Four years ago, the UK's Daily Express revealed to the world one of the Kremlin's best-kept secrets: Russian President Vladimir Putin is insecure about his height. One year ago, the New Yorker's Robin Wright confirmed this, using her astute knowledge of Putin's inner psyche to conclude: "Putin is still a little man strutting to be one of the big boys."
This information continues to be relevant, and several sources within the U.S. and UK intelligence communities have confirmed to us that it is perhaps the key piece of intelligence that will help the free and democratic world win the New Cold War. While they couldn't share all their plans with us for reasons of national security, they did tell us one thing: part of the plan involves interfering in the elections of as many foreign nations as possible in order to 'elect' tall leaders (like Trump at 6'3", Imran Khan at 6'2", and Aleksandar Vucic at 6'6"). The hope is that the intimidating height of such competitors will slowly wear on the Russian president's self-image until he does something to catastrophically weaken his stranglehold on Russian politics, thus paving the way for the election of someone more willing to sell Russia to the highest bidder, like Alexey Navalny.
Here's what the Express said at the time, quoting their source in the Kremlin:
The Russian president was hosting a group women at the presidential palace in Moscow to celebrate International Woman's Day. However, Putin's aides forgot to tell the invited group not to wear high-heels, leaving several of the guests towering over the Russian leader - who is famously self-conscious about his height. A Kremlin insider said strict rules dictate no one can be taller than the president - who is believed to be between 5ft 2" and 5ft 5" - in official photos.SOTT.net can confirm that this insider was subsequently ferreted out by the FSB and is currently serving time in Putin's personal secret gulag, where he is forced daily to repeat the phrase, "President Putin is the greatest and tallest leader the world has ever known." Our own Russian sources tell us that the women photographed with the Russian president have not been seen since the unfortunate event. Their whereabouts remain unknown - even to our highly-placed sources within the Kremlin. Only Putin knows their fate.
"That's why his bodyguards are always shorter then [sic] he is, to give the impression Putin is a tall person," the source revealed. However that diktat appears to have been ignored in the most recent images of Putin, which show a handful of the 14 invited women dressed smartly but with accompanying high heels. According to the insider, the women were told to bend down during the photo call to make Putin appear slightly taller.
"They were told to try and squat down a little bit during the official photo session," the source said. They added: "Fourteen women were selected and invited to the Kremlin to take part in the official meeting with [the] president. In line with Kremlin rules, no one can be taller than he is to avoid causing embarrassment in pictures and video."
But how have things been going for the last few years? Not well. Putin is reportedly FURIOUS that a string of official Kremlin photographers have "systematically and unashamedly" refused to follow official Kremlin policy. Just see for yourself. By viewing the following documentary evidence, you may conclude that there simply is no such policy in the Kremlin and that perhaps Putin is not insecure about his stature. But if that is what you believe, then Putin has won the battle for your mind. No, the only possible explanation is that each of these photographers have suffered a fate worse than the most pitiful of Comrade Stalin's victims.
In the above photo, only the man on the lower left followed the Kremlin's orders to crouch lower than the height of Putin. He has been promoted to boss of the entire shipyard while the rest have lost their jobs. The photographer has gone missing. Kremlin insiders suspect a plot by imperialist counterrevolutionaries to infiltrate the Kremlin's official Department of Photography, but the sheer number of photographer-spies has them scratching their heads as to how the CIA could possibly have such a high success rate.
If all that wasn't enough, Putin was reportedly FURIOUS after his new, one hundred and thirty-seventh official photographer, Andrey Andreevich Androv, 23 years old, forgot to chop of the legs of Valentin Uryupin this March 26, before snapping this photo of the young Artistic Director and Principal Conductor of the Rostov-on-Don Symphony Orchestra, and winner of the Presidential Prize for Young Culture Professionals, with Putin.
Mr. Androv had previously taken the following photograph, expertly selecting only the women equal to or less than Putin's height. Putin prides himself on Caesarian clemency, so on account of Andrey's lack of experience, the presence of a single tall man in the background was forgiven.
Luckily, however, our sources inside the Kremlin tell us that young Andrey made it back into Putin's favor after snapping the following photograph of the president with artist Francheska Yarbusova, winner of the Presidential Prize for Writing and Art for Children and Young People.
Stay strong, Andrey. The world is on your side. After all, if you lose, Putin wins. And that can never, ever happen. Just think of the children.
Reader Comments
*Or a chess game*** (I might have a chance but odds are below 15%).
** I should know, for I've never had one and I'm shorter than he is!
*** Or even in tiddly winks.****
****I might have a chance in pool.
RC
Appearance can offer clues to character, personality, purpose, intelligence et al, but the obsession with Trump's hands and hair or with the 'importance' attached to those who are attractive, musical, athletic, wealthy, 'famous', etc. is embarrassing and childish.
I like Putin. If he's half what the Oliver Stone, Kondrashov, and other (honest) documentaries show, he's rather amazing and quite admirable (despite several flaws re women, tradition, religion, gay/trans). He saved his country and seeks peace in the world.
The article is ridiculous in it's absurdity, just like the stories the MSM expect us to believe about Putin....
I say more please, I want to hear more stories that sott can source from it's informants deep inside the Kremlin!
Do any of the sources have anything to say about his wealth? I hear he might be worth $500 billion and probably has it all stashed in the artic circle in coins, the weight of which has long been suspected to be the main culprit leading to the slow shift of the magnetic north pole!
Thank you for making me laugh, mr. Stenographov. Your surname is priceless BTW.
While Vladimir Putin really doesn't give a darn about anything that's written about him, as since he got off the western NWO bus to nowhere, western puppet media gas been on his case, their vitriol and fake stories -- endless!
So after being called a Hitler, called out as a mass murderer and the lord alone knows what else-- he's been on the receiving end of the worst insults any leader has endured in modern day history!
If anything, Putin is rare amongst global leaders, forthright and consistent, he works like a Trojan because he's genuinely dedicated to his country, his people and global peace.
Strong within himself, he knows who he is -- he's never rattled and always on top of any situation. Neither good looks nor height, nor any physical attribute maketh a Man! -- Cannot add even a cubit to who he is as a Man!
As for Putin, farsighted and deeply compassionate of all human suffering -- if the Nobel Peace Prize was still as noble as it once was purported to be, Putin would've already won it many times over, if one only considers his constant calls for global cooperation, for solving conflicts via the negotiation table with any head of state -- his doors are always open!
No for sure, in the West, envy of Putin is rabid bordering psychosis-- because Putin dared to march to the beat of his own drums not that of a mindless global cabal! Neither Russia, nor Putin is For Sale and hence Putin is a shining example to global puppet leaders, of what a global statesman should be! So yes, as Sott said, Lighten Up and don't Panic! -- for the World still has man like Vladimir Putin!