When Calgary Mayor Naheed Nenshi addressed the city on Sunday, he couldn't believe he had to state the obvious, which apparently wasn't obvious enough.
"I can't believe I actually have to say this," said Nenshi, "but I'm going to say it. The river is closed."
Referring to people who were still using the river while the city was in a state of emergency due to flooding, Nenshi said he couldn't let Darwin's law take care of it...or call people what we can only [assume] are names that include swear words.
Catch the hilarious transcript of Nenshi's address below, or watch the video above.
"I can't believe I actually have to say this, but I'm going to say it. The river is closed. You cannot boat on the river. I have a large number of nouns that I can use to describe the people I saw in a canoe on the Bow river today. I am not allowed to use any of them. I can tell you, however, that I have been told that despite the state of local emergency, I'm not allowed to invoke the Darwin law.
If you are on the river we have to rescue you. If we have to rescue you we're taking away valuable resource from others. Everytime we have to pull a rescue boat onto the river, it means there is not a rescue boat in a community that is flooded. It is selfish and it is ridiculous for you to be on the river. So, do not do it. Stay off the river no matter what kind of thrills you're interested in coming for and I won't use any of the nouns that I really want to use."
