In my long career as a political correspondent I honestly can't remember more buzz and excitement than that currently being generated by this looming election campaign. What's that Marr, I hear you say, have you finally lost your mind? -Well, no, I haven't: I'm not actually talking about you lot, the much put-upon general public - the buzz to which I refer is the buzz created, maintained and enjoyed by us: the newspaper and television correspondents! Yes, we, the humble servants of the media-behemoths are positively salivating at the prospect of live debates between the three major parties . Can you imagine the amount of airtime we will spend, carefully analysing and breaking down those bland, carefully-rehearsed answers the three leaders will give to our inane and carefully-vetted questions?
And make no mistake, although you, the general public have never before felt quite so apathetic, quite so cynical, and utterly detached from the political scene - we, the mass media have never felt so juiced and close to the action. I say, hoorah! -That has got to be great news for everyone! -Every one of us in the media that is!
Of course, there won't be a true debate on anything that really matters - that's not the point of personality-led politics: so, even though the vast majority of UK citizens don't want any part of a European Union: I'm afraid you'll have to lump it - because all three major parties are dead-set on further integration; and although a majority of the UK citizenry are skeptical about man-made climate change: Again, I'm afraid you'll have to lump it - because all 3 parties will steadfastly refuse to enter a debate about the issue; and finally, although in some quarters, there are huge concerns about the increasing erosion of civil rights and the so-called on-going implimentation of a Big Brother State: Tough-titty -there will be no debate on this issue: But, I say to you, Joe Public: just wise up - this is going to be a media bonanza. The debates (or absense of them) don't actually matter - politics stopped being about issues a long, loong time ago. Nowadays, elections are fascinating only to see who's going to be the next public face of corporate-led policy. So get used to it! You may as well just take a chill-pill; kick back and enjoy the media pyrotechnics that we will selflessly provide.
I for one can't wait to see all the dizzying graphics, and swingometers; the projections and forecasts; the carefully selected tweet-mesages read out by that old political warhorse David Dimbleby; the live feeds to council town halls, and that breathless moment when enough results have rolled in to begin to guage the mood of the 29% of the population who can actually be bothered to drag their weary butts down to the nearest voting booth.
And I relish the expectation of that glorious moment, the next fateful morning when the citizens of this faux-democratic-country actually wake up to a new government - a NEW government (even if it's the same as the old one) - a government voted in by popular consent. -Well, when I say 'popular consent' - it'll probably turn out to be about 14% of the country who actually voted for the winner.
And yes, I will of course accept, dear, skeptical public, that in reality, despite the graphics and live-feeds, despite all the conjecture and bruising analysis -the country won't, in reality, have changed one single jot - but for us correspondents and commentators, it'll be straight back to work: With our phoney-analysis, and manufactured crisis coverage; we'll already be preparing; creating the buzz: for, in little more than 4-5 years, there will be another election looming, and even bigger and better graphics to unveil.
Make no mistake, this is democracy in action. And even if you don't give two shits who actually wins - well, we, the media, are very excited indeed.
And as far as perception-politics is concerned, at the end of the day, that's all that really matters .
Ta-ta!
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