Don't Panic! Lighten Up!S


Smiley

No kidding: Oregon relieves goats of their duties, costs city $20,000


RT
Sat, 27 Feb 2016 14:09 UTC
Goats
© Steve Dipaola / Reuters
A herd of goats have been relieved of their duties in Oregon for failing to live up to the city's grazing expectations.

Seventy-five goats were hired from a goat rental company by the city of Salem as a greener and more cost effective way to maintain nine acre Minto-Brown Island Park, which had become overgrown with invasive plants, the Statesman Journal reports.

However the goats didn't deliver the expected results: a public works report recently presented to Salem City Council said that the animals ate the offending leaves, but left the brambles which had to be cleared away by a hired, human crew.
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TV

Uneducated Americans declare support for the Trump on Jimmy Kimmel

Kali Holloway
Alternet
Fri, 26 Feb 2016 18:49 UTC
donald trump
After winning the Nevada Republican caucuses, Donald Trump used his victory speech to show his affection for the poorly educated among his fan base.

"We won the evangelicals," Trump said. "We won with young. We won with old. We won with highly educated. We won with poorly educated; I love the poorly educated."

In response, late-night host Jimmy Kimmel unveiled a totally fake, but pretty spot-on campaign ad created by Trump's uneducated—and proud of it!—supporters.

These champions of Trump believe the U.S. needs a "leeder," a president who will take on the "terists," and lock down the "Mexico/Merica" border.

Sure, it's a gag, but with 20 percent of Trump backers going on record with their belief that slavery was a good thing this country gave up on way too soon, it's probably not so far off the mark.

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Road Cone

Taxonomy of less than ideal male friends

Steve Kamb
ArtOfManliness
Tue, 03 Aug 2010 00:00 UTC
dunce
We all know "That Guy," and we all have at least one in our group of friends.

He's the one scalawag who is generally pleasant to hang out with except for one glaringly painful characteristic. Although there are different species of That Guy, some far more deplorable than others, they all have one thing in common: they often piss their friends off without knowing it.

Today, you'll learn about the various forms of That Guy, how to react should you find one in your midst, and how to evolve in case you are That Guy.
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Bulb

Win-win for America: Obama signs executive order to relocate Congress to Guantánamo Bay

Andy Borowitz
The New Yorker
Tue, 23 Feb 2016 00:00 UTC
Obama
© Pete Souza/The White House
Making good on one of his key campaign promises, President Obama signed an executive order on Tuesday relocating the United States Congress to Guantánamo Bay, Cuba.

The President seemed to relish signing the order, calling the relocation a "win-win for America," and indicating that Congress could be moved to its new headquarters "immediately."

"We don't envision doing any renovations to the facility down there," he said. "It is ready to house Congress right now."

The President did not specify what the current U.S. Capitol building would be used for in the future, but he hinted that it could be the setting for historic reënactments in the manner of Colonial Williamsburg.
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Ice Cream Bar

Crow demands ice cream from vendor in India

Ben Hooper
UPI
Tue, 23 Feb 2016 19:03 UTC
Crow and ice cream
An insistent crow paid a visit to an ice cream stand in India and refused to stop calling out until it was given one of the frozen treats.

Video of the crow's visit to an ice cream stand in Pondicherry shows the bird perched on the edge of the stand and calling out for the attention of the amused vendor.

The smiling vendor makes the crow wait for a moment before getting out a small cup of ice cream and a spoon.

The man uses the spoon to feed the crow ice cream a little bit at a time.

The uploader said the crow, which was caught on camera last fall, makes daily visits to the ice cream stand to get a beak-full of frozen goodness.

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Smiley

VR headset will allow Facebook users to fight to the death in the comment sections


Waterford Whispers News
Tue, 23 Feb 2016 04:22 UTC
Mark Zuckerberg
© Waterford Whispers News
Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg has today confirmed that one of the Oculus Rifts' biggest features will be to allow irate Facebook users battle it out to the death in the social network's many comment sections.

Speaking at the Mobile World Congress in Barcelona, the billionaire CEO said the virtual reality headset will put 'keyboard warriors' right into the comment sections to 'battle it out', settling heated debates the 'good old fashioned way'.

"Allowing users to virtually fight one another was the number one request when we bought Oculus Rift two years ago," he said. "Now, people will be able to engage eachother in armed combat, instead of debating logically with words and wiki excerpts."

Not only will heated comment sections become more real and violent, users will be allowed to make virtual love to one another through their Facebook accounts.

"We are bringing back the poke," Mr Zuckerberg added. "And I don't mean a finger poke; if you know what I mean. Facebook users who are in a relationship will be able to perform sexual intercourse with one another, no matter where they are in the world."

Facebook's new VR headset is due to be launched later this year with a retail price of €130.
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Clock

Retired British couple refuses to live in same time zone as their neighbours

Siobhan Fenton
The Independent
Fri, 19 Feb 2016 21:23 UTC
clock time zones
© Getty The Greenwich Shepherd Gate Clock at the Royal Observatory in Greenwich on March 26, 2012 in London, England
Pensioners Jim and Barabara Casey are rebelling against the government and living in a time zone of their own

Coming home from holiday can be a disappointment at the best of times.

The inevitable return to normal routine, colder climes and everyday life is cherished by few. However, one couple in Cumbria have taken the post-holiday blues to a whole other level, by bringing a new time zone home with them.

Following a holiday in Tenerife, Jim and Barbara Casey realised that they enjoyed being one hour ahead of GMT so much that they'd keep the time zone when they returned to the UK.

The couple have reset their clocks and fully committed to Tenerife time. They say that there are many perks to the practice, including getting the best seats in restaurants and avoiding crowds and traffic jams.

They've termed their practice WARP; Winter Adjustment for Retired People.

Mr Casey told The Daily Telegraph: "We find it great, it makes the day a bit longer. We are on continental time and we can never be late. There are so many benefits to it. When we go out to a restaurant here for lunch then there's nobody there so we get served first and get the best seats. We miss a lot of the rush hour traffic too and it means when we go shopping there's always somewhere to park."
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Question

Duck or rabbit?

Chloe Farand
The Independent, UK
Sun, 14 Feb 2016 10:15 UTC
Duck or a rabbit
© Wikimedia Commons What do you see? A duck or a rabbit?
What do you see: a rabbit? or a duck?

More than a 100 years after it was first sketched, a drawing has sparked huge reaction after being shared on social media.

Some see a rabbit and others will see a duck - but are you able to see both alternatively?

What you see (and how fast you see it) could indicate how quickly your brain works - and how creative you are.

The duck-rabbit drawing was first used by American psychologist Joseph Jastrow in 1899 to make the point that perception is not only what one sees but also a mental activity.
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USA

John Oliver's takedown of voter ID laws


Vox
Mon, 15 Feb 2016 16:37 UTC

John Oliver's Last Week Tonight is back — with an incredible takedown of controversial voter ID laws from around the country.

"In recent years, some states have made voting easier — for instance, three states now hold their elections almost entirely by mail, and 30 states plus DC now let you register to vote online," Oliver said. "Sadly, others have gone in the opposite direction — because depending on who you are and where you live, you may face new obstacles to voting."

Specifically, Oliver looked at laws that require a photo ID to vote.
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Blue Planet

Joy Camp: Conspiracy Guy sez 'the Earth is flat!'

Joy Camp
YouTube
Wed, 10 Feb 2016 14:41 UTC
Joy Camp
© Joy Camp
The Conspiracy Guy takes on some ballers.

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