© Justin Sullivan/Getty ImagesCalifornia Governor Gavin Newsom
"We believe in free speech and freedom here in the Golden State," said Newsom while nibbling on a 3000-dollar broasted hummingbird with stem cell-infused bordelaise. "Here in California, you're free to wear masks at all times, pay lots of taxes, give gay porn to elementary school kids, turn in your guns, and all kinds of other classic American pastimes! Yay, freedom!"
The governor went on to warn that any disagreement with his opinion of California's freedoms would result in prosecution and prison time. "Disagreeing with me is anti-American and fascist," he said while sampling his main course of live baby goat.
Independent studies have confirmed Newsom's claim, although it is unclear whether the researchers who ran the study were just trying to avoid getting arrested by Newsom. "Our research places California at number 1 in a list of the freest places in the whole entire universe," said one nervous-looking scientist.
At publishing time, rumors had surfaced that Newsom was planning to run for President in his quest to make the entire country as free as California.
It has and is being destroyed by the stupidity of Governors like Newsom and Schwarzenegger and Reagan. I was fortunate to be transferred by my company to Colorado where at least there is a focus on healthy mountain climbing and biking.