Well I was living in so called bliss until my sister showed me a documentary that turned my world inside out this movie exposed just a small fraction of the corruption the government and other institutions of the "Matrix". To me it was devastating and at the same time it was a relief because even though my conditioned mind did not want to believe it something deep down knew this was true. Naturally the conflict with myself continued, with my conditioned mind shattered I felt an uncontrollable urge to make it all make sense and the more I dug the more empty I felt because all I was doing was looking for the next conspiracy theory and even though some were not just theories they started getting repetitive some even made money off it. Even with all the different labels and titles were known about the corrupter s, I started noticing patterns when I look back in time to see how long this had been going on and to my surprise it has been here with different titles but the same pattern of destruction. Then I stumbled across another documentary but this one was different instead of just looking externally for an agenda it talked about an esoteric agenda which really changed my perception on how I looked at myself and the outside world and I did a lot of the so called "Soul searching". So as my search continued I notice that there were other people who were also "soul searching" and they preached "all is one" and spread LOVE and it felt good I was becoming a modern day hippie, but something didn’t feel right with everything that was going on in the world with all the suffering and deception happening at an accelerating rate "all we need to do is spread love" was feeding my emptiness that wouldn’t go away. So I once again stumbled across a short YouTube film called "KNOW THYSELF" and it made me look deeper within myself it referenced "The secret history of the world" and many other books the film had such a profound effect on me that I started buying the books and reading them (I’m still not done with Secret History yet) and that book made me go even deeper within myself opening me up to my pain and the world pain so here I awaiting my next adventure so to speak.