody video, there's been so many. But hey, you haven't seen Nathan doing his thing yet. He's the very best so far!

The cutest Chinese Crested dog ever, Nathan is famous for his dancing. A former resident at Bald is Beautiful Dog Rescue, this cute little guy was up for adoption for quite some time.

The good news is, after being fostered in several different homes over the four years of his life and getting the label "unadoptable," this little guy has finally found his forever home with his latest foster mom.

Could be his incredible moves that did the trick, as according to the dog rescue, he just loves to "wiggle it" in the chair for treats!

Pet parrot squeals on drink-driving suspect

Pet parrot squeals on drink-driving suspect
Police in Mexico City said a drunken driving suspect stopped at an alcohol checkpoint was betrayed by his pet parrot, which told police "he's drunk."

Investigators said Guillermo Reyes, 49, was pulled over last week at a routine checkpoint in the city and officers heard a voice in the car repeating "he's drunk, he's drunk," Spanish-language newspaper El Universal reported Tuesday.

Police said they looked inside the vehicle, expecting to find another person, but instead discovered Reyes' pet parrot.

Reyes failed a sobriety test and was arrested on a drunken driving charge. The parrot was supposed to be taken away by Animal Surveillance Brigade officers, but Reyes told them the bird is with him at all times and could suffer stress if separated.

The parrot was allowed to accompany Reyes to jail.
Arrow Down

Society cannot be dumbed down any further say experts - human intelligence on downward trajectory

G I Joe: Retaliation already seems deep
Culture is reaching a point of maximum dumbness, it has been claimed.

Researchers at the Institute for Studies have warned that it will soon be impossible to dumb down news and entertainment media any further.

Professor Henry Brubaker said: "Most television is about cooking, the paranormal or poor people having arguments. The news is just opinions punctuated with pictures of 'extreme weather'.

"The only books being published are ghost-written celebrity biographies or thrillers about serial killers called things like 'The Face Collector'. Apart from that people just read lists of '10 facts about muscle growth' off websites.

"The problem is that although our culture cannot get any stupider, human intelligence may continue on its downward trajectory.

"The result will be a world in which nobody understands anything. Even a film about The Rock driving a jeep into explosions will leave viewers confused and angry at its pretentiousness."

However TV channel boss Mary Fisher said: "Don't worry, I've just commissioned Jamie & Jimmy's Paranormal Antiques Auction Sex News.

"And I'm confident we can go even lower. We must keep striving to find new depths of idiocy."

Tortoise beats rabbit in China pet ski-off

Rabbit and Tortoise
© AFP Photo
A pet rabbit and a pet tortoise take part in a skiing competition for pets and their owners in Sanmenxia, north China's Henan province.
Beijing: A tortoise beat a rabbit in a skiing competition held for pets and their owners in northern China, a report said on Tuesday.

Cats and dogs faced off against a menagerie including a rooster and a yellow duck in a race to the finish line on snowy slopes in China's Hebei province, the state-run China News Service said.

The 40 human competitors were allowed to place their animals on skis or sledges, or could guide the pet with a lead while skiing, the report said.

In an unexpected outcome akin to an ancient Greek fable, a tortoise beat a rabbit, with the shelled reptile eventually claiming third place overall, the report said.

"Because the rabbit loved jumping and didn't follow its owner's commands, it was overtaken by the tortoise," it said.