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Signs of the Times for Tue, 19 Sep 2006

We Say So News
September 19, 2006
(WSSN) - President Bush announced today that "9/11 mastermind" Osama Bin Laden has recruited un unlikely ally in the war on terror: walruses.

Bush announced today at a press conference that the elusive al-Qaeda leader is alive and well, and planning more terror attacks in the US homeland.

"Our best intelligence indimications are such that we know Bin Laden has been in communication with walruses in aquariums and theme parks that have marine stuff like little fishies," the Decider remarked.

"We've foiled plans to blow up concession stands and restaurants in these locations. Al-Qaeda is so evil that they've trained walruses to use cell phones to remotely detonate explosives."

But this wasn't just another load of BS from the Commander in Chief of the Fatherland - er, homeland: Bush revealed a secret spy photo captured by unnamed intelligence operatives at a marine park in an undisclosed location inside in the US:

Terrorist Walrus
Spy photo of terrorist walrus. Code name: Death's Head


According to top Homeland Security officials, three walruses are now in custody. The suspects were apparently drugged, put in diapers, and loaded onto a CIA Gulfstream jet to be whisked away to an unknown location for "a nice relaxing vacation" where they will be "treated well and asked some questions".

When asked where they were being held, one official responded, "Let's just say they won't need shoes where they're going..."

When this reporter pointed out that in general, walruses don't wear shoes, the official paused, nervously scanned the audience, and then bolted from the room.


By ELIZABETH DWOSKIN
Associated Press
Sep 18, 2006
RIO DE JANEIRO, Brazil - Residents of crime-plagued Rio de Janeiro have a new kind of predator to worry about - hawks. A pair of hawks have attacked more than 100 residents of the upscale Ipanema beach district over the past year, scratching peoples heads and faces, doormen working at buildings in the area said Monday.

"People leave the building carrying umbrellas to protect themselves from the attacks," said Luis Honorato, a doorman in a building near where the hawks have built a nest. "At first, they think that someone is throwing something, like a can, onto their heads from the floors above."

Honorato said that one day he saw five attacks in 20 minutes.

Click to Expand Article

www.chinaview.cn 2006-09-19 07:23:34
BEIJING, Sept. 19 -- Scientists said Monday they found two types of shark, exotic "flasher" fish and corals among 52 new species in seas off Indonesia, confirming the western Pacific as the richest marine habitat on earth.

Click to Expand Article

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