Don't Panic! Lighten Up!


No wonder the US is spying on Merkel. I mean, you never know

Angela Merkel
© The Independent, UK
The reason there's now such a vast network of global surveillance, we're told by British and American governments, is it's essential in defending our security against terrorist plots. So that must be why the US authorities tapped the phone calls of Angela Merkel.

She doesn't look the type, but that's always the way with radical Islamic Jihadists who've worked their way into being Chancellor of Germany so they can inflict glorious holy war upon the infidels, so we should be thankful the Feds were on to her.

They've probably already decoded her sinister messages, declaring, "This call here, where she says 'We must maintain the strength of the euro for the fiscal year 2013/14', it means 'Kill the bastards. Kill them all without mercy. And don't forget to strap the explosive to your chest extra tight as that Velcro tends to come undone, and if those explosives spill all over the bus you'll feel a right fool'."

There are other possibilities I suppose. Maybe the FBI suspects she's part of the Berlin criminal underworld. So while she's in her office late at night, Obama's in a van outside listening to her make calls such as, "Oi Nobby. I think Plod's on to us. We've got an informer and I suspect Francois Hollande. If he asks any questions don't say nothing, he might be wearing a wire."

Or she might be dealing. All evening, when the other German ministers think she's preparing her speech for a summit somewhere, she's weighing out grass and telling customers, "This is good shit. At the G20 this was everywhere, the Prime Minister of Japan was ripped all through the agreement on fishing rights."

Gator goes shopping at Walmart

© MyNews13
The 6-foot gator was found by the sliding glass door at the Walmart on Hiawassee Road and Orange Blossom Trail.
Orlando -- An interesting shopper was found outside of an Orange County Walmart late Saturday night.

A 6-foot gator was found by the sliding glass door at the Walmart on Orange Blossom Trail in Apopka.

It got a lot of attention from customers and workers.

Walmart employees eventually had to lock the door because it kept sliding open.

Robin Watkins was inside shopping around when someone told her there was a gator outside, so she and many others went to check it out. Watkins says she never felt scared; it was just cool to see.

"It was just... it was neat. But I am glad they locked the doors for safety because I do have my child with me," Watkins said.

Watkins said she believes there is a lake nearby, and that's most likely where the gator came from.

After a while, the gator walked into the woods.
Cell Phone

Site helps you 'drunk dial' congressmembers


The creators of a new website think you might want to take out your frustrations with the government shutdown by "drunk dialing" a member of Congress to vent about it.

On its homepage, encourages you, "whether you are a furloughed worker, being forced to work for free, or just fed up at Capitol Hill" to "call and yell at a random member of Congress."

While the site can be used by anyone, of course, its name implies that you should imbibe to get your juices flowing, first.
Black Cat 2

Cat helps dog pull off daring escape from kitchen


Houdini dog escapes Humane Society

Colorado Springs - A Colorado dog named Houdini apparently just couldn't wait to get a new home, so he went out and found one. The clever dog's getaway was captured on camera.

The five-year-old Australian shepherd figured out how to open his kennel and then two doors at the Humane Society of the Pikes Peak Region.
Take 2

Documenting the final days of the global warming scam

A satire on the exposure of the global warming scam.
People 2

German groom drives off, leaving new bride at gas station

Bride on stop
© Unknown
A newlywed German man had some explaining to do after he left his bride behind at a highway gas station as the two returned home to Berlin after honeymooning in France.

The woman was sleeping in the back of the couple's van when her husband pulled into the gas station late Thursday in the town of Bad Hersfield.

Her husband didn't realize that she had gotten up to use a restroom and he drove off before she returned, assuming she was still sleeping.

He didn't realize she wasn't in the van until he was about 2½ hours down the road.

He called police, who assured him she was patiently waiting.

Bizarre cargo impounded at Mombasa port

Bizarre Cargo
© Standard Digital
Bizarre cargo impounded in Mombasa.
Kenya: Horror and fear struck the port of Mombasa Thursday when Kenya Revenue Authority (KRA) inspectors uncovered a container with bizarre looking implements, masks and trophies.

The cargo imported from China sparked apprehension in Mombasa, where belief in occult and clairvoyant sciences is strong as port officials linked the cargo an unnamed senior politician.

However, some analysts think the cargo which includes fake skulls, skeletons and limbs is a diversionary to conceal some other cargo while others associate it with Halloween.

KRA has launched investigations to unravel the link between the cargo and the politician.

Millionaire bet: Two Russians drink £130,000 worth of alcohol. Are you game?

Two Russian multimillionaire argued for the biggest check in one of the most expensive bars of London. After several hours of competition one of them won with a margin of £ 2,5 million

A pair of Russian multi-millionaires apparently went head to head to see who could splash the most cash in a top Mayfair bar - ending up with a combined bar bill of more than £130,000.

Owners of Kitsch London claim the mystery pair spent a small fortune trying to outdo each other in just three hours on the club's opening night.

According to onlookers, two arch rivals, in their 30s, racked up a bar bill that would buy a one-bed flat in the capital in just a few hours - and didn't even drink it all.

The men arrived just before midnight and started ordering large numbers of Dom Perignon and Cristal champagne.

Every time one table would order a set of drinks the other man would add more on his next order to beat the other.

By the end of the night, the bills were an eye-watering £66,778.91 and £64, 279.70 - making a grand total of £131,058.61.

The first man's bill for £66,778.91 included 30 Magnums of Cristal, 20 Bottles of Dom Perignon, 20 Crack Baby shots, six Espresso Martinis, 10 shots of 18-year-old Glenmorangie whiskey, eight bottles of mineral water, seven bottles of 1998 vintage Krug champagne and two magnums of Belvedere vodka.

The other bill for £64,279.70 included 64 bottles of Dom Perignon at £325 each which came to £20,800 on its own. There was also 25 bottles of Crystal champagne, 16 of Armand de Brignac Ace of Spades champagne, 12 bottles of Dom Perignon Rose, 7 Mohitos, 10 bottles of Peroni, 20 cans of Red Bull, six Bellinis, six bottles of water, two bottle of Chivas 18-year-old whiskey, six bottles of Krug Grande Cuvee, and eight bottles of Belle Epoque Rose.

Psychiatrists deeply concerned for 5% of Americans who approve of congress

Noting that the individuals in question may be extremely mentally disturbed or suffering from a serious psychological illness, the nation's psychiatrists announced Wednesday that they are deeply concerned for the estimated 5 percent of Americans who were found in nationwide polls this week to approve of the U.S. Congress.

"With numerous members of Congress refusing to negotiate an end to the shutdown in the face of widespread federal furloughs and a looming deadline to avoid defaulting on government debt, we are extremely concerned for the mental health of those Americans who responded, 'Yes, we think Congress is doing a good job,'" psychiatrist Dr. Donald Levin said in a press conference this morning, telling reporters that the estimated 15.5 million Americans who approve of Congress are likely "very troubled" citizens who may in fact be experiencing psychotic episodes or delusional thoughts.